MTY 


Cf 


PHIITCETOISr     \ 
'H£G.  MAR  1 883  ^ 


BV  4501.2  .B86  1844 
Bunyan,  John,  1628-1688. 
Grace  abounding  to  the  chie 
of  sinners  in  a  faithful 


GRACE    ABOUNDING 


CHIEF  OF  SINNERS, 


IN    A    FAITHFUL    ACCOUNT 


LIFE  AND   DEATH  OF  JOHN   BUNYAN 


WITH    ADDITIONS, 


FROM    THE    LONDON    EDITION. 


NEW  YORK: 
M.   W.    D  ODD, 

BKICK  CHURCH  CHAPEL,  OPPOSITE  THE  CITY  HALL. 

1844. 


PREFACE., 


Or,  brief  account  of  the  publishing  this  work.  WrilUn  by  the 
author  thereof,  ami  dedicated  to  those  whimi  God  hath  caunled 
himvorthy  to  beget  to  Faith,  by  his  ministry  in  the  word. 


CHILDREN,  grace  bo  with  you.  Amen.  1 
he'mcr  taken  from  you  in  presence,  and  so  tied  up 
that  1  cannot  perform  that  duty,  that  from  God  doth 
lie  upon  me  to  you-ward,  for  your  farther  edifying 
any  building  up  in  faith  and  holiness,  &c  ;  yet,  that 
you  may  see  my  soul  hath  fatherly  care  and  desire 
after  your  spiritual  and  everlasting  welfare,  I  now 
once  again,  as  before,  '  from  the  top  of  Shenir  and 
Hermon,  so  now  from  the  lion's  den,  and  from  the 
mountain  of  the  leopards,'*  do  look  yet  after  you  all, 
greatly  longing  to  see  your  safe  arrival  into  the 
desired  haven. 

I  thank  God  upon  every  remembrance  of  you  ; 
and  rejoice,  even  while  I  stick  between  the  teeth  of 
the  lions  in  the  wilderness,  that  the  grace,  and  mer- 
cy, and  knowledge  of  Christ  our  Saviour,  which 
God  hath  bestowed  upon  you  with  abundance  of 
faith  and  love  ;  your  hungerings  and  thirstings  after 
farther  acquaintance  with  the  Father,  in  the  Son  ; 
your  tenderness  of  heart,^your  trembling  at  sin,  your 
*  Song,  iv,  8. 


iv  PREFACE. 

sober  and  holy  deportment  also,  before  both  God 
and  men,  is  a  great  refreshment  to  me  ;  '  for  you  are 
my  glory  and  joy.'* 

I  have  sent  you  here  enclosed  a  drop  of  that  honey 
that  I  have  taken  out  of  the  carcass  of  a  lion.f  1 
have  eaten  thereof  myself,  and  am  much  refreshed 
thereby.  (Temptations,  when  we  meet  them  at  first, 
are  as  the  lion  that  roared  upon  Samson  ;  but  if  we 
overcome  them,  the  next  time  we  see  them  we  shall 
find  a  nest  of  honey  within  them.)  The  Phihstines 
understood  me  not.  It  is  something,  a  relation  of 
the  work  of  God  upon  my  soul,  even  from  the  very 
first,  till  now,  wherein  you  may  perceive  my  cast- 
ings down  and  risings  up  ;  for  he  woundeth,  and 
his  hands  make  whole.  It  is  written  in  the  scrip- 
ture, '  The  father  to  the  children  shall  make  known 
the  truth  of  God.' J  Yea,  it  was  for  this  reason  I  lay 
so  long  at  Sinai,  to  see  the  fire,  and  the  cloud,  and 
the  darkness,  that  I  might  fear  the  Lord  all  the  days 
of  my  life  upon  earth,  and  tell  of  his  wondrous  works 
to  my  children.^. 

Moses  writ  of  the  journeyings  of  the  children  of 
Israel,  from  Egypt  to  the  land  of  Canaan  ;||  and 
commanded  also  that  they  did  remember  their  forty 
years'  travel  in  the  wilderness  : — '  Thou  shalt  remem- 
ber all  the  ways  which  the  Lord  thy  God  led  thee 
these  forty  years  in  the  wilderness,  to  humble  thee, 
and  to  prove  thee,  and  to  know  what  was  in  thine 
heart;  whether  thou  wouldst  keep  his  command- 
ments or  no.'l"  Wherefore  this  I  have  endeavoured 
to  do,  and  not  only  so,  but  to  publish  it  also,  that,  if 
God  will,  others  may  be  put  in  remembrance  of 

*  1  Thcss.  ii.  20.  t  Judges  xiv.  8. 

i  Isaiah  xxxviii.  19.  §  Lev.  iv.  10;  Psalm  Ixxviii.  4. 

II  Nunib.  xxxiii.  1.  ^  Deut.  viii.  3. 


PREFACE.  V 

what  he  hath  done  for  their  souls,  by  reading  his 
work  upon  me. 

It  is  profitable  for  Christians  to  be  often  calling  to 
mind  the  very  beginnings  of  grace  with  their  souls. 
'  It  is  a  night  to  be  much  observed  to  the  Lord  for 
bringing  them  out  of  the  land  of  Egypt.  This  is 
that  night  of  the  Lord  to  be  observed  of  all  the  chil- 
dren of  Israel,  in  their  generation.'*  'My  God 
(saith  David), t  my  soul  is  cast  down  within  me; 
but  I  will  remember  thee  from  the  land  of  Jordan,  and 
of  the  Hermonites,  from  the  hill  Mizar.  He  remem- 
bered also  the  lion  and  the  bear,  when  he  went  to 
fight  with  the  giant  of  Gath  !| 

It  was  Paul's  accustomed  manner.  Acts  xxii.  and 
that,  wdien  tried  for  his  life,  Acts  xxiv.  even  to  open  be- 
fore his  judges  the  manner  of  his  conversion:^  he 
would  think  of  that  day  and  that  hour  in  which  he  first 
did  meet  with  grace,  for  he  found  it  supported  him. 
When  God  had  brought  the  children  of  Israel  out 
of  the  Red  Sea,  far  into  the  wilderness,  yet  they 
must  turn  quite  about  thither  again,  to  remember 
the  drowning  of  their  enemies  there  :||  for  though 
they  sang  his  praise  before,  yet  they  soon  forgot  his 
works.1I 

In  this  discourse  of  mine  you  may  see  much ; 
much,  I  say,  of  the  grace  of  God  towards  me.  I 
thank  God  1  can  count  it  much ;  for  it  was  above 
my  sins  and  Satan's  temptations  too.  I  can  remem- 
ber my  fears  and  doubts,  and  .sad  months,  with  com- 
fort: they  are  as  the  head  of  Goliath  in  my  hand  : 
there  was  nothing  to  David  like  Goliath's  sword, 
even  that  sword  that  should  have  been  sheathed  in 

*  Exod.  xii.  42.  t  Psalm  xlii.  6. 

J  1  Sam,  xvii.  3G.  §  Acts  xxii.  6;  xxiv.  10. 

11  Numb.  xiv.  25.  IT  Psalm,  cvi.  13, 

1* 


vi  PREFACE. 

his  bowels  ;  for  the  very  sight  and  remembrance  of 
that  did  preach  forth  God's  deliverance  to  him.  Oh  ! 
the  remembrance  of  my  great  sins,  of  my  great 
temptations,  and  of  my  great  fear  of  perishing  of 
ever  !  they  bring  afresh  into  my  mind  the  remem 
brance  of  my  great  help,  my  great  supports  from 
Heaven,  and  the  great  grace  that  God  extended  to 
such  a  wretch  as  I. 

My  dear  children,  call  to  mind  the  former  days, 
and  years  of  ancient  times  ;  remember  also  your 
songs  in  the  night,  and  commune  with  your  own 
hearts.*  Yea,  look  diligently,  and  leave  no  corner 
therein  unsearched,  for  that  treasure  hid,  even  the 
treasure  of  your  first  and  second  experience  of  the 
grace  of  God  towards  you :  remember,  I  say,  the 
word  that  first  laid  hold  upon  you:  remember  your 
terrors  of  conscience,  and  fear  of  death  and  hell ; 
remember  also  your  tears  and  prayers  to  God :  yea, 
how  you  sighed  under  every  hedge  of  mercy.  Have 
you  never  a  hill  Mizar  to  remember  ?  Have  you 
forgot  the  close,  the  milk-house,  ^he  stable,  the  barn, 
and  the  like,  where  God  did  visit  your  souls  ?  Re- 
member also  the  word  ;  the  word,  I  say  upon 
which  the  Lord  hath  caused  you  to  hope.  If  you 
have  sinned  against  light,  if  you  are  tempted  to  blas- 
pheme, if  you  are  drowned  in  despair,  if  you  think 
God  fights  against  you,  or  if  Heaven  is  hid  from 
your  eyes,  remember  it  was  thus  with  your  father ; 
but  out  of  them  all  the  Lord  delivered  me. 

I  could  have  enlarged  much  in  this  my  di.'icourse, 
of  my  temptations  and  troubles  for  sin  ;  as  also  of 
the  merciful  kindness  and  working  of  God  with  my 
soul.  I  could  also  have  stepped  into  a  style  much 
higher  than  this  in  which  I  have  here  discoursed  ; 

*  P.sahn  Ixxvii.  5,  6. 


PREFACE.  vii 

and  could  have  adorned  all  things  more  than  here  I 
have  seemed  to  do,  but  T  dare  not.  God  did  not 
play  in  tempting  of  me,  neither  did  I  play  when  I 
-sunk  as  into  a  bottomless  pit,  when  the  pangs  of 
iiell  caught  hold  upon  me  ;  wdierefore  I  may  not 
play  in  relating  of  them,  but  be  plain  and  simple, 
and  lay  down  the  thing  as  it  was.  He  that  liketh 
it,  let  him  receive  it  ;  and  he  that  doth  not,  let  him 
produce  a  better. — Farewell. 


My  dear  children, 
The  milk  and  honey  is  beyond  this  wilderness. 
God  be  merciful  to  you,  and  grant  that  you  be  not 
slothful  to  go  in  to  possess  the  land ! 

JOHN  BUNYAN. 


GRACE    ABOUNDING 

TO    THE 

CHIEF  OF  SINNERS ; 

OR,  ' 

A   BRIEF    RELATION    OF    THE    EXCEEDING   MERCY    OF    GOD   IN 
CHRIST,    TO    His    POOR    SERVANT 

JOHN  BUNYAN. 


In  this  my  relation  of  the  merciful  working 
of  God  upon  my  soul,  it  will  not  be  amiss  if,  in 
the  first  place,  I  do  in  a  few  words  give  you  a 
hint  of  my  pedigree  and  manner  of  bringing 
up  :  that  thereby  the  goodness  and  bounty  of 
God  towards  me  may  be  the  more  advanced 
and  magnified  before  the  sons  of  men. 

2.  For  my  descent,  then,  it  was,  as  is  well 
known  by  many,  of  a  low  and  inconsiderable 
generation  ;  my  father's  house  being  of  that 
rank  tliat  is  meanest  and  most  despised  of  all 
the  famihes  in  the  land.  Wherefore,  I  ]iave  not 
here  (as  others)  to  boast  of  noble  blood,  or  of 
any  high-born  state,  according  to  the  flesh, 
though,  all  things  considered,  I  magnify  the 
Heavenly  Maje-ty,  for  that  by  this  door  he 
brought  me  into  the  world,  to  partake  of  the 
grace  and  hfe  that  is  in  Christ  by  the  gospel. 


10  BUNYAN'S 

3.  But  3'et,  notwithstanding  the  nieajiness 
and  inconsiderableness  of  my  parents,  it  pleased 
God  to  put  it  into  tlieir  lieaits  to  put  me  to 
school,  to  learn  me  both  to  read  and  write  ;  the 
which  I  also  attained  according  to  the  rate  of 
other  poor  men's  children  :  though  to  my  sliame 
I  confess  I  did  soon  lose  that  little  I  learnt,  even 
almost  utterly,  and  that  long  before  the  Lord 
did  work  his  gracious  work  of  conversion  upon 
my  soul. 

4.  As  for  my  own  natural  life,  for  the  time 
that  I  was  without  God  in  the  world,  it  was  in- 
deed "according  to  the  course  of  this  world  and 
the  spirit  that  now  worketh  in  the  children  of 
disobedience."*  It  was  my  delight  to  be  "taken 
captive  by  the  devil  at  his  will,"t  being  filled 
with  all  unrighteousness  ;  the  which  did  also  so 
strongly  work,  and  put  forth  itself,  both  in  my 
heart  and  life,  and  that  from  a  child,  that  I  had 
but  few  equals  (especially  considering  my  years, 
which  w^ere  tender,  being  few^)  both  for  cursing, 
swearing,  lying,  and  blaspheming  the  holy 
name  of  God. 

5.  Yea,  so  settled  and  rooted  Ava?  I  in  these 
things,  that  they  became  as  a  second  nature  to 
me ;  the  which,  as  I  have  also  with  soberness 
considered  since,  did  so  offend  the  Lord,  that 
even  in  my  childhood  he  did  scare  and  affrighten 
me  with  fearful  dreams,  and  did  terrify  me  with 
fearful  visions ;  for  often,  after  I  had  spent 
this  and  the  other  day  in  sin,  I  have  in  my  bed 
been  greatly  afflicted,  while  asleep,   with  the 

*  Eph.  ii.  2,  3.  t  2  Tim.  ii.  26. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  11 

apprehensions  of  devils  and  wicked  spirits ; 
who  still,  as  I  then  thought,  laboured  to  draw 
me  away  with  them,  of  which  I  never  could 
be  rid. 

6.  Also  I  should,  at  these  years,  be  greatly 
afflicted  and  troubled  with  the  thoughts  of  the 
fearful  torments  of  hell-fire,  still  fearing  that  it 
would  be  my  lot  to  be  found  at  last  among  those 
devils  and  hellish  fiends,  who  are  there  bound 
down  with  the  chains  and  bonds  of  darkness, 
into  the  judgment  of  the  great  day. 

7.  These  things  (I  say),  when  I  was  but  a 
child,  but  nine  or  ten  years  old,  did  so  distress 
my  soul,  that  then,  in  the  midst  of  my  many 
sports  and  childish  vanities,  amidst  my  vain 
companions,  I  was  often  much  cast  down  and 
afflicted  in  my  mind  therewith  ;  yet  could  I  not 
let  go  my  sins ;  yea,  I  was  also  then  so  over- 
come with  despair  of  hfe  and  heaven,  that  I 
should  often  wish,  either  that  there  had  been  no 
hell,  or  that  1  had  been  a  devil ;  supposing  they 
were  only  tormentors ;  that,  if  it  must  needs  be 
that  I  went  thither,  I  might  be  rather  a  tor- 
mentor, than  be  tormented  myself! 

8.  A  while  after  those  terrible  dreams  did 
leave  me,  which  also  I  soon  forgot ;  for  my 
pleasures  did  quickly  cut  oflf  the  remembrance 
of  them,  as  if  they  had  never  been.  Where- 
fore with  more  greediness,  according  to  the 
strength  of  nature,  I  did  still  let  loose  the  reins 
of  my  lust,  and  dehghted  in  all  transgressions 
against  the  law  of  God  ;  so  that  until  I  came  to 
the   state   of  marriage,  I  was  the   very  ring- 


12  BUNYAN'S 

leader  of  all  the  youth  that  kept  me  company; 
in  all  manner  of  vice  and  ungodliness.  ^ 

9.  Yea,  such  prevalency  had  the  lusts  and 
fruits  of  the  flesh  on  this  poor  soul  of  mine,  tliat 
had  not  a  miracle  of  precious  grace  prevented, 
I  had  not  only  perished  by  the  stroke  of  Eternal 
Justice,  but  had  also  laid  myself  open,  even  to 
the  stroke  of  those  laws  which  bring  some  to 
disgrace  and  open  shame  before  the  face  of  the 
world. 

10.  In  these  days  the  thoughts  of  religion 
were  very  grievous  to  me ;  I  could  neither  en- 
dure it  myself,  nor  that  any  other  should ;  so 
that,  when  I  have  seen  some  read  in  those  books 
that  concerned  christian  piety,  it  would  be  as  it 
were  a  prison  to  me.  Then  I  said  unto  God, 
"  Depart  from  me,  for  I  desire  not  the  knowledge 
of  thy  ways  !"*  I  was  now  void  of  all  good 
consideration  ;  heaven  and  hell  were  both  out 
of  sight  and  mind ;  and  as  for  saving  and 
damning,  they  were  least  in  my  thoughts.  "O 
Lord,  thou  knowest  my  life :  and  my  ways 
were  not  hid  from  thee.'' 

11.  But  this  1  well  remember  ,  that  though  I 
could  myself  sin  with  the  greatest  delight  and 
ease,  and  also  take  pleasure  in  the  vileness  of 
my  companions  ;  yet,  even  then,  if  I  had  at  any 
time  seen  wicked  things,  by  those  who  pro- 
fessed goodness,  it  would  make  my  spirit  tremble, 
As  once,  above  all  the  rest,  when  I  was  in  the 
height  of  vanity,  yet  hearing  one  to  swear,  that 
was  reckoned  for  a  religious  man,  it  had  so 

*  Job  xxi.  14. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  13 

great  a  stroke  upon  my  spirit,  that  it  made  my 

lieart  ache.  , 

12    But  God  did  not  utterly  leave  me,  but 
followed  me  still,  not  with  convictions,  but  judg- 
ments :  yet  such  as  were  mixed  with  mercy 
For,  once  I  fell  into  a  creek  of  the  sea,  and 
hardly  escaped  drowning :— another  time,  1  tell 
out  of  a  boat  into  Bedford-river,  but  Mercy  yet 
preserved   me   ahve -.—besides,    another    time, 
beino-  in  the  field  with  one  of  my  companions, 
it  chanced  that  an  adder  passed  over  the  high- 
way;  so  I.  having  a  stick  in  my  hand  struck 
her  over  tire  back,  and  having  stunned  her,  I 
forced   open   her  mouth   with   my  stick,   and 
plucked    her   sting   out  with   my  fingers ;    by 
which  act,  had  not  God  been  merciful  unto  me, 
I  might  by  my  desperateness  have  brought  my- 
self to  my  end.  ■        r     ;u 
13    This  also  I  have  taken  notice  ot  w^ith 
thanksgiving -.—when  I  was  a  soldier,  I  with 
others,  was  drawn  out  to  go  to  such  a  place  to 
besiege  it ;  but  when  I  was  just  ready  to  go, 
one  of  the  companv  desired  to  go  in  my  room, 
to  which  when  I  had  consented,  he  took  my 
place,  and  coming  to  the  siege,  as  he  stood  sen- 
tinel, he  was  shot  in  the  head  with  a  musket 
bullet,  and  died.  .         j 

14.  Here,  as  1  said,  were  judgments  and 
mercy  ;  but  neither  of  them  did  awaken  my 
soul  to  righteousness ;  wherefore  I  sinned  still, 
and  e-rew  more  and  more  rebellious  against 
God.  and  careless  of  my  own  salvation. 

15.  Presently  after  this,  I  changed  my  con- 


14  BUNYAN'S 

dition  into  a  married  state,  and  my  mercy  was. 
to  light  upon  a  wife,  whose  father  was  counted 
g-odly.  This  woman  and  I,  though  we  came 
together  as  poor  as  poor  might  be,  (not  having 
so  much  household  stuff  as  a  dish  or  spoon  be- 
twixt us  both,)  yet  this  she  had  for  her  part, 
"  The  plain  Man's  Path-way  to  Heaven  ;  The 
Practice  of  Piety,"  which  her  father  had  left 
her  when  he  died.  In  these  two  books  I  would 
sometimes  read  with  her,  wherehi  I  also  found 
some  things  that  were  somewhat  pleasing  to 
me,  but  all  this  while  I  met  with  no  conviction. 
She  also  would  be  often  telling  of  me  what  a 
godly  man  her  father  was,  and  how  he  would 
reprove  and  correct  vice,  both  in  his  house  and 
among  his  neighbours  ;  what  a  strict  and  holy 
life  he  livedjn  his  days,  both  in  words  and  deeds. 
16.  Wherefore  these  books,  with  the  relation, 
though  they  did  not  reach  my  heart,  to  awaken 
it  about  my  sad  and  sinful  state,  yet  they  did 
beget  within  me  some  desires  to  reform  my 
vicious  hfe,  and  fall  in  very  eagerly  with  the 
religion  of  the  times ;  to  wit,  to  go  to  church 
twice  a  day,  and  that  too  with  the  foremost ; 
and  there  should,  very  devoutly,  both  say,  and 
sing  as  others  did,  yet  retaining  my  wicked 
life  :  but  withal,  I  was  so  overrun  with  the 
spirit  of  superstition,  that  I  adored  and  that 
with  great  devotion,  even  all  things  (both  the 
high-place,  priest,  clerk,  vestment,  service,  and 
what  else)  belonging  to  the  church  ;  counting 
all  things  holy  that  were  therein  contained,  and 
especially  the  priest  and  clerk  most  happy,  and 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  15 

without  doubt,  greatly  blessed  because  they 
were  the  servants,  as  I  then  thought,  of  God, 
and  were  principal  in  the  holy  temple,  to  do  his 
work  therein.  . 

17  This  conceit  grew  so  strong  in  a  Uttie 
time  upon  my  spirit,  that  had  1  but  seen  a 
priest  (thouo-h  never  so  sordid  and  debauched  in 
his  hfe,)  I  should  find  my  spirit  fall  under  him, 
reverence  him,  and  knit  unto  him;  yea,  1 
thought,  for  the  love  I  did  bear  ^^nto  them 
supposing  they  were  the  ministers  of  God)  1 
could  have  laid  down  at  their  feet,  and  have 
been  trampled  upon  by  them:  their  name, 
their  garb,  and  work,  did  so  intoxicate  and 
bewitch  me.  . 

18    After  I  had  been  thus  for  some  consider- 
able time,  another  thought  came  in  my  mind 
and  that  was,  Whether  we  were  of  the  Israelites 
or  no  ?     For,  finding  in  the  Scripture  that^they 
were  once  the  peculiar  people  of  God  ;  thought 
I    if  I  were  one  of  this  race,    my  soul  must 
needs  be  happy.     Now  again,  I  found  within 
me  a  great  longing  to  be  resolved  about  this 
question  :  but  could  not  tell  how  I  should.     At 
last  I  asked  my  father  of  it,  who  told  me,  no, 
we  were  not.     Wherefore   then   I  fell  in  my 
spirit,  as  to  the  hopes  of  that,  and  so  remained. 
19.  But  all  this  while  I  was  not  sensible  ot 
the  danger  and  evil  of  sin ;  I  was  kept  from 
considermg  that  sin  would  damn  me,  what  re- 
hcrion  soever  I  followed,  unless  I  was  found  in 
Christ:    nay,    I    never   thought   of    hm^,   ^^o^ 
whether  there  was  such  a  one,  or  no.      1  bus 


16  BUNYAN'S 

man,  while  blind,  doth  wander,  but  wearieth 
himself  with  vanity,  for  he  knoweth  not  the 
"  way  to  the  city  of  God."* 

20.  But  one  day,  amongst  all  the  sermons 
our  parson  made,  his  subject  was,  to  treat  of  the 
sabbath-day,  and  of  the  evil  of  breaking  that, 
either  with  labour,  sports,  or  otherwise  :  (now  I 
was,  notwithstanding  my  religion,  one  that  took 
much  delight  in  all  manner  of  vice,  and  espe- 
cially that  was  the  day  that  I  did  solace  myself 
therewith :)  wherefore  I  fell  in  my  conscience 
under  this  sermon,  thinking  and  believing  that 
he  made  that  sermon  on  purpose  to  show  me 
my  evil  doing.  And  at  that  time  I  felt  what 
guilt  was,  though  never  before,  that  I  can  re- 
member ;  but  then  I  was,  for  the  present,  greatly 
loaded  therewith,  and  so  went  home  when  the 
sermon  was  ended,  with  a  great  burthen  upon 
m)^  ^irit. 

21.  This,  for  an  instant,  did  benumb  the 
sinews  of  my  best  dehghts,  and  did  embitter 
my  former  pleasures  to  me  ;  but  hold,  it  lasted 
not,  for,  before  I  had  well  dined,  the  trouble 
began  to  go  off  my  mind,  and  my  heart  returned 
to  its  old  course.  But  oh  !  how  glad  was  I, 
that  this  trouble  was  gone  from  me,  and  that 
the  fire  was  put  out,  that  I  might  sin  again 
without  control !  Wherefore  when  I  had  satis- 
fied nature  with  my  food,  I  shook  the  sermon 
out  of  my  mind  :  and  to  my  old  custom  of 
sports  and  gaming  I  returned  with  great  delight. 

22.  But  the  same  day,  as  I  was  in  the  midst 

*  Eccles.  X.  15. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  17 

of  a  game  of  cat,  and   having   struck  it  one 
blow  from  the  hole,  just  as  I  was  about  to  strike 
it  the  second  time,'  a  voice  did  suddenly  dart 
from  heaven  into  my  soul,  which  said,  '■  W  ilt 
thou  leave  thy  sins  and  go  to  heaven,  or  have 
thy  sins  and  go  to  hell?"     At  this  I  was  put  to     \ 
an  exceeding  maze ;  wherefore  leaving  my  cat     \ 
upon  the  ground,  I  looked  up  to  heaven,  and  ^ 
was   as  if  I  had,  with   the  eyes  of  my  under-      ] 
standing,    seen   the  Lord  Jesus  looking  down 
upon  me  as  being  very  hotly  displeased  with 
me,  and  as  if  he  did  severely  threaten  me  with 
some  grievous  punishment  for  these  and  other 
ungodly  practices. 

23.  I  had  no  sooner  thus  conceived  in  my 
mind,  but  sudden^  this  conclusion  was  fastened 
upon  my  spirit,  (for"  the  former  hint  did  set  my 
sins  again  before  my  face,)  that  I  had  been  a 
great  and  grievous  sinner,  and  that  it  was  now 
too  late  for  me  to  look  after  heaven ;  for  Christ 
would  not  forgive  me,  nor  pardon  my  trans- 
gressions. Then  I  fell  to  musing  on  tliis  also, 
and  while  I  was  thinking  of  it,  and  fearing  lest 
it  should  be  so,  I  felt  my  heart  sink  in  despair, 
concluding  it  was  too  late,  and  therefore  I  re- 
solved in  my  mind  to  go  on  in  sin:  "For 
(thought  I)  if  the  case  be  thus,  my  state  is 
surely  miserable  ;  miserable  if  I  leave  my  sms, 
and  but  miserable  if  1  follow  them  ;  I  can  but  be 
damned,  and  if  I  must  be  so,  I  had  as  good  be 
damned  for  many  sins,  as  be  damned  for  few." 
.  24.  Thus  I  stood  in  the  midst  of  my  play, 
before  all  that  then  were  present,  but  yet  I  told 


18  BUNYAN'S 

them  nothing:  but,  I  say,  having  made  this 
conclusion,  I  returned  desperately  to  my  sport 
again  ;  and  I  well  remember,  that  presently  this 
kind  of  despair  did  so  possess  my  soul,  that  I 
was  persuaded  I  could  never  attain  to  other 
comfort  than  what  I  should  get  in  sin,  for 
heaven  was  gone  already,  so  that  on  that  I  must 
not  think ;  wherefore  I  found  within  me  great 
desire  to  take  my  fill  of  sin,  still  studying  what 
sin  was  yet  to  be  committed,  that  I  might  taste 
the  sAveetness  of  it ;  and  I  made  as  much  haste 
as  I  could  to  fill  my  belly  with  its  delicacies, 
lest  I  should  die  before  I  had  my  desires,  for 
that  I  feared  greatly.  In  these  things,  I  protest 
before  God,  I  lie  not,  neither  do  I  frame  this  sort 
of  speech  ;  these  were  really,  strongly,  and  with 
all  my  heart,  m.y  desires  :  the  good  Lord,  whose 
mercy  is  unsearchable,  forgive  my  transgressions ! 

25.  And  I  am  very  confident,  that  this  temp- 
tation of  the  devil  is  more  usual  among  poor 
creatures  than  many  are  aware  of,  even  to 
overrun  the  spirits  with  a  scurvy  and  seared 
frame  of  heart,  and  benumbing  of  conscience  ; 
which  frame  he  stilly  and  slily  supplieth  with 
such  despair,  that  though  not  much  guilt  at- 
tendeth  souls,  yet  they  continually  have  a  secret 
conclusion  within  them,  that  there  is  no  hope 
for  them  ;  for  they  have  loved  sins,  therefore 
after  them  they  will  go  ;  Jer.  ii.  25,  and  xviii.  12. 

26.  Now  therefore  I  went  on  in  sin  with 
great  greediness  of  mind,  still  grudging  that  I 
could  iK>t  be  satisfied  with  it  asl  would.  This 
did  continue  vrith  me  about  a  month  or  more : 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  19 

but  one  day,  as  I  was  standing  at  a  neighbour's 
shop  window,  and  there  cursing  and  swearing 
and  playing  the  madman,  after  my  wonted 
manner,  there  sat  within  the  woman  of  the 
house,  and  heard  me ;  who,  though  she  was  a 
very  loose  and  ungodly  wretch,  yet  protested 
that  I  cursed  and  swore  at  that  most  fearful 
rate,  that  she  was  made  to  tremble  to  hear  me, 
and  told  me  further,  that  I  was  the  ungodliest 
fellow  for  swearing  that  she  ever  heard  in  all 
her  life,  and  that  I,  by  thus  doing,  was  able  to 
spoil  all  the  youth  in  the  whole  town,  if  they 
came  but  in  my  company. 

27.  At  this  reproof  I  was  silenced,  and  put  to 
secret  shame,  and  that  too,  as  I  thought,  before 
the  God  of  heaven :  wherefore,  while  I  stood 
there,  and  hanging  down  my  head,  I  wished 
with  all  my  heart  that  I  might  be  a  little  child 
again,  that  my  father  might  learn  me  to  speak 
without  this  wicked  way  of  swearing  ;  ''  for 
(thought  I)  I  am  so  accustomed  to  it,  that  it  is 
in  vain  for  me  to  think  of  a  reformation  ;"  for 
I  thought  that  could  never  be. 

28.  But  how  it  came  to  pass,  I  know  not ;  I 
did,  from  this  time  forward,  so  leave  my  swear- 
ing, that  it  was  a  great  wonder  to  myself  to  ob- 
serve it ;  and  whereas,  before,  I  knew  not  how 
to  speak  unless  I  put  an  oath  before  and  another 
behind,  to  make  my  words  have  authority; 
now  I  could,  without  it,  speak  better  and  with 
more  pleasantness  than  ever  I  could  before. 
All  this  while  I  knew  not  Jesus  Christ,  neither 
did  leave  my  sports  and  plays. 


20  BUNYAN'S 

29.  But  quickly  after  this,  I  fell  into  company 
with  one  poor  man  that  made  profession  of  re- 
ligion, who,  as  I  then  thought,  did  talk  plea- 
santly of  the  Scriptures,  and  of  the  matter  of 
religion  :  wherefore  falling  into  some  love  and 
liking  to  what  he  said,  I  betook  me  to  my  Bible, 
and  began  to  take  great  pleasure  in  reading, 
but  especially  with  the  historical  part  thereof; 
for  as  for  Paul's  epistles,  and  such  like  scrip- 
tures, I  could  not  away  with  them,  being  as  yet 
ignorant  either  of  the  corruption  of  my  nature, 
or  of  the  want  and  worth  of  Jesus  Christ  to 
save  us. 

30.  Wherefore  I  fell  to  some  outward  reforma- 
tion both  in  my  words  and  hfe,  and  did  set  the 
Commandments  before  me  for  my  way  to  hea- 
ven, which  commandments  I  also  did  strive  to 
keep,  and,  as  I  thought,  did  keep  them  pretty 
well  sometimes,  and  then  I  should  have  com- 
fort ;  yet  now  and  then  should  break  one,  and 
so  afflict  my  conscience  :  but  then  I  should  re- 
pent, and  say,  I  was  sorry  for  it,  and  promise 
God  to  do  better  next  time,  and  there  got  help 
again,  for  then  I  thought  I  pleased  God  as  w^ell 
as  any  man  in  England. 

31.  Thus  I  continued  about  a  year  :  all  which 
time  our  neighbours  did  take  me  to  be  a  very 
godly  man,  a  new  and  religious  man,  and  did 
marvel  much  to  see  such  great  and  famous 
alteration  in  my  life  and  manners  ;  and  indeed, 
so  it  was.  though  I  knew^  not  Christ,  nor  grace, 
nor  faith,  nor  hope  ;  for,  as  I  have  well  since 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  21 

seen,  had  I  then  died,  my  state  had  been  most 
fearful. 

32.  Bat,  I  say,  my  neighbours  were  amazed 
at  this  my  great  conversion,  from  prodigious  pro- 
faneness,  to  something  hke  a  moral  hfe  ;  and 
truly,  so  they  well  might,  for  this,  my  con- 
version, was  as  great,  as  for  Tom  of  Bedlam  to 
become  a  sober  man.  Now  therefore  they  be- 
gan to  praise,  to  commend,  and  to  speak  well 
of  me,  both  to  my  face  and  behind  my  back. 
Now  I  was,  as  they  said,  become  godly  ;  now 
I  was  become  a  right  honest  man.  But  oh  ! 
when  I  understood  those  were  their  words  and 
opinions  of  me,  it  pleased  me  mighty  well.  For 
though  as  yet  I  was  nothing  but  a  poor  painted 
hypocrite,  yet  I  loved  to  be  talked  of  as  one  that 
was  truly  godly.  I  was  proud  of  my  godliness, 
and  indeed,  I  did  all  I  did,  either  to  be  seen  of, 
or  to  be  well  spoken  of  by  men  ;  and  thus  I 
continued  for  alDOut  a  twelvemonth,  or  more. 

33.  Now  you  must  know,  that  before  this,  I 
had  taken  much  delight  in  ringing  ;  but  my 
conscience  beginning  to  be  tender,  I  thought 
such  practice  was  but  vain,  and  therefore  forced 
myself  to  leave  it :  yet  my  mind  hankered, 
wherefore  I  would  go  to  the  steeple-house  and 
look  on,  though  I  durst  not  ring  ;  buf,  I  thought 
this  did  not  become  religion  neither,  yet  I  forced 
myself,  and  would  look  on  still :  but  quickly 
after.  I  began  to  think,  how  if  one  of  the  bell? 
should  fall  ?  Then  I  chose  to  stand  under  a 
main  beam  that  lay  overthwart  the  steeple, 
from  side  to  side,  thinking  here  I  might  stand 


22  BUNYAN'S 

sure  :  but  then  I  thought  again,  should  the  bell 
fall  with  a  swing,  it  might  first  hit  the  w^all, 
and  then  rebounding  upon  me,  might  kill  me 
for  all  this  beam.  This  made  me  stand  in  the 
steeple-door  ; — and  now,  thought  I,  I  am  safe 
enough,  for  if  a  bell  should  then  fall,  I  can  slip 
out  behind  these  thick  walls,  and  so  be  pre- 
served notwithstanding. 

34.  So  after  this  I  w^ould  yet  go  to  see  them 
ring,  but  would  not  go  any  farther  than  the 
steeple-door  :  but  then  it  came  into  my  head, 
how  if  the  steeple  itself  should  fall  ?  And  this 
thought  (it  may  for  aught  I  know  when  I  stood 
and  looked  on)  did  continually  so  shake  my 
mind,  that  I  durst  not  stand  at  the  steeple-door 
any  longer,  but  was  forced  to  flee,  for  fear  the 
steeple  should  fall  upon  my  head. 

35.  Another  thing  was  my  dancing  :  I  w-as 
a  full  year  before  I  could  quite  leave  that :  but 
all  this  while,  when  I  thought  I  kept  this  or 
that  commandment,  or  did,  by  w^ord  or  deed, 
any  thing  that  I  thought  was  good,  I  had  great 
peace  in  my  conscience  :  and  Avould  think  with 
myself,  God  cannot  choose  but  be  now  pleased 
with  me ;  yea,  to  relate  it  in  mine  own  way,  I 
thought  no  man  in  England  could  please  God 
better  than  I. 

36.  But  poor  w^retch  as  I  was  !  I  w^as  all  this 
while  ignorant  of  Jesus  Christ,  and  going  about 
to  establish  my  own  righteousness ;  and  had 
perished  therein,  had  not  God,  in  mercy,  showed 
me  more  of  my  state  by  nature. 

37.  But  upon  a  day  the  good  Providence  of 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  23^ 

God  called  me  to  Bedford  to  work  on  my  call- 
ins:  ;  and  in  one  of  the  streets  of  that  town.  I 
came  where  there  were  tliree  or  four  poor  wo- 
men sitting  at  a  door,  in  the  siin,  talking:  about 
tlie  thinf^s  of  God  ;  and  being  now  willing  to 
hear  their  discourse,  I  drew  near  to  hear  what 
they  said,  for  I  was  now  a  brisk  talker  of  my- 
self in  the  matters  of  religion  ;  but  I  may  say, 
•'  I  heard,  but  understood  not ;"  for  they  were 
far  above  out  of  my  reach.  Their  talk  was 
about  a  new  birth  ;  the  work  of  God  in  their 
hearts  ;  as  also  how  they  were  convinced  of 
their  miserable  state  by  nature ;  they  talked 
how  God  had  visited  their  souls  with  his  love 
in  the  Lord  Jesus,  and  with  what  words  and 
promises  they  had  been  refreshed,  comforted, 
and  supported  against  the  temptations  of  the 
devil ;  moreover,  they  reasoned  of  the  sugges- 
tions and  temptations  of  Satan  in  particular, 
and  told  to  each  other  by  what  means  they  had 
been  afflicted,  and  how  they  w^ere  borne  up 
under  his  assaults.  They  also  discoursed  of 
their  own  wretchedness  of  heart  and  of  their 
unbelief,  and  did  contemn,  slight,  and  abhor 
their  own  righteousness  as  filthy,  and  insuf- 
ficient to  do  them  any  good. 

38.  And  methought  they  spake  as  if  joy  did 
make  them  speak  ;  they  spake  with  such  plea- 
santness of  scripture  language,  and  with  such 
appearance  of  grace  in  all  they  said,  that  they 
were  to  me  as  if  they  had  found  a  new  world, 
as  if  they  were  "people  that  dwelt  alone,  and 


24  BUNRAN'S 

were  not  to  be  reckoned  among  their  neigh- 
bours.* 

39.  At  this  I  feh  my  own  heart  began  to 
shake,  and  mistrust  my  condition  to  be  naught ; 
for  I  saw  that  in  all  my  thoughts  about  rehgion 
and  salvation,  the  new  birth  did  never  enter 
into  my  mind  ;  neither  knew  I  the  comfort  of 
the  word  and  promise,  nor  the  deceitfulness  and 
treachery  of  my  own  wicked  heart.  As  for 
secret  thoughts,  I  took  no  notice  of  them  ;  nei- 
ther did  I  understand  what  Satan's  temptations 
were,  nor  how  they  were  to  be  withstood,  and 
resisted,  and  so  forth. 

40.  Thus,  therefore,  when  I  had  heard  and 
considered  vv  hat  they  said,  I  left  them,  and  went 
about  my  employment  again  ;  but  their  talk 
and  discourse  went  with  me ;  also  my  heart 
would  tarry  with  them,  for  I  was  greatly  af- 
fected with  their  words,  both  because  by  them 
I  was  convinced  that  I  wanted  the  true  tokens 
of  a  truly  godly  man,  and  also  because  by  them 
I  was  convinced  of  the  happy  and  blessed  con- 
dition of  him  that  was  such  a  one. 

41.  Therefore  I  would  often  make  it  my 
business  to  be  going  again  and  again  into  the 
company  of  these  poor  people,  for  I  could  not 
stay  away,  and  the  more  I  went  among  them, 
the  more  I  did  question  my  condition  ;  and,  as 
I  still  do  remember,  presently  I  found  two  things 
within  me.  at  which  I  did  sometimes  marvel 
(especially  considering  what  a  blind,  ignorant, 
sordid  and  ungodly  wretch  but  just  before  I 

*  Numb,  xxiii.  9. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  25 

was.)  The  one  was  a  very  great  softness  and 
tenderness  of  heart,  wliich  caused  me  to  fall 
under  the  conviction  of  what  by  Scripture  they 
asserted  ;  and  the  other  was  a  great  bending  hi 
my  mind,  to  a  continual  meditating  on  it,  and 
on  all  other  good  things,  which  at  any  time  I 
heard  or  read  of. 

42.  B}^  these  things  my  mind  was  now  so 
turned  that  it  lay  like  a  horse-leech  at  the  vein, 
still  crying  out,  "  Give,  give,"*  which  was  so 
fixed  on  eternity  and  on  the  things  about  the 
kingdom  of  heaven  (that  is,  so  far  as  I  knew, 
though  as  yet,  God  knows,  I  knew  but  httle,) 
that  neither  pleasures,  nor  profits,  nor  persua- 
sions, nor  threats  could  loose  it,  or  make  it  let 
go  its  hold  ;  and  though  I  may  speak  it  with 
shame,  yet  it  is  in  very  deed  a  certain  truth,  it 
would  then  have  been  as  diflScult  for  me  to  have 
taken  my  mind  from  heaven  to  earth,  as  I  have 
found  it  often  since,  to  get  it  again  from  earth 
to  heaven. 

43.  One  thing  I  may  not  omit.  There  was 
a  )^oung  man  in  our  town  to  whom  my  heart 
before  was  knit  more  than  to  any  other  ;  but  he 
being  a  most  wicked  creature  for  cursing,  and 
swearing,  and  whoring,  1  now  shook  him  oflf, 
and  forsook  his  company  ;  but  about  a  quarter 
of  a  year  after  I  had  left  him,  I  met  him  in  a 
certain  lane,  and  asked  him  how  he  did.  He, 
after  his  old  swearing  and  mad  way,  answered, 
he  was  well.  "  But,  Harry,"  said  I,  '•  why  do 
you  curse  and  swear  thus  ?    What  will  become 

*  Prov.  XXX.  15. 

3 


26  BUNYAN'S 

of  you  if  you  die  in  this  condition  ?"  He  an- 
swered me  in'  a  great  chafe,  "  What  would  the 
devil  do  for  company,  if  it  were  not  for  such  as 
I  am  ?" 

44.  About  this  time  I  met  with  some  Ranters' 
books  that  were  put  forth  by  some  of  our  coun- 
trymen, which  books  were  also  highly  in  esteem 
by  several  old  professors  ;  some  of  these  I  read, 
but  was  not  able  to  make  any  judgment  about 
them  ;  wherefore  as  I  read  in  them,  and  thought 
upon  them,  seeing  myself  unable  to  judge,  I 
would  betake  myself  to  hearty  prayer  in  this 
manner : — "  O  Lord,  I  am  a  fool,  and  not  able 
to  know  the  truth  from  error ;  Lord,  leave  me 
not  to  my  own  bhndness,  either  to  approve  of 
or  condemn  this  doctrine ;  if  it  be  of  God,  let 
me  not  despise  it ;  if  it  be  of  the  devil,  let  me 
not  embrace  it.  Lord,  I  lay  my  soul  in  this 
matter  only  at  thy  foot ;  let  me  not  be  deceived, 
I  humbly  beseech  thee."  I  had  one  religious 
intimate  companion  all  this  while,  and  that  was 
the  poor  man  I  spoke  of  before  ;  but  about  this 
time  he  also  turned  a  most  devilish  Ranter,  and 
gave  himself  up  to  all  manner  of  filthiness, 
especially  un cleanness ;  he  w^ould  also  deny 
that  there  was  a  God,  angel,  or  spirit,  and  would 
laugh  at  all  exhortations  to  sobriety.  When  I 
laboured  to  rebuke  his  wickedness,  he  would 
laugh  the  more,  and  pretend  that  he  had  gone 
through  all  rehgions,  and  could  never  hit  upon 
the  right  till  now.  He  told  me  also,  that  in  a 
little  time  I  should  see  all  professors  turn  to  the 
ways  of  the  Ranters.     Wherefore  abominating 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  27 

those  cursed  principles,  I  left  his  company  forth- 
with, and  became  to  him  as  great  a  strangd"  as 
I  had  been  before  a  familiar. 

45.  Neither  was  this  man  only  a  temptation 
to  me,  but,  my  calUng  lying  in  the  country,  I 
happened  to  come  into  several  people's  com- 
pany, who  though  strict  in  religion  formerly, 
were  also  drawn  away  by  these  ranters.  These 
w^ould  also  talk  with  me  of  their  ways,  and  con- 
demn me  as  illegal  and  dark ;  pretending  that 
they  only  had  attained  to  perfection,  that  could 
do  what  they  would  and  not  sin.  Oh  !  these 
temptations  were  suitable  to  my  flesh,  I  being 
but  a  young  man,  and  my  nature  in  its  prime ; 
but  God  who  had,  as  I  hoped,  designed  me  for 
better  tilings,  kept  me  in  the  fear  of  his  Name, 
and  did  not  suffer  me  to  accept  such  cursed 
principles.  And  blessed  be  God,  who  put  it  into 
my  heart  to  cry  to  him  to  be  kept  and  directed, 
still  distrusting  mine  own  wisdom  !  for  I  have 
since  seen  even  the  effects  of  that  prayer  in  his 
preserving  me  not  only  from  ranting  errors,  but 
from  those  also  that  have  sprung  up  since.  The 
Bible  was  precious  to  me  in  those  days. 

46.  And  now  methought  I  began  to  look  into 
the  Bible  with  new  eyes,  and  read  as  I  never 
did  before ;  and  especially  the  epistles  of  the 
Apostle  St.  Paul  were  sweet  and  pleasant  to 
me  :  and  indeed  then  I  was  never  out  of  the 
Bible,  either  by  reading  or  meditation,  still  cry- 
ing out  to  God  that  I  might  know  the  truth  and 
the  way  to  heaven  and  glory. 

47.  And  as  I  went  on  and  read,  I  hit  upon 


28  BUNYAN'S 

that  passage,  '•  To  one  is  given  by  the  Spirit, 
the  word  of  wisdom  ;  to  another,  the  word  of 
knowledge  by  the  same  Spirit ;  and  to  another, 
faith  ;'■*  and  so  forth.  And  though,  as  I  have 
since  seen,  that  by  this  scripture  tlie  Holy  Ghost 
intends,  in  special,  things  extraordinary ;  yet 
on  me  it  did  then  fasten  with  conviction,  that  I 
did  want  things  ordinary,  even  that  understand- 
ing and  wisdom  that  other  Christians  had.  On 
this  word  I  mused,  and  could  not  tell  what  to 
do ;  especially  this  word  faith  put  me  to  it,  for 
I  could  not  help  it,  but  sometimes  must  question 
whether  I  had  any  faith  or  no  ;  but  I  was  loath 
to  conclude  I  had  no  faith,  "  For  if  I  do  so," 
thought  1,  "  then  I  shall  count  myself  a  very 
castaway  indeed." 

48.  ''  No,"  said  I  with  myself,  "  though  I  am 
convinced  that  I  am  an  ignorant  sot,  and  that 
I  want  those  blessed  gifts  of  knowledge  and 
understanding  that  other  people  have,  yet  at  a 
venture  I  will  conclude  I  am  not  altogether 
faithless,  though  I  know  not  what  faith  is ;  for 
it  was  shown  me,  and  that  too  (as  I  have  seen 
since)  by  Satan,  that  those  who  conclude  them- 
selves in  a  faithless  state,  have  neither  rest  nor 
quiet  in  their  souls,  and  I  was  loath  to  fall  quite 
into  despair." 

49.  Wherefore  by  this  suggestion  I  was  for 
a  while  made  afraid  to  see  my  want  of  faith ; 
but  God  would  not  suffer  me  thus  to  undo  and 
destroy  my  soul ;  but  did  continually,  against 
this  my  sad  and  Wind  conclusion,  create  still 

*  1  Cor.  xii.  8,  y. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  29 

within  me  such  suppositions,  insomuch  that  I 
could  not  rest  content  until  I  did  now  come  to 
some  certain  knowledge  whether  I  had  faith  or 
no ;  this  always  running  in  my  mind :  "  But 
how  if  you  want  faith  indeed  ?  But  how  can 
you  tell  you  have  faith  ?"  And  besides.  I  saw 
for  certain,  if  I  had  not,  I  was  sure  to  perish  for 
ever. 

50.  So  that  though  I  endeavoured  at  the  first 
to  look  over  the  business  of  faith,  yet  in  a  little 
time,  I  better  considering  the  matter,  was  will- 
ing to  put  myself  upon  the  trial  whether  I  had 
faith  or  no.  But  alas,  poor  wretch  !  so  ignorant 
and  brutish  was  I,  that  I  knew  not  to  tliis  day 
any  more  how  to  do  it  than  I  know  how  to 
begin  and  accomplish  that  rare  and  curious 
piece  of  art  which  I  never  yet  saw  or  con- 
sidered. 

51.  Wherefore,  while  I  was  thus  considering, 
and  being  put  to  a  plunge  about  it  (for  you 
must  know  that  as  yet  I  had  not  in  this  matter 
broken  my  mind  to  any  one,  only  did  hear  and 
consider,)  the  tempter  came  in  with  this  delu- 
sion, "  That  there  was  no  way  for  me  to  know 
I  had  faith  but  by  trying  to  work  some  miracles, 
urging  those  scriptures  that  seem  to  look  that 
way  for  the  enforcing  and  strengthening  his 
temptation."  Nay,  one  day  as  I  was  betw^een 
Elstow  and  Bedford,  the  temptation  was  hot 
upon  me  to  try  if  I  had  faith  by  doing  some 
miracle,  which  miracle  at  this  time  was  this :  I 
must  say  to  the  puddles  that  were  in  the  horse- 
pads.  '•  Be  dry ;"  and  to  the  dry  places  "'  Be  you 


30  BUNYAN'S 

puddles."  And  truly  one  time  I  was  going  to 
say  so  indeed  ;  but  jnst  as  I  was  about  to  speak, 
this  thought  came  into  my  mind  :  "  But  go  un- 
der yonder  hedge  and  pray  first  that  God  would 
make  you  able."  But  when  I  had  concluded 
to  pray,  this  came  hot  upon  me — that  if  I  prayed 
and  came  again,  and  tried  to  do  it,  and  yet  did 
nothing  notwithstanding,  then,  to  be  sure,  I  had 
no  faith,  but  was  a  cast-away  and  lost :  "  Nay," 
thought  I,  "  if  it  be  so,  I  will  not  try  yet,  but 
will  stay  a  little  longer." 

52.  So  I  continued  at  a  great  loss ;  for  I 
thought  if  they  only  had  faith  which  could  do 
so  wonderful  things,  then  I  concluded,  that  for 
the  present  I  neither  had  it,  nor  yet  for  the  time 
to  come  was  ever  like  to  have  it.  Thus  I  was 
tossed  betwixt  the  devil  and  my  own  ignorance, 
and  so  perplexed,  especially  at  some  times,  that 
I  could  not  tell  what  to  do.  • 

53.  About  this  time  the  state  and  happiness 
of  these  poor  people  at  Bedford  was  thus,  in  a 
kind  of  a  vision,  presented  to  me. — I  saw  as  if 
they  were  on  the  sunny  side  of  some  high  moun- 
tain, there  refreshing  themselves  with  the  plea- 
sant beams  of  the  sun,  while  I  was  shivering 
and  shrinking  in  the  cold,  afflicted  with  frost, 
snow,  and  dark  clouds.  Methought  also,  be- 
twixt me  and  them,  I  saw  a  w^all  that  did  com- 
pass about  this  mountain.  Now  through  this 
wall  my  soul  did  greatly  desire  to  pass ;  con- 
cluding, that  if  I  could,  I  would  even  go  into 
the  very  midst  of  them,  and  there  also  comfort 
myself  with  the  heat  of  their  sun. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  31  ^ 

54.  About  this  wall  I  bethought  myself  to  go 
again  and  again,  still  praying  as  I  went,  to  see 
if  I  could  find  some  way  or  passage,  by  which 
I  might  enter  therein ;  but  none  could  I  find 
for  some  time ;  at  the  last,  I  saw,  as  it  were,  a 
narrow  gap,  like  a  little  door-way  in  the  wall, 
through  which  I  attempted  to  pass.  Now,  the 
passage  being  very  strait  and  narrow,  I  made 
many  offers  to  get  in  ;  but  all  in  vain,  even 
until  I  was  well  nigh  quite  beat  out,  by  striving 
to  get  in  ;  at  last,  with  great  striving,  methought 
I  at  first  did  get  in  my  head,  and  after  that,  by 
a  sideling  striving,  my  shoulders,  and  my  whole 
body ;  then  I  was  exceeding  glad,  and  went 
and  sat  down  in  the  midst  of  them,  and  so  was 
comforted  with  the  light  and  heat  of  their  sun. 

55.  Now  this  mountain  and  wall,  (fcc.  was 
thus  made  out  to  me  : — The  mountain  signified 
the  church  of  the  living  God ;  the  sun  that 
shone  thereon,  the  comfortable  shining  of  his 
merciful  face  on  them  that  were  therein  ;  the 
wall  I  thought  was  the  world,  that  did  make 
separation  between  the  Christians  and  the 
world  ;  and  the  gap  which  was  in  the  wall  I 
thought  was  Jesus  Christ,  who  is  ''  the  way"* 
to  God  the  Father.  But  forasmuch  as  the  pas- 
sage was  wonderful  narrow,  even  so  narrow 
that  I  could  not  but  with  great  difiiculty  enter 
in  thereat,  it  showed  me  that  none  could  enter 
into  life  but  those  that  were  in  downright  earnest, 
and  unless  also  they  left  that  wicked  world  be 

*  John  xiv.  6  J  Matt.  vii.  14. 


32  BUNYAN'S 

i  hind   them :  P3^  for  here  was  onl}'  room  for 
'  body  and  soul,  but  not  for  body  and  soul  and  sin- 

56.  This  resemblance  abode  upon  my  spirit 
many  days,  all  which  time  I  saw  myself  in  a 
forlorn  and  sad  condition,  but  yet  was  provoked 
to  a  vehement  hunger  and  desire  to  be  one  of 
that  number  that  did  sit  in  the  sunshine.  Now 
also  would  I  pray  wherever  I  was,  whether  at 
home  or  abroad,  in  house  or  field,  and  would 
also  often,  with  lifting  up  of  heart,  sing  that  of 
the  fifty-first  Psalm,  "  O  Lord,  consider  my  dis- 
tress :"  for  as  yet  I  knew  not  where  I  was. 

57.  Neither  as  yet  could  I  attain  to  any  com- 
fortable persuasion  that  I  had  faith  in  Christ ; 
but  instead  of  having  satisfaction  here,  I  began 
to  find  my  soul  to  be  assaulted  with  fresh  doubts 
about  my  future  happiness,  especially  with  such 
as  these :  "  W  hether  I  was  elected  ?  But  how, 
if  the  day  of  grace  should  now  be  past  and 
gone?" 

58.  By  these  two  temptations  I  was  very 
much  afflicted  and  disquieted,  sometimes  by  one, 
and  sometimes  by  the  other  of  them.  And 
first,  to  speak  of  that  about  questioning  my 
election,  I  found  at  this  time,  that  though  I  was 
in  a  flam«  to  find  the  way  to  heaven  and  glory, 
and  though  nothing  could  beat  me  off  from 
this ;  yet  this  question  did  so  offend  and  dis- 
courage me,  that  I  was,  especially  sometimes,  as 
if  the  very  strength  of  my  body  also  had  been 
taken  aw^ay  by  the  force  and  power  thereof 
This  scripture  did  also  seem  to  me  to  trample 
upon  all  my  desires :  "  It  is  neither  of  him  that 


1^ 

GRACE  ABOUNDING.  33 

willeth,  nor  of  him  that  runneth  :  but  of  God 
that  showeth  mercy."* 

59.  With  this  scripture  I  could  not  tell  what 
to  do  ;  for  I  evidently  saw,  unless  that  the  great 
God,  of  his  infinite  grace  and  bounty,  had  vol- 
untarily chosen  me  to  be  a  vessel  of  mercy; 
though  I  should  desire,  and  long,  and  labour 
until  my  heart  did  break,  no  good  could  come 
of  it.  Therefore  this  would  stick  with  me, 
"  How  can  you  tell  that  you  arc  elected  ?  And 
what  if  you  should  not  ?     How  then  ?" 

60.  "  O  Lord  (thought  I),  what  if  I  should 
not  indeed?" — "It  maybe  you  are  not,"  said  - 
the  tempter. — "  It  may  be  so  indeed,"  thought 
I. — "  Why  then  (said  Satan),  you  had  as  good 
leave  off,  and  strive  no  farther ;  for  if  indeed 
you  should  not  be  elected  and  chosen  of  God, 
there  is  no  hope  of  your  being  saved ;  for  it  is 
neither  in  him  that  willeth,  nor  in  him  that 
runneth  ,  but  in  God  that  showeth  mercy." 

61.  By  these  things  I  was  driven  to  my  wits- 
end,  not  knowing  what  to  say,  or  how  to  an- 
swer these  temptations  :  indeed,  I  little  thought 
that  Satan  had  thus  assaulted  me,  but  that 
rather  it  was  my  own  prudence  thus  to  start  the 
question  ;  for,  that  the  elect  only  obtained  eter- 
nal life ;  that  I,  without  scruple,  did  heartily 
close  withal ;  but  that  myself  was  one  of  them, 
there  lay  the  question. 

62.  Thus  therefore,  for  several  days,  I  was 
greatly  assaulted  and  perplexed,  and  v/as  often, 
when  I  have  been  walking,  ready  to  sink  where 

*  Rom.  ix.  16. 


^34  BUNYANS 

I  went,  with  faintness  in  m}^  mind :  but  one 
day,  after  I  had  been  so  many  weeks  oppressed 
and  cast  down  therewith,  as  I  was  now  quite 
giving  up  the  ghost  of  all  my  hopes  of  ever  at- 
taining hfe,  that  sentence  fell  with  weight  upon 
my  spirit,  "  Look  at  the  generations  of  old,  and 
see,  did  ever  any  trust  in  God,  and  were  con- 
founded ?" 

63.  At  which  I  was  greatly  enlightened  and 
encouraged  in  my  soul,  for  thus,  at  that  very 
instant,  it  was  expounded  to  me :  "  Begin  at 
the  beginning  of  Genesis,  and  read  to  the  end 

,  of  the  Revelation,  and  see  if  you  can  find  that 
there  was  ever  any  that  trusted  in  the  Lord,  and 
was  confounded."  So  coming  home,  I  pres- 
ently went  to  my  Bible,  to  see  if  I  could  find 
that  saying,  not  doubting  but  to  find  it  presently, 
for  it  was  so  fresh,  and  with  such  strength  and 
comfort  on  my  spirit,  that  it  was  as  if  it  talked 
with  me. 

64.  Well,  I  looked,  but  I  found  it  not ;  only 
it  abode  upon  me.  Then  did  I  ask  first  this 
good  man,  and  then  another,  if  they  knew 
where  it  was ;  but  they  knew  no  such  place. 
At  this  I  wondered,  that  such  a  sentence  should 
so  suddenly,  and  with  such  comfort  and  strength, 
seize,  and  abide  upon  my  heart,  and  yet  that 
none  could  find  it,  for  I  doubted  not  but  that  it 
was  in  the  Holy  Scriptures. 

65.  Thus  I  continued  above  a  year,  and 
could  not  find  the  place :  but  at  last,  casting 
my  eye  upon  the  Apocrypha-books,  I  found  it 
in  Ecclesiasticus ;  Ecclus.  ii.  16.     This,  at  the 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  35 

first,  did  somewhat  daunt  me ;  but  because  by 
this  time  I  had  got  more  experience  of  the  love 
and  kindness  of  God,  it  troubled  me  the  less,  es- 
pecially when  I  considered  that  though  it  was  not 
in  those  texts  that  we  call  holy  and  canonical ; 
yet,  forasmuch  as  this  sentence  was  the  sum 
and  substance  of  many  of  the  promises,  it  was 
my  duty  to  take  the  comfort  of  it ;  and  I  bless 
God  for  that  word,  for  it  was  of  good  to  me : 
that  word  doth  still  oft-times  shine  before  my 
face. 

66.  After  this,  that  other  doubt  did  come  with 
strength  upon  me,  "But  how  if  the  day  of 
grace  should  be  past  and  gone  ?-"  How,  if  you 
have  overstood  the  time  of  mercy  ?  Now  I  re- 
member, that  one  day  as  I  was  walking  in  the 
country,  I  was  much  in  the  thoughts  of  this, 
"  But  how  if  the  day  of  grace  is  past  ?"  And, 
to  aggravate  my  trouble,  the  tempter  presented 
to  my  mind  those  good  people  of  Bedford,  and 
suggested  thus  unto  me :  that  these  being  con- 
verted already,  they  w^ere  all  that  God  would 
save  in  those  parts,  and  that  I  came  too  late, 
for  these  had  got  the  blessing  before  I  came. 

67.  Now  was  I  in  great  distress,  thinking  in 
very  deed  that  this  might  well  be  so ;  where- 
fore I  went  up  and  down  bemoaning  my  sad 
condition,  counting  myself  far  worse  than  a 
thousand  fools  for  standing  off  thus  long,  and 
spending  so  many  years  in  sin  as  I  have  done ; 
still  crying  out,  "  Oh  !  that  I  had  turned  sooner ! 
Oh  !  that  I  had  turned  seven  years  ago  !"  It 
made  me  also  angry  with  myself,  to  think  that 


"^  36  BUNYAN'S 

I  should  have  no  more  wit,  but  to  trifle  away 
my  time,  till  my  soul  and  heaven  were  lost. 

68.  But  when  I  had  been  long  vexed  with 
'    this  fear,  and  was  scarce  able  to  take  one  step 

more ;  just  about  the  same  place  where  I  re- 
ceived my  other  encouragement,  these  words 
broke  in  upon  my  mind,  "Compel  them  to  come 
in,  that  my  house  may  be  filled ;  and  yet  there 
is  room."*  These  ^vords,  but  especially  those, 
i/  "  And  yet  there  is  room,"  were  sweet  words  to 
me :  for  truly,  I  thought  that  by  them  I  saw 
there  was  place  enough  in  heaven  for  me ;  and 
moreover,  that  when  the  Lord  Jesus  did  speak 
these  words,  he  then  did  think  of  me  ;  and  that 
he  knowing  that  the  time  would  come  that  I 
should  be  afflicted  with  fear,  that  there  was  no 
place  left  for  me  in  his  bosom,  did  before  speak 
this  word,  and  leave  it  upon  record,  that  I  might 
find  help  thereby  against  this  vile  temptation. 
This  I  then  verily  believed. 

69.  In  the  light  and  encouragement  of  this 
word,  I  went  a  pretty  while ;  and  the  comfort 
w^as  the  more,  when  I  thought  that  the  Lord 
Jesus  should  think  on  me  so  long  agO;  and  that 
he  should  speak  those  words  on  purpose  for  my 
sake  ;  for  I  did  think  verily,  that  he  did  on  pur» 
pose  speak  them  to  encourage  me  withal. 

70.  But  I  was  not  without  my  temptations  to 
go  back  again ;  temptations,  I  say,  both  from 
Satan,  mine  own  heart,  and  carnal  acquaint- 
ance :  but  I  thank  God,  these  were  outweighed 
by  that  sound  sense  of  death,  and  of  the  day 

*  I.uke  xiv.  22,  23. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  37 

of  iudo-nient,  which  abode,  as  it  were  contin- 
ually in  my  view.  I  would  often  also  think  on 
Nebuchadnezzar,  of  whom  it  is  said,  "He  had 
dven  him  all  the  kingdoms  of  the  earth 
^  Yet  (thought  I),  if  this  great  man  had  aU  his 
portion  in  this  world,  one  hour  in  hell  fire  would 
make  him  forget  all."  Which  consideration 
was  a  great  help  to  me. 

71    I  was  almost  made,  about  this  time,  to 
see  something  concerning  the  beasts  that  Moses 
counted  clean  and  unclean:  I   thought  those 
])easts  were  types  of  men  ;  the  clean,  types  ot 
them  that  were  the  people  of  God ;  but  the  un- 
clean, types  of  such  as  were  the  children  of  the 
wicked  one.     Now  I  read,  that  the  clean  beasts 
-'chewed  the  cud;"  that  is,   thougbt  I,  they 
show  us,  we  must  feed  upon  the  word  of  God  : 
they  also  "parted  the  hoof."     I  thought  that 
signified,  we  must  part  (if  we  would  be  saved) 
with  the  ways  of  ungodly  men.     And  also,  in 
farther  reading  about  them,  I  found,  that  though 
we  did  chew  the  cud  as  the  hare ;  yet  if  we 
vv^alked  with  claws  like  a   dog ;  or  if  we  did 
part  the  hoof  hkc  the  swine ;  yet,  if  we  did  not 
chew  the  cud  as  the  sheep,  we  are  stiU,  lor  ail 
that,  but  unclean.     For  1  thought  the  hare  to 
be  a  type  of  those  that  talk  of  the  word,  yet 
walk  in  the  ways  of  sin ;  and  that  the  swine 
was  like  him  that  parted  with  his  outward  pol- 
lution, but  StiU  wanteth  the  word  of  faith,  witH- 
out  which,  there  could  be  no  way  of  salvation, 
let  a  man  be  ever  so  devout :  Deut.  xiv.     Alter 


♦  See  Dan.  v.  18,  19. 

4 


38  BUNYAN'S 

this,  I  found  by  reading  the  word,  that  those 
that  must  be  glorified  with  Christ  in  another 
world  "  must  be  called  by  him  here  ;"  called  to 
the  partaking  of  a  share  in  his  word  and  right- 
eousness, and  to  the  comforts  and  first  fruits  of 
his  Spirit ;  and  to  a  peculiar  interest  in  all  those 
heavenly  things,  which  do  indeed  prepare  the 
soul  for  that  rest  and  house  of  glory,  which  is 
in  heaven  above. 

72.  Here  again,  I  was  at  a  very  great  stand, 
not  knowing  what  to  do,  fearing  I  was  not 
called:  "For,  (thought  L)  if  I  be  not  called, 
what  then  can  do  me  good  ?  None  but  those 
who  are  effectually  called  inherit  the  kingdom 
of  heaven."  But  oh  !  how  I  now  loved  those 
words  that  spake  of  a  Christian's  calling  !  As 
when  the  Lord  said  to  one,  "  Follow  me  ;"  and 
to  another,  "  Come  after  me."  And  "  Oh  ! 
(thought  I,)  that  he  would  say  so  to  me  too : 
how  gladly  would  I  run  after  him !" 

73.  I  cannot  now  express  with  what  longings 
and  breathings  in  my  soul  I  cried  to  Christ  to 
call  me.  Thus  I  continued  for  a  time,  all  on  a 
flame  to  be  converted  to  Jesus  Christ ;  and  did 
also  see  at  that  day  such  glory  in  a  converted 
state,  that  I  could  not  be  contented  without  a 
share  therein.  Gold  !  could  it  have  been  gotten 
for  gold;  what  would  I  have  given  for  it !  Had 
I  had  a  whole  world,  it  had  all  gone  ten  thou- 
sand times  over  for  this,  that  my  soul  might 
have  been  in  a  converted  state. 

74.  How  lovely  now  was  every  one  in  my 
eyes,  that  I  thought  to  be  converted  men  and 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  39 

women !  They  shone,  they  walked  hke  a  peo- 
ple that  carried  the  broad  seal  of  heaven  about 
them.  Oh  !  I  saw  the  lot  '•  was  fallen  to  them 
in  pleasant  places,  and  they  had  a  goodly  heri- 
tage."* But  that  which  made  me  sick  was  that 
of  Christ,  in  St.  Mark  :t  '•  He  went  up  into  a 
mountain,  and  called  to  him  whom  he  would  ; 
and  they  came  unto  him." 

75.  This  scripture  made  me  faint  and  fear  ; 
yet  it  kindled  fire  in  my  soul.  That  which 
made  me  fear  was  this — lest  Christ  should  have 
no  liking  to  me,  for  he  called  whom  he  would. 
But  oh !  the  glory  that  I  saw  in  that  condition 
did  so  engage  my  heart,  that  I  could  seldom 
read  of  any  that  Christ  did  call,  but  I  presently 
wished — '•  Would  I  had  been  in  their  clothes  ; 
would  I  had  been  born  Peter  ;  would  I  had  been 
born  John  ;  or,  would  I  had  been  by,  and  heard 
him  when  he  called  them ;  how  would  I  have 
cried,  O  Lord,  call  me  also  !  But,  oh  !  I  feared 
he  would  not  call  me." 

76.  And  truly,  the  Lord  let  me  go  thus  many 
months  together,  and  showed  me  nothing :  either 
that  I  was  already,  or  should  be  called  hereafter. 
But  at  last,  after  much  time  spent,  and  many 
groans  to  God,  that  I  might  be  made  partaker 
of  the  holy  and  heavenly  calling,  that  word 
came  in  upon  me,  '•  I  will  cleanse  their  blood, 
that  I  have  not  cleansed  :  for  the  Lord  dwclleth 
in  Zion."l  These  words  I  thought  were  sent 
to  encourage  me  to  wait  still  upon  God ;  and 
signified  unto  me,  that  if  I  were  not  already, 

*  Psalm  xvi,  5.  t  Chap.  iii.  13.  :  Joel  iil  21, 


40  BUNYAN'S 

yet  time  might  come,  I  might  be  in  truth  con- 
verted unto  Christ. 

77.  About  this  time  I  began  to  break  my 
mind  to  those  poor  people  in  Bedford,  and  to 
tell  them  my  condition  ;  which  when  they  had 
heard,  they  told  Mr.  Gifford  of  me,  w^io  himself 
also  took  occasion  to  talk  with  me ;  and  was 
wilhng  to  be  well  persuaded  of  me,  though  I 
think  from  little  grounds.  But  he  invited  me 
to  his  house,  w^here  I  should  hear  him  confer 
with  others,  about  the  deahngs  of  God  with  theii 
souls.  From  all  which  I  still  received  more  con- 
viction, and  from  that  time  began  to  see  some- 
thing of  the  vanity  and  inw^ard  wretchedness 
of  my  wicked  heart :  for  as  yet  I  knew  no  great 
matter  therein,  but  now  it  began  to  be  dis- 
covered unto  me,  and  also  to  work  at  that  rate 
as  it  never  did  before.  Now  I  evidently  found, 
that  lusts  and  corruptions  put  forth  themselves 
within  me,  in  wicked  thoughts  and  desires, 
which  I  did  not  regard  before ;  my  desires  also 
for  heaven  and  life  began  to  fail ;  I  found  also, 
that  whereas  before,  my  soul  w^as  full  of  long- 
ing after  God;  now  it  began  to  hanker  after 
every  foolish  vanity  :  yea,  my  heart  would  not 
be  moved  to  mind  that  which  was  good  ;  it  be 
gan  to  be  careless  both  of  my  soul  and  iieaven , 
it  would  now  continually  hang  back,  both  to 
and  in  every  duty ;  and  was  as  a  clog  on  the 
leg  of  a  bird,  to  hinder  him  from  flying. 

78.  "  Nay,"  (I  thought,)  "  now  I  grow  worse 
and  worse :  now  I  am  farther  from  conversion 
than  ever  I  was  before."'    Wherefore  I  began  to 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  41 

sink  greatly  in  my  soul,  and  began  to  entertain 
such  discouragement  in  my  heart,  as  laid  me  as 
low  as  hell.  If  now  I  should  have  burned  at 
the  stake,  I  could  not  believe  that  Christ  had  a 
love  for  me :  alas !  I  could  neither  hear  him, 
nor  see  him,  nor  feel  him,  nor  favour  any  of 
his  things ;  I  was  driven  as  with  a  tempest ; 
my  heart  would  be  unclean  ;  and  the  Canaan- 
ites  would  dwell  in  the  land. 

79.  Sometimes  I  would  tell  my  condition  to 
the  people  of  God  ;  which  when  they  heard, 
they  woiild  pit}-  me,  and  would  tell  me  of  the 
promises  :  but  they  had  as  good  have  told  me, 
that  I  must  reach  the  sun  with  my  finger,  as 
have  bidden  me  receive  or  rely  upon  the  pro- 
mises ;  and  as  soon  I  should  have  done  it :  all 
my  sense  and  feeling  was  against  me  ;  and  I 
saw  I  had  a  heart  that  would  sin,  and  that  lay 
under  a  law  that  would  condemn. 

80.  These  things  have  often  made  me  think 
of  the  child  which  the  father  brought  to  Christ, 
"  Who.  while  he  was  yet  a-coming  to  him,  was 
thrown  down  by  the  devil,  and  also  so  rent  and 
torn  by  him,  that  he  lay  and  wallowed,  foam- 
ing."* 

81.  Further,  in  these  days,  I  would  find  my 
heart  to  shut  itself  up  against  the  Lord,  and 
against  his  holy  word.  I  have  found  my  un- 
belief to  set,  as  it  were,  the  shoulder  to  the  door, 
to  keep  him  out ;  and  that  too  even  then,  when 
I  have  with  many  a  bitter  sigh  cried.  Good  Lord, 
break  it  open :  Lord,  break  these  "gates  of  brass," 

*  L\jke  ix.  42  ;  Mark  ix.  20, 
4* 


43  BUNYAN'S 

and  "cut  these  bars  of  iron  asunder/^*  Yti 
that  word  would  sometimes  create  in  my  heart 
a  peaceable  pause — "  I  girded  thee,  though  thou 
hast  not  known  me."t 

82.  But  all  this  while,  as  to  the  act  of  sinning, 
I  was  never  more  tender  than  now  :  my  hinder 
parts  were  inward :  I  durst  not  take  a  pin  or 
stick,  though  but  so  big  as  a  straw,  for  my  con- 
science now  was  sore,  and  would  smart  at  every 
touch :  I  could  not  now  tell  how  to  speak  my 
words,  for  fear  I  should  misplace  them.  Oh, 
how  cautiously  did  I  then  go,  in  all  I  did  or 
said  !  I  found  myself  as  in  a  miry  bog,  that 
shook  if  I  did  but  stir,  and  was,  as  there,  left 
both  of  God  and  Christ,  and  the  Spirit,  and  all 
good  things. 

83.  But  I  observed,  though  I  was  such  a 
great  sinner  before  conversion  ;  yet  God  never 
much  charged  the  guilt  of  the  sins  of  my  igno- 
rance upon  me  :  only  he  showed  me,  I  was  lost 
if  I  had  not  Christ,  because  I  had  been  a  sin- 
ner :  I  saw  that  I  wanted  a  perfect  righteous- 
ness to  present  me  v/ithout  fault  before  God  ; 
and  this  righteousness  was  nowhere  to  be  found, 
but  in  the  person  of  Jesus  Christ. 

84.  But  my  original  and  inward  pollution — 
that,  that  was  my  plague  and  affliction  ;  that  I 
saw  at  a  dreadful  rate,  always  putting  forth 
itself  within  me  ;  that  I  had  the  guilt  of,  to 
amazement ;  by  reason  of  that,  I  was  more 
loathsome  in  mine  own  eyes  than  a  toad,  and 
I  thought  I  was  so  in  God's  eyes  too  :  sin  and 

*  Psalm  cvii,  16.  +  Isaiah  xlv,  5. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  43 

corruption,  1  said,  would  as  naturally  bubble 
out  of  iny  heart,  as  water  would  bubble  out  of 
a  fountain.  I  thought  now,  that  every  one  had 
a  better  heart  than  I  had  ;  I  could  have  changed 
heart  with  any  body ;  I  thought  none  but  the 
devil  himself  could  equalize  me  for  inward 
wickedness  and  pollution  of  mind.  I  fell  there- 
fore at  the  sight  of  my  own  vileness  deeply  in 
despair  ;  for  I  concluded,  that  this  condition 
that  I  was  in  could  not  stand  with  a  state  of 
grace.  "  Sure  (thought  I,)  I  am  forsaken  of 
God  ;  sure,  I  am  given  up  to  the  devil,  and  to 
a  reprobate  mind.''  And  thus  I  continued  a 
long  while,  even  for  some  years  togetlier. 

85.  When  I  was  thus  afflicted  with  the  fears 
of  my  own  damnation,  there  were  two  things 
would  make  me  wonder  ;  the  one  was,  when 
I  saw  old  people  hunting  after  the  things  of 
this  life,  as  if  they  should  live  here  always ;  the 
other  was,  when  I  found  professors  much  dis- 
tressed and  cast  down,  when  they  met  with  out- 
ward losses  ;  as  of  husband,  wife,  child,  &c. 
"  Lord,  (thought  I,)  what  a-do  is  here  about 
such  little  things  as  these  !  What  seeking  after 
carnal  things  by  some,  and  what  grief  in  others 
for  the  loss  of  them  !  If  they  so  much  labour 
after,  and  shed  so  many  tears  for  the  things  of 
this  present  life,  how  am  I  to  be  bemoaned, 
pitied,  and  prayed  for  !  My  soul  is  dying,  my 
80ul  is  damning.  Were  my  soul  but  in  a  good 
condition,  and  were  I  but  sure  of  it;  ah  !  how 
rich  sh.ould  I  esteem  myself,  though  blessed 
but  with  bread  and  water !  1  should  count  those 


44  BUNYAN'S 

but  small  afflictions,  and  should  bear  them  as 
little  burthens.  A  wounded  spirit  who  can 
bear  ?" 

86.  And  though  I  was  much  troubled,  and 
tossed,  and  afflicted,  with  the  sight  and  sense 
and  terror  of  my  own  wickedness,  yet  I  was 
afraid  to  let  this  sight  and  sense  go  quite  oft' 
my  mind  :  for  I  found,  that  unless  guilt  of  con- 
science was  taken  off"  the  right  way,  that  is,  by 
the  blood  of  Christ,  a  man  grew  rather  worse 
for  the  loss  of  his  trouble  of  mind,  than  trouble. 
Wherefore,  if  my  guilt  lay  hard  upon  me,  then 
should  I  cry  that  the  blood  of  Christ  might  take 
it  off" ;  and  it  was  going  off  without  it,  (for  the 
sense  of  sin  would  be  sometimes  as  if  it  would 
die,  and  go  quite  away,)  then  I  would  also 
strive  to  fetch  it  upon  my  heart  again,  by  bring- 
ing the  punishment  of  sin  in  hell-fire  upon  my 
spirits ;  and  would  cry,  "  Lord,  let  it  not  go  off 
my  heart,  but  the  right  way, — by  the  blood  of 
Christ,  and  the  application  of  thy  mercy,  through 
him,  to  my  soul;"  for  that  scripture*  did  lay 
much  upon  me,  "AVithout  shedding  of  blood 
there  is  no  redemption."  And  that  Avhich  made 
me  the  more  afraid  of  this  was,  because  I  had 
seen  some,  who,  though  they  were  under  the 
wounds  of  conscience,  would  cry  and  pray  ;  yet 
feehng  rather  present  ease  for  their  trouble  than 
pardon  for  their  sin,  cared  not  how  they  lost 
their  guilt,  so  they  got  it  out  of  their  mind  :  now, 
having  got  it  off  the  wrong  way,  it  was  not 
sanctified  unto  them  ;  but  they  grew  harder 
*  Heb.  ix.  22. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  45 

and  blinder,  and  more  wicked  after  their  trouble. 
This  made  me  afraid,  and  made  me  cry  to  God 
the  more,  that  it  might  not  be  so  with  me. 

87.  And  now  I  was  sorry  that  God  had  made 
me  man,  for  I  feared  I  was  a  reprobate.  I 
counted  man  as  unconverted,  the  most  doleful 
of  all  creatures. — Thus  being  afflicted  and 
tossed  about  my  sad  condition,  I  counted  my- 
self alone,  and  above  the  most  of  men  un- 
blessed. 

88.  Yea,  I  thought  it  impossible  that  ever  I 
should  attain  to  so  much  godliness  of  heart,  as 
to  thank  God  that  he  had  made  me  a  man. 
Man  indeed  is  the  most  noble  by  creation  of  all 
creatures  in  the  visible  world,  but  by  sin  he  had 
made  himself  the  most  ignoble.  The  beasts, 
birds,  fishes,  &c.,  I  blessed  their  condition,  for 
they  had  not  a  sinful  nature ;  they  were  not 
obnoxious  to  the  wrath  of  God ;  they  were  not 
to  go  to  hell-fire  after  death :  I  could  therefore 
have  rejoiced  had  my  condition  been  as  any  of 
theirs. 

89.  In  this  condition  I  went  a  great  while  ; 
but  when  the  comforting  time  was  come,  I 
heard  one  preacli  a  sermon  on  these  words  in 
the  Song,*  •'  Behold,  thou  art  fair,  my  love ;  be- 
hold, thou  art  fair."  But  at  that  time  he  made 
these  two  words,  my  love,  his  chief  and  subject 
matter  ;  from  which,  after  he  had  a  little  opened 
the  text,  he  observed  these  several  conclusions  : 
I.  "  That  the  church,  and  so  every  saved  soul, 
is  Christ's  love,  when  loveless."     2.  "  Christ's 

*  Chap.  iv.  i. 


46  BUNYAN'S 

love  without  a  cause."  3.  "  Christ's  love,  which 
hath  been  hated  of  the  world."  4.  "  Christ's 
love,  when  under  temptation  and  under  de- 
struction."    5.  "  Christ's  love,  from  first  to  last." 

90.  But  I  got  nothing  but  what  he  said  at 
present ;  only  when  he  came  to  the  application 
of  the  fourth  particular,  this  was  the  word  he 
said,  "  If  it  be  so,  that  the  saved  soul  is  Christ's 
love,  when  under  temptation  and  destruction  ; 
then,  poor  tempted  soul,  when  thou  art  assaulted 
and  afflicted  with  temptations,  and  the  hidings 
of  face,  yet  think  on  these  two  words,  my  love, 
still." 

91.  So,  as  I  was  going  home,  these  words 
came  again  into  my  thoughts  ;  and  I  well  re- 
member, as  they  came  in,  I  said  thus  in  my 
heart,  "  What  shall  I  get  by  thinking  on  these 
two  Avords  ?"  This  thought  had  no  sooner 
passed  through  my  heart  but  tliese  words  began 
thus  to  kindle  in  my  spirit,  "  Thou  art  my  love, 
thou  art  my  love,"  twenty  times  together  ;  and 
still  as  they  ran  in  my  mind  they  waxed 
stronger  and  warmer,  and  began  to  make  me 
look  up  ;  but  being  as  yet  between  hope  and 
fear,  I  still  replied  in  my  heart,  "  But  is  it  true, 
but  is  it  true  ?"  At  which  that  sentence  fell 
upon  me,  "  He  wist  not  that  it  was  true  which 
was  done  unto  him  of  the  angel."* 

92.  Then  I  began  to  give  place  to  the  word, 
which,  with  power,  did  over  and  over  make 
this  joyful  sound  within  my  soul,  "  Thou  art 
my  love,  thou  art  my  love,  and  nothing  shall 

*  Acts  xii.  9. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  47 

separate  thee  from  my  love."  And  with  that 
my  heart  wa.slilled  full  of  comfort  and  hope ; 
and  now  I  could  believe  that  my  sins  would  be 
forgiven  me ;  yea,  I  was  now  so  taken  witli  the 
love  and  mercy  of  God,  that  I  remember.  I 
could  not  tell  how  to  contain  till  I  got  home :  I 
thought  I  could  have  spoken  of  his  love,  and 
have  told  of  his  mercy  to  me,  even  to  the  very 
crows  that  sat  upon  the  ploughed  lands  before 
me,  had  they  been  capable  to  have  understood 
me.  Wherefore  I  said  in  my  soul,  with  much 
gladness,  "  Well,  would  I  had  a  pen  and  ink 
here,  I  would  write  this  down  before  I  go  any 
farther,  for  surely  I  will  not  forget  this  forty 
years  hence."  But,  alas  !  within  less  than  forty 
days  I  began  to  question  all  again,  which  made 
me  begin  to  question  all  still. 

93.  Yet  still  at  times  I  was  helped  to  believe, 
that  it  was  a  true  manifestation  of  grace  unto 
my  soul,  though  I  had  lost  much  of  the  life 
and  favour  of  it. — Now,  about  a  week  or  a  fort- 
night after  this,  I  was  much  followed  by  this 
scripture,*  "  Simon,  Simon,  behold,  Satan  hath 
desired  to  have  you  :"  and  sometimes  it  would 
sound  so  loud  within  me,  yea,  and.  as  it  were, 
call  so  strongly  after  me,  that  once,  above  all 
the  rest,  I  turned  my  head  over  my  slioulder, 
thinking  verily  that  some  men  had,  behind  me, 
called  me  ;  being  at  a  great  distance,  methought 
he  called  so  loud ;  it  came,  as  I  have  thought 
since,  to  have  stirred  me  up  to  prayer  and 
to  watchfulness ;  it  came  to  acquaint  me  that  a 
*  Luke  xxii.  31, 


48  BUNYAN'S 

cloud  and  a  storm  was  coming  down  upon  me ; 
but  I  understood  it  not. 

94.  Also,  as  I  remember,  that  time  that  it 
called  to  me  so  loud  was  the  last  lime  that  it 
sounded  in  mine  ears  :  but  methinks  I  hear 
still  with  what  a  loud  voice  these  words,  "  Simon, 
Simon,"  sounded  in  mine  ears.  I  thought 
verily,  as  I  have  told  you,  that  somebody  had 
called  after  me  that  was  half  a  mile  behind  me; 
and  although  that  was  not  my  name,  yet  it 
made  me  suddenly  look  behind  me,  beheving 
that  he  who  called  so  loud  meant  me. 

95.  But  so  foolish  was  I,  and  ignorant,  that 
I  knew  not  the  reason  of  this  sound  (which,  as 
I  did  both  see  and  feel  soon  after,  was  sent  from 
heaven  as  an  alarm  to  awaken  me  to  provide 
for  wha,t  was  coming) :  only  I  would  muse  and 
wonder  in  my  mind  to  think  what  sliould  be 
the  reason  of  this  scripture,  and  that  at  this 
rate,  so  often  and  so  loud,  it  should  still  be 
sounding  and  rattling  in  mine  ears  ; — but,  as  I 
said  before,  I  soon  after  perceived  the  end  of 
God  therein. 

96.  For,  about  the  space  of  a  month  after,  a 
very  great  storm  came  down  upon  me,  which 
handled  me  twenty  times  worse  than  all  I  had 
met  with  before;  it  came  steahng  upon  me, 
now  by  one  piece,  then  by  another.  First,  all 
my  comfort  was  taken  from  me  :  then  darkness 
seized  upon  me  ;  after  which  whole  floods  of 
blasphemies,  both  against  God,  Christ,  and  the 
scriptures,  was  poured  upon  n^y  spirit,  to  my 
great    confusion    and    astonishment.      These 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  49 

blasphemous  thoughts  were  such  as  stirred  up 
questions  in  me  against  the  very  being  of  God, 
and  of  his  only  beloved  Son  ;  as,  whether  there 
were,  in  truth,  a  God,  or  Christ  ?  and  whether 
the  holy  scriptures  were  not  rather  a  fable,  and 
cunning  story,  than  the  holy  and  pure  word  of 
God. 

97.  The  tempter  would  also  much  assault  me 
with  this,  "How  can  you  tell  but  that  the 
Turks  had  as  good  scriptures  to  prove  their 
Mahomet  the  Saviour  as  we  have  to  prove  our 
Jesus  ?  And,  could  I  think,  that  so  many  ten 
thousands,  in  so  many  countries  and  kingdoms, 
should  be  without  the  knowledge  of  the  right 
way  to  heaven  (if  there  were  indeed  a  heaven) ; 
and  that  we  only,  who  live  in  a  corner  of  the 
earth,  should  alone  be  blessed  therewith  ?  Every 
one  doth  think  his  own  religion  rightest,  both 
Jews,  and  Moors,  and  Pagans ;  and  how,  if  all 
our  faith,  and  Christ,  and  scriptures,  should  be 
but  a  think-so  too  ?" 

98.  Sometimes  I  have  endeavoured  to  argue 
against  these  suggestions,  and  to  set  some  of  the 
sentences  of  blessed  Paul  agahist  them ;  but, 
alas  !  I  quickly  felt,  when  I  thus  did,  such  ar- 
guings  as  these  would  return  again  upon  me, 
"  Though  we  made  so  great  a  matter  of  Paul, 
and  of  his  words,  yet  how  could  I  tell,  but  that, 
in  very  deed,  he,  being  a  subtle  and  cunning 
man,  might  give  himself  up  to  deceive  with 
strong  delusions,  and  also  take  tlic  pains  and 
travel  to  undo  and  destroy  his  fellows  ?" 

99.  These  suggestions   (with   many    other 

5 


50  BUNYAN'S 

which  at  this  time  I  may  not,  nor  dare  not 
utter,  neither  by  word  or  pen)  did  make  such  a 
seizure  upon  my  spirit,  and  did  so  overweigh 
my  heart,  both  with  their  number,  continuance, 
and  fiery  force,  that  I  felt  as  if  there  were  no- 
thing else  but  these  from  morning  to  night 
within  me,  and  as  though  indeed  there  could 
be  room  for  nothing  else  ;  and  I  also  concluded, 
that  God  had,  in  very  wrath  to  my  soul,  given 
me  up  to  them,  to  be  carried  away  with  them, 
as  with  a  mighty  whirlwind. 

100.  Only  by  the  distate  that  they  gave  unto 
my  spirit,  I  felt  there  was  something  in  me  that 
refused  to  embrace  me.  But  this  consideration 
I  then  only  had  when  God  gave  me  leave  to 
swallow  my  spittle ;  otherwise  the  noise,  and 
strength,  and  force  of  these  temptations  would 
drown  and  overflow,  and,  as  it  were,  bury  all 
such  thoughts,  or  the  remembrance  of  any  such 
thing.  While  I  was  in  this  temptation  I  often 
found  my  mind  suddenly  put  upon  it  to  curse 
and  swear,  or  to  speak  some  grievous  thing 
against  God,  or  Christ  his  Son,  and  of  the  scrip- 
tures. 

101.  Now  I  thought,  "Surely  I  am  possessed 
of  the  devil."  At  other  times  again  I  thought 
I  should  be  bereft  of  my  wits ;  for,  instead  of 
lauding  and  magnifying  God  the  I/ord,  with 
others,  if  I  have  but  heard  him  spoken  of,  pres- 
ently some  most  horrible  blasphemous  thought  or 
other  would  bolt  out  of  my  heart  against  him  ; 
so  that  whether  I  did  think  that  God  was,  or 
again  did  think  there  was  no  such  thing,  no 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  51 

love,  nor  peace,  nor  gracious  disposition  could  I 
feel  within  me. 

102.  These  things  did  sink  me  into  very 
deep  despair  ;  for  I  concluded  that  such  things 
could  not  possibly  be  found  amongst  them  that 
loved  God.  I  often,  when  these  temptations 
had  been  with  force  upon  me,  did  compare  my- 
self to  the  case  of  such  a  child,  whom  some 
gipsy  hath  by  force  taken  up  in  her  arms,  and 
is  carrying  from  friend  and  country :  kick 
sometimes  I  did,  and  also  shriek  and  cry  ;  but 
yet  I  v,-as  bound  in  the  wings  of  temptation, 
and  the  wind  would  carry  me  away.  I  thought 
also  of  Saul,  and  of  the  evil  spirit  that  did  pos- 
sess him,*  and  did  greatly  fear  that  my  condi- 
tion was  the  same  with  that  of  his. 

103.  In  these  days,  when  I  have  heard  others 
talk  of  what  was  the  sin  against  the  Holy 
Ghost,  then  would  the  tempter  so  provoke  me 
to  desire  to  sin  that  sin,  that  I  was  as  if  I  could 
not,  must  not.  neither  should  be  quiet  until  I 
had  committed  it ;  now,  no  sin  would  serve  but 
that.  If  it  were  to  be  committed  by  speaking 
of  such  a  word,  then  I  have  been  as  if  my 
mouth  would  have  spoken  that  word  whether 
I  would  or  no  :  and  in  so  strong  a  measure  was 
this  temptation  upon  me,  that  often  I  have  been 
ready  to  clap  my  hands  under  my  chin,  to  hold 
my  mouth  from  opening ;  and  to  that  end  also 
I  have  had  thoughts  at  other  times  to  leap  with 
my  head  downward  into  some  muck-hill  hole  or 
other,  to  keep  my  mouth  from  speaking. 

*  1  Sam.  xvi.  14. 


52  BUNYAN'S 

104.  Now  again  I  beheld  the  condition  of  the 
dog"  and  toad,  and  counted  the  estate  of  every 
thing  that  God  had  made  far  better  than  this 
dreadful  state  of  mine,  and  such  as  my  com- 
panions was.  Yea,  gladly  would  I  have  been 
in  the  condition  of  a  dog  or  horse  ;  for  I  knew 
they  had  no  souls  to  perish  under  the  everlast- 
ing weight  of  hell,  or  sin,  as  mine  was  like  to 
do.  Nay,  and  though  I  saw  this,  felt  this,  and 
was  broken  to  pieces  with  it,  yet  that  which 
added  to  my  sorrow  was,  that  I  could  not  find 
that  with  all  my  soul  I  did  desire  deliverance. 
That  scripture  did  also  tear  and  rend  my  soul 
in  the  midst  of  these  distractions  :  "  The  wicked 
are  like  the  troubled  sea,  which  cannot  rest, 
whose  waters  cast  up  mire  and  dirt.  There  is 
no  peace  to  the  wicked,  saith  my  God.''* 

10.5.  And  now  my  heart  w^as,  at  times,  ex- 
ceeding hard  ;  if  I  would  have  given  a  thousand 
pounds  for  a  tear  I  could  not  shed  one,  no,  nor 
sometimes  scarce  desire  to  shed  one.  I  was 
much  dejected  to  think  that  this  would  be  my 
lot.  I  saw  some  could  mourn  and  lament  their 
sin ;  and  others,  again,  could  rejoice  and  bless 
God  for  Christ ;  and  others,  again,  could 
quietly  talk  of,  and  with  gladness  remember, 
the  word  of  God ;  while  I  only  was  in  the 
storm  or  tempest.  This  much  sunk  me:  I 
thought  my  condition  was  alone ;  I  should 
therefore  much  bewail  my  hard  hap ;  but  get 
out  of,  or  get  rid  of  these  things,  I  could  not. 

106.  While  this  temptation  lasted  (wliich  was 
♦  Isaiah  Ivii.  20,  31. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  53 

about  a  year)  I  could  attend  upon  none  of  the 
ordinances  of  God,  but  with  sore  and  great 
affliction.  Yea,  then  was  I  most  distressed  with 
blasphemies.  If  I  had  been  hearing  the  word, 
then  uncleanness,  blasphemies,  and  despair, 
would  hold  me  a  captive  there ;  if  I  have  been 
reading-,  then  sometimes  I  had  sudden  thoughts 
to  question  all  I  read  ;  sometimes,  again,  my 
mind  would  be  so  strangely  snatched  away, 
and  possessed  with  other  things,  that  I  have 
neither  known,  nor  regarded,  nor  remembered 
so  much  as  the  sentence  that  but  now  I  have 
read. 

107.  In  prayer  also  I  have  been  greatly 
troubled  at  this  time  :  sometimes  I  have  thought 
I  have  felt  him,  behind  me,  pull  my  clothes  ; 
he  would  be  also  continually  at  me  in  time  of 
prayer,  to  have  done,  break  off: — "Make  haste, 
you  have  prayed  enough,  and  stay  no  longer  ;" 
still  drawing  my  mind  away.  Sometimes  also 
he  would  cast  in  such  wicked  thouglits  as  these, 
'•'  That  I  must  pray  to  him,  or  for  him."  I  have 
thought  sometimes  of  that  in  Matthew,*  '•  Fall 
down ;"  or,  "  If  thou  wilt,  fall  down  and  wor- 
ship me." 

108.  Also,  when,  because  I  have  had  wan- 
dering thoughts  in  the  time  of  this  duty,  I  have 
laboured  to  compose  my  mind,  and  fix  it  upon 
God;  then  with  great  force  hath  the  tempter 
laboured  to  distract  me,  and  confound  me,  and 
to  turn  away  my  mind,  by  presenting  to  my 
heart  and  fancy  the  form  of  a  bush,  a  bull,  a 

*  Chap.  iv.  9. 
5* 


54  BUNYAN'S 

besom,  or  the  like  ;  as  if  I  should  pray  to  these. 
To  'these  he  would  also  (at  some  times  especi- 
ally) so  hold  my  mind,  that  I  was  as  if  I  could 
think  of  nothing  else,  or  pray  to  nothing  else 
but  to  these,  or  such  as  they. 

109.  Yet  at  times  I  should  have  some  strong 
and  heart-affecting  apprehensions  of  God,  and 
the  reality  of  the  truth  of  his  gospel.  But,  oh  ! 
how  would  my  heart  at  such  times  put  forth 
itself  with  unexpressible  groanings.  My  whole 
soul  was  then  in  every  word  ;  I  should  cry 
with  pangs  after  God,  that  he  would  be  merci- 
ful unto  me.  But  then  I  should  be  daunted 
again  with  such  conceits  as  these ;  I  should 
think  that  God  did  mock  at  these  my  prayers, 
saying  (and  that  in  the  audience  of  the  holy 
angels,)  "  This  poor  simple  wretch  doth  hanker 
after  me  as  if  I  had  nothing  to  do  with  my 
mercy  but  to  bestow  it  on  such  as  he.  Alas, 
poor  soul !  how  art  thou  deceived  !  It  is  not  for 
such  as  thee  to  have  favour  with  the  Highest." 

110.  Then  hath  the  tempter  come  upon  me 
also  with  such  discouragements  as  these :  "  You 
are  very  hot  for  mercy,  but  I  will  cool  you  ;  this 
frame  shall  not  last  always ;  many  have  been 
as  hot  as  you  for  a  spirit,  but  I  have  quenched 
their  zeal"  (and  with  this,  such  and  such,  who 
were  fallen  off  would  be  set  before  mine  eyes.) 
Then  I  would  be  afraid  that  I  should  do  so 
too  :  "  But  (thought  I)  I  am  glad  this  comes  into 
my  mind :  well,  I  Avill  watch,  and  take  what 
care  I  can." — "  Though  you  do  (said  Satan)  I 
shall  be  too  hard  for  you ;  I  will  cool  you  in- 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  55 

sensibly,  by  degrees,  by  little  and  little.  What 
care  I  (saith  he)  though  I  be  seven  years  in 
chilling  your  heart,  if  I  can  do  it  at  last  ?  Con- 
tinual rocking  will  lull  a  crying  child  asleep  :  I 
will  ply  it  close,  but  I  wdll  have  my  end  accom- 
plished. Though  you  be  burning  hot  at  pre- 
sent, I  can  pull  you  from  this  fire  ;  I  shall  have 
you  cold  before  it  be  long." 

111.  These  things  brought  me  into  great 
straits ;  for  as  I  at  present  could  not  find  my- 
self fit  for  present  death,  so  I  thought  to  five 
long,  would  make  me  yet  more  unfit ;  for  time 
would  make  me  forget  all,  and  wear  even  the, 
remembrance  of  the  evil  of  sin,  the  worth  of 
heaven,  and  the  need  I  had  of  the  blood  of 
Christ  to  wash  me,  both  out  of  mind  and 
thought.  But  I  thank  Christ  Jesus,  these 
things  did  not  at  present  make  me  slack  my 
crying,  but  rather  did  put  me  more  upon  it, 
(hke  her  who  met  with  the  adulterer  ;*)  in 
which  days  that  was  a  good  word  to  me,  after 
I  had  suffered  these  things  a  while : — '•  I  am 
persuaded  that  neither  death,  nor  hfe,  (&c.) 
shall  separate  us  from  the  love  of  God,  which 
is  in  Christ  Jesus."t  And  now  I  hoped  long 
life  would  not  destroy  me,  nor  make  me  miss 
of  heaven. 

112.  Yet  I  had  some  supports  in  this  tempta- 
tion, though  they  w^ere  then  all  questioned  by 
me ;  that  in  Jeremiah  iii,t  at  the  first,  was  some- 

*  See  Dcut.  xxii.  26.  t  Rom.  viii.  38,  39. 

X  The  author  here  probably  means  the  gracious  promises  in 
that  chapter,  at  the  12th  and  following  verses. 


56  BUNYAN'S 

thing  to  me ;  and  so  was  the  consideration  of 
verse  4  of  that  chapter  ;  that  though  we  have 
spoken  and  done  as  evil  things  as  we  could, 
yet  we  shall  cry  unto  God,  ''  My  Father,  thou 
art  the  guide  of  my  youth  ;"  and  shall  return 
unto  him. 

113.  I  had  also  once  a  sweet  glance  from 
that  in  2  Cor.  v.  12  :  "  For  he  hath  made  HIM 
to  be  sin  for  us,  who  knew  no  sin,  that  we 
might  be  made  the  righteousness  of  God  in 
Him." — I  remember  that  one  day,  as  I  was 
sitting  in  a  neighbour's  house,  and  there  very 
sad  at  the  consideration  of  my  many  blas- 
phemies ;  and  as  I  was  saying  in  my  mind, 
"  What  ground  have  I  to  say  that  I,  who  have 
been  so  vile  and  abominable,  should  ever  in- 
herit eternal  life  ?  that  word  came  suddenly 
upon  me,  "What  shall  we  say  to  these  things? 
If  God  be  for  us,  who  can  be  against  us  ?"* 
That  also  was  a  help  unto  me  :  "  Because  I 
live,  5^ou  shall  live  also."t  But  these  words  were 
but  hints,  touches,  and  short  visits,  though  very 
sweet  when  present ;  only  they  lasted  not ;  but, 
like  to  Peter's  sheet,t  of  a  sudden  were  caught 
up  from  me  to  heaven  again.     '^ 

114.  But  afterwards  the  Lord  did  more  fully 
and  graciously  discover  himself  unto  me :  and, 
indeed,  did  quite,  not  only  deliver  me  from  the 
guilt  that  by  these  things  was  laid  upon  my 
conscience,  but  also  from  the  very  filth  thereof: 
for  the  temptation  was  removed,  and  I  was  put 

*  Rom.  viii.  31.  t  John  xiv,  19.  i  Acts  x.  16. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  57 

into  my  right  mind  again,  as  other  Christians 
were. 

115.  I  remember  that  one  day,  as  I  was  tra- 
velhng  into  the  country,  and  musing  on  the 
wickedness  and  blasphemy  of  my  heart,  and 
considering  the  enmity  that  was  in  me  to  God, 
that  scripture  came  into  my  mind,  "  He  hath 
niade  peace  by  the  blood  of  his  cross  :"'*  by 
which  I  was  made  to  see,  both  again  and  again, 
that  God  and  my  soul  were  friends  by  his  blood ; 
yea,  I  saw  that  the  justice  of  God,  and  my  sin- 
ful soul,  could  embrace  and  kiss  each  other, 
through  his  blood.  This  was  a  good  day  to 
me  ;  I  hope  I  shall  never  forget  it. 

116.  At  another  time,  as  I  sat  by  the  fire  in 
my  house,  and  musing  on  my  wretchedness,  the 
Lord  made  that  also  a  precious  word  unto  me  : 
"  Forasmuch  then  as  children  are  partakers  of 
the  flesh  and  blood,  he  also  himself  likewise 
took  part  of  the  same ;  that  through  death  he 
might  destroy  him  that  had  the  power  of  death, 
that  is,  the  devil ;  and  deliver  those  who,  through 
the  fear  of  death,  were  all  their  life  subject  to 
bondage.!  I  thought  that  the  glory  of  these 
words  was  then  so  weighty  on  me,  that  I  was 
both  once  and  twice  ready  to  swoon  as  I  sat ; 
yet  not  with  grief  and  trouble,  but  with  solid 
joy  and  peace. 

117.  At  this  time,  also,  I  sat  under  tlie  minis- 
try of  holy  Mr.  Gilford,  whose  doctrine,  by  God's 
grace,  was  much  for  my  stability.  This  man 
made  it  much  his  business  to  deliver  the  people 

*  Col.  i.  20.  t  Heb.  ii.  14,  15. 


53  BUNYAN'S 

of  God  from  all  those  hard  and  unsound  tests 
that  by  nature  we  are  prone  to.  He  would  bid 
us  take  special  heed  that  we  took  not  up  any 
truth  upon  trust ;  as  from  this,  or  that,  or  any 
other  man  or  men  ;  but  cry  mightily  to  God, 
that  he  would  convince  us  of  the  reality  thereof, 
and  set  us  down  therein  by  his  own  Spirit  in 
the  holy  word  ;  "  For  (said  he)  if  you  do  other 
w^se,  when  temptation  comes,  if  strongly  upon 
you,  you  not  having  received  them  v/ith  evidence 
from  Heaven,  will  find  you  want  that  help  and 
strength  now  to  resist,  that  once  you  thought 
you  had." 

118.  This  was  as  seasonable  to  my  soul  as 
the  "  former  and  latter  rains  in  their  season  ;" 
for  I  had  found,  and  that  by  sad  experience,  the 
truth  of  these  his  w^ords  (for  I  had  felt  no  man 
can  say,  especially  when  tempted  by  the  devil, 
"  That  Jesus  Christ  is  Lord,  but  by  the  Holy 
Ghost.")  Wherefore  I  found  my  soul,  through 
grace,  very  apt  to  drink  in  this  doctrine,  and  to 
incline  to  pray  to  God,  that  in  nothing  that  per- 
tained to  God's  glory,  and  my  own  eternal  hap- 
piness, he  would  suffer  me  to  be  without  the 
confirmation  thereof  from  heaven  :  for  now  I 
saw  clearly,  there  was  an  exceeding  difference 
betwixt  the  notion  of  the  flesh  and  blood,  and 
the  revelation  of  God  in  heaven  :  also  a  great 
difference  betwixt  that  faith  that  is  feigned,  and 
according  to  man's  wisdom,  and  that  which 
comes  by  a  man's  being  "  born  thereto  of  God."* 

119.  But  oh  !  now,   how  was  my  soul  led 

*  1  John  V.  1. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  59 

from  truth  to  truth  by  God !  Even  from  the 
birth  and  cradle  of  the  Son  of  God,  to  his  ac- 
cession, and  second  coming  from  heaven  to 
judge  the  world ! 

120.  Truly,  I  then  found,  upon  this  account, 
the  great  God  was  very  good  unto  me ;  for,  to 
my  remembrance,  there  was  not  any  thing  that 
I  then  cried  unto  God  to  make  known,  and  re- 
veal unto  me,  but  he  was  pleased  to  do  it  for 
me ;  I  mean,  not  one  part  of  the  Gospel  of  the 
Lord  Jesus,  but  I  w^as  orderly  led  into  it.  Me- 
thought  I  saw  with  great  evidence,  from  the 
four  Evangelists,  the  wonderful  works  of  God, 
in  giving  Jesus  Christ  to  save  us,  from  his  con- 
ception and  birth,  even  to  his  second  coming  to 
judgment :  Methought  I  Avas  as  if  I  had  seen 
him  born,  as  if  I  had  seen  him  grow  up ;  as  if 
I  had  seen  him  walk  through  this  world,  from 
the  cradle  to  the  cross :  to  which  also,  when  he 
came,  I  saw  how  gently  he  gave  himself  to  be 
hanged,  and  nailed  on  it  for  my  sins  and  wicked 
doing.  Also,  as  I  was  musing  on  this  his  pro- 
gress, that  dropped  on  my  spirit :  '•  He  was  or- 
dained for  the  slaughter."* 

121.  When  I  have  considered  also  the  truth 
of  his  resurrection,  and  have  remembered  that 
word,  "  Touch  me  not,  Mary,"t  &c.,  I  have 
seen  as  if  he  had  leaped  out  of  tlie  grave's 
mouth,  for  joy  that  he  was  risen  again,  and  had 
got  the  conquest  over  our  dreadful  foes.  I  have 
also,  in  the  spirit,  seen  him  a  man,  on  the  right 
hand  of  God  the  Father  for  me;  and  have  seen 

*  1  Pet.  i.  19,  20.  t  John  xx.  17- 


60  BUNYAN'S 

the  manner  of  his  coming  from  heaven  to 
judge  the  world  with  glory,  and  have  been  con- 
firmed in  these  things  by  these  scriptures  :  Acts 
i.  9,  10.  and  vii.  56.  and  x.  42.  Heb.  vii.  24. 
and  viii.  38.     Rev.  i.  18.     1  Thess.  iv.  17,  18. 

122.  Once  I  was  troubled  to  know  whether 
the  Lord  Jesus  was  man  as  well  as  God,  and 
God  as  well  as  man.  And  truly,  in  those  days, 
let  men  say  what  they  would,  unless  I  had  it 
with  evidence  from  Heaven,  all  was  nothing  to 
me  ;  I  counted  myself  not  set  down  in  any 
truth  of  God.  Well,  I  was  much  troubled 
about  this  point,  and  could  not  tell  how  to  be 
resolved ;  at  last,  that  in  Rev.  v.  6,  came  into 
my  mind  ;  "  And  I  beheld,  and  lo,  in  the  midst 
of  the  throne,  and  of  the  four  beasts,  and  in 
the  midst  of  the  elders  stood  a  lamb." — "In  the 
midst  of  the  throne  (thought  I)  there  is  the  God- 
head ;  in  the  midst  of  the  elders  there  is  his 
manhood  :  but,  oh !  methought  this  did  glister ! 
It  was  a  goodly  touch,  and  gave  me  sweet  satis- 
faction. That  other  scripture*  also  did  help  me 
much  in  this  :  "  To  us  a  Child  is  born,  to  us  a 
Son  is  given :  and  the  government  shall  be 
upon  his  shoulders :  and  his  name  shall  be 
called  WONDERFUL,  COUNSELLOR,  THE 
MIGHTY  GOD,  THE  EVERLASTING 
FATHER,  THE  PRINCE  OF  PEACE,"  &c. 

123.  Also  besides  these  teachings  of  God  in 
his  word,  the  Lord  made  use  of  two  things  to 
confirm  me  in  this  truth  ;  the  one  was  the  errors 
of  the  Quakers,  and  the  other  was  the  guilt  of 

*  Isaiah  ix.  6. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  61 

sill :  for  as  the  Quakers  did  oppose  the  truth,  so 
God  did  the  more  confirm  me  in  it,  hy  leading" 
ine  into  the  scripture  that  did  wonderfully  main- 
tain it. 

124.  The  errors  that  this  people  then  main- 
tained were, 

1.  That  the  Holy  Scriptures  were  not  the 
word  of  God. 

2.  That  every  man  in  the  world  had  the 
Spirit  of  Christ,  grace,  faith,  (fee. 

3.  That  Christ  Jesus,  as  crucified,  and  dying 
sixteen  hundred  years  ago,  did  not  satisfy  Di- 
vine Justice  for  the  sins  of  the  people. 

4.  That  Christ's  flesh  and  blood  was  within 
the  saints. 

5.  That  the  bodies  of  the  good  and  bad  that 
are  buried  in  the  church-yard  shall  not  rise 
again. 

6.  That  the  resurrection  is  past  with  good 
men  already. 

7.  That  that  man  Jesus,  that  was  crucified 
between  two  thieves,  on  mount  Calvary,  in  the 
land  of  Canaan,  by  Judea,  was  not  ascended 
above  the  starry  heavens. 

8.  That  he  should  not,  even  the  same  Jesus 
that  died  by  the  hands  of  the  Jews,  come 
again  at  the  last  day ;  and  as  man,  judge  all 
nations,  (fee. 

125.  Many  more  vile  and  abominable  things 
were  in  those  days  fomented  by  them  ;  by  which 
I  was  driven  to  a  more  narrow  search  of  the 
Scriptures,  and  was,  through  their  light  and  tes- 
timony, not  only  enlightened,  but  greatly  con* 

6 


62  BUNYAN'S 

firmed  and  comforted  in  the  truth.  And,  as  I 
said,  the  guilt  of  sin  did  help  me  much:  for 
still  as  that  would  come  upon  me,  the  blood  of 
Christ  did  take  it  off  again,  and  again,  and  again ; 
and  that  too  sweetly,  according  to  the  Scripture. 

0  friends  !  cry  to  God  to  reveal  Jesus  Christ  unto 
you  ;  there  is  none  teacheth  like  Him. 

126.  It  would  be  too  long  here  to  stay,  to 
tell  you  in  particular,  how  God  did  set  me  down 
in  all  the  things  of  Christ,  and  how  he  did, 
that  he  might  do  so,  lead  me  into  his  words : 
yea,  and  also  how  he  did  open  them  unto  me, 
and  make  them  shine  before  me,  and  cause 
them  to  dwell  with  me,  talk  with  me,  and  com- 
fort me  over  and  over,  both  of  his  own  being, 
and  the  being  of  his  Son,  and  Spirit,  and  word, 
and  gospel. 

127.  Only  this,  as  I  said  before,  I  will  say 
unto  you  again,  that  in  general,  he  was  pleased 
to  take  this  course  with  me  ; — first,  to  suffer  me 
to  be  afflicted  with  temptations  concerning 
them,  and  then  reveal  them  unto  me:  as  some- 
times I  should  he  under  great  guilt  for  shi,  even 
crushed  to  the  ground  therewith ;  and  then  the 
Lord  would  show  me  the  death  of  Christ  :  yea, 
so  besprinkle  my  conscience  with  his  blood,  that 

1  should  find,  and  that  before  I  was  aware,  that 
in  that  conscience,  Avhere  but  just  now  did 
reign  and  rage  the  Law,  even  there  would  rest 
and  abide  the  peace  and  love  of  God,  through 
Christ. 

128.  Now  I  had  an  evidence,  as  I  thought, 
of  my   salvation   from  Heaven,    with    many 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  63 

golden  seals  tliereon,  all  hanging  in  my  sight. 
Now  could  I  remember  this  manifestation,  and 
the  otlier  discovery  of  grace,  with  comfort ;  and 
would  often  long  and  desire  that  the  last  day 
were  come,  that  I  might  be  for  ever  inflamed 
with  the  sight,  and  joy,  and  communion  with 
Him,  whose  head  was  crowned  with  thorns, 
whose  face  was  spit  upon,  and  body  broken, 
and  soul  made  an  offering  for  my  sins.  For 
whereas  before  I  lay  continually  trembling  at 
the  mouth  of  hell ;  now  methought  I  was  got 
so  far  therefrom,  that  when  I  looked  back,  I 
could  scarce  discern  it ;  "  And  oh  !  (thought  I) 
that  I  were  fourscore  years  old  now,  that  I 
might  die  quickly,  that  my  soul  might  be  gone 
to  rest  !" 

129.  But  before  I  had  got  thus  far  out  of 
these  my  temptations,  I  did  greatly  long  to  see 
some  ancient  godly  man's  experience,  who  had 
v/rit  some  hundred  of  years  before  I  was  born  ; 
for  those  who  had  v»'rit  in  our  days,  I  thought 
(but  I  desire  them  now  to  pardon  me)  that  they 
had  writ  only  that  which  others  felt ;  or  else 
had.  through  the  strength  of  their  wits  and 
parts,  studied  to  answer  such  objections  as  they 
perceived  others  were  perplexed  with,  without 
going  down  themselves  into  the  deep.  iWell, 
after  many  such  longings  in  my  mind,  the  God, 
in  whose  hands  are  all  our  days  and  ways,  did 
cast  into  my  hand  (one  day)  a  book  of  Martin 
Luther's ;  it  was  his  Comment  on  the  Gala- 
tians  ;  it  also  was  so  old  that  it  was  ready  to 
fall  piece  from  piece  if  I  did  but  turn  it  over. 


64  BUNYANS 

Now  I  was  pleased  much  that  such  an  old  book 
had  fallen  into  my  hands ;  the  which  when  i 
had  but  a  little  way  perused,  I  found  my  condi- 
tion in  his  experience  so  largely  and  profoundly 
handled,  as  if  his  book  had  been  written  out  of 
my  heart.  This  made  me  marvel  ;  for  thus 
thouglii  I,  •'  This  man  could  not  know  any 
thing  of  the  state  of  Christians  now,  but  must 
needs  write  and  speak  the  experience  of  former 
days." 

130.  Besides,  he  doth  most  gravely  also,  in 
that  book,  debate  of  the  rise  of  these  tempta- 
tions, namely,  blasphemy,  desperation,  and  the 
like ;  showing  that  the  law  of  Moses,  as  well 
as  the  devil,  death,  and  hell,  hath  a  very  great 
hand  therein ;  the  which,  at  first,  was  very 
strange  to  me ;  but  considering  and  watching, 
I  found  it  so  indeed.  But  of  particulars  here  I 
intend  nothing ;  only  this  methinks  I  must  let 
fall  before  all  men,  I  do  prefer  this  book  of 
Martin  Luther  upon  the  Galatians  (excepting 
the  holy  bible)  before  all  the  books  that  ever  I 
have  seen,  as  most  fit  for  a  wounded  conscience. 

131.  And  now  I  found,  as  I  thought,  that  I 
loved  Christ  dearly :  oh  !  methought  my  soul 
cleaved  unto  him,  my  afiections  cleaved  unto 
him ;  I  felt  my  love  to  him  as  hot  as  fire  ;  and 
now,  as  Job  said,  I  thought  I  sliould  die  in  my 
nest  :*  but  I  did  quickly  find  that  my  great 
love  was  but  too  little  ;  and  that  I  who  had,  as 
I  thought,  such  burning  love  to  Jesus  Christ, 
could  let  him  go  again  for  a  very  trifle  : — God 

*  Job  xxix.  18, 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  65 

can  tell  how  to  abase  us,  and  can  hide  pride 
from  man.  Quickly  after  tliis,  my  love  was 
tried  to  purpose. 

132.  For  after  the  Lord  had  in  this  manner 
thus  graciously  delivered  me  from  this  great  and 
sore  temptation,  and  had  set  me  down  so  sweetly 
in  the  faith  of  his  holy  gospel,  and  had  given 
me  such  strong  consolation  and  blessed  evidence 
from  heaven,  touching  my  interest  in  his  love 
through  Christ,  the  tempter  came  upon  me 
again,  and  that  with  a  more  grievous  and 
dreadful  temptation  than  before. 

133.  And  that  was,  "  To  sell  and  part  with 
this  most  blessed  Christ,  to  exchange  him  for 
the  things  of  this  life  for  any  thing."  The 
temptation  lay  upon  me  for  the  space  of  a  year, 
and  did  follow  me  so  continually,  that  I  was 
not  rid  of  it  one  day  in  a  month  ;  no,  not  some- 
times one  hour  in  many  days  together,  unless 
wlien  I  was  asleep. 

134.  And  though  in  my  judgment  I  was  per- 
suaded, that  those  who  were  once  effectually  in 
Christ  (as  I  hoped,  through  his  grace,  I  had 
seen  myself),  I  could  never  lose  him  for  ever 
("  For  the  land  shall  not  be  sold  for  ever,  for 
the  land  is  mine,"*  saith  God),  yet  it  was  a  con- 
tinual vexation  to  me  to  think  that  I  should  have 
so  much  as  one  such  thought  within  me  against 
a  Christ !  a  Jesus  !  that  had  done  for  me  as  he 
had  done,  and  yet  then  I  had  almost  none 
others  but  such  blasphemous  ones. 

135.  But  it  was  neither  my  dislike  of  the 

*  Lev.  XXV.  23. 

6* 


66  BUNYAN'S 

thought,  nor  yet  any  desire  and  endeavour  to 
resist  it,  tiiat  in  the  least  did  shake  or  abate  the 
continuation  or  force  and  strength  thereof;  for 
it  did  always,  in  almost  whatever  I  thought, 
intermix  itself  therewith  in  such  sort,  that  I 
could  neither  eat  my  food,  stoop  for  a  pin,  chop 
a  stick,  nor  cast  mine  eye  to  look  on  this  or  that, 
but  still  the  temptation  would  come :  "  Sell 
Christ  for  this,  or  sell  Christ  for  that ;  sell  him, 
sell  him." 

136.  Sometimes  it  would  run  in  my  thoughts, 
not  so  little  as  a  hundred  times  together,  "  Sell 
him,  sell  him,  sell  him  !"  Against  which,  I  may 
say,  for  whole  hours  together,  I  have  been  forced 
to  stand  as  continually  leaning  and  forcing  my 
spirit  against  it,  lest  haply,  before  I  were  aware, 
some  wicked  thought  might  arise  in  my  heart 
that  might  consent  thereto,  and  sometimes  the 
tempter  would  make  me  believe  I  had  consented 
to  it ;  but  then  I  should  be  as  tortured  upon  a 
rack  for  whole  da3^s  together. 

137.  This  temptation  did  put  me  to  such 
scares,  lest  I  should  at  some  times,  I  say,  con- 
sent thereto,  and  be  overcome  therewith  ;  that 
by  the  very  force  of  my  mind,  in  labouring  to 
gainsay  and  resist  this  wickedness,  my  very 
body  would  be  put  into  action  or  motion  by 
way  of  pushing  or  thrusting  with  my  hands  or 
elbows  ;  still  answering  (as  fast  as  the  destroyer 
said  "  Sell  liim")  '•  I  will  not,  I  will  not,  I  will 
not,  no,  not  for  thousands,  thousands,  thousands 
of  worlds  :"  thus  reckoning,  lest  I  should,  in 
the  midst  of  these  assaults,  set  too  low  d  value 


GRACE  ABOUNDING,  67 

on  him,  even  until  I  scarce  well  knew  where  I 
was  or  how  to  be  composed  again. 

138.  At  these  seasons  he  would  not  let  me 
eat  ray  food  at  quiet ;  but,  forsooth,  when  I  was 
set  at  the  table  at  any  meat,  I  must  go  hence 
to  pray,  I  must  leave  my  food  now,  and  just 
now,  so  counterfeit  holy  also  would  this  devil 
be.  When  I  was  thus  tempted,  I  would  say  in 
myself,  "  Now  I  am  at  meat,  let  me  make  an 
end."  ''  No  (said  he,)  you  must  do  it  now,  or 
you  will  displease  God  and  despise  Christ." 
Wherefore  I  was  much  afflicted  with  these 
things ;  and  because  of  the  sinfulness  of  my 
nature  (imagining  that  these  were  impulses 
from  God.)  I  should  deny  to  do  it,  as  if  I  denied 
God,  and  then  should  I  not  be  as  guilty,  be- 
cause 1  did  not  obey  a  temptation  of  the  devil, 
as  if  I  had  broken  the  law  of  God  indeed. 

139.  But  to  be  brief:  one  morning  as  I  did 
lie  in  my  bed,  I  was,  as  at  other  times,  most 
fiercely  assaulted  with  this  temptation,  "  To 
sell  and  part  with  Christ ;"  the  wicked  sugges- 
tion still  running  in  my  mind,  "  Sell  him,  sell 
him,  sell  him,  sell  him,"  as  fast  as  a  man  could 
speak  ;  against  which  also,  in  my  mind,  as  at 
other  times,  I  answered,  "  No,  no,  not  for  thou- 
sands, thousands,  thousands,"  at  least  twenty 
times  together  :  but  at  last,  after  much  striving, 
even  until  I  was  almost  out  of  breath,  I  felt  this 
thouglit.pass  through  my  heart,  "Let  him  go, 
if  he  will  ;"  and  I  thought  also  that  I  felt  my 
heart  freely  consent  thereto.     Oh,  the  diligence 


68  BUNYAN'S 

of  Satan  !     Oh,   the    desperateness   of  man's 
heart ! 

140.  Now  was  the  battle  won,  and  down  fell 
I  as  a  bird  that  is  shot  from  the  top  of  a  tree, 
into  great  guilt  and  fearful  despair.  Thus  get- 
ting out  of  my  bed,  I  went  moping  into  the  field, 
but  God  knows  with  as  heavy  a  heart  as  mortal 
man,  I  think,  could  bear ;  where  for  the  space 
of  two  hours  I  was  like  a  man  bereft  of  life,  and 
as  now  past  all  recovery,  and  bound  over  to 
eternal  punishment. 

141.  And  withal  that  scripture  did  seize  upon 
my  soul : — "  Or  profane  person,  as  Esau,  who 
for  one  morsel  of  meat  sold  his  birthright ;  for 
ye  know  how  that  afterwards  when  he  would 
have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  was  rejected,  for 
he  found  no  place  of  repentance,  though  he 
sought  it  carefully  with  tears.'"* 

142.  Now  was  I  as  one  bound ;  I  felt  myself 
shut  up  unto  the  judgment  to  come  ;  nothing 
now,  for  two  years  together,  would  abide  with 
me  but  damnation  and  an  expectation  of  dam- 
nation :  I  say  nothing  now  would  abide  with 
me  but  this,  save  some  few  moments  for  relief, 
as  in  the  sequel  you  will  see. 

143.  These  words  were  to  my  soul  like  fetters 
of  brass  to  my  legs ;  in  the  continual  sound  of 
which  I  went  for  several  months  together.  But 
about  ten  or  eleven  o'clock  on  that  day,  as  I 
was  walking  under  a  hedge  (full  of  sorrow  and 
guilt,  God  knows)  and  bemoaning  myself  for 
this  hard  hap,  that  such  a  thought  should  arise 

*  Heb.  xii.  16.  IT. 


GRACE  ABOUNDIXG.  69  ^' 

within  me  ;  suddenly  this  sentence  rushed  in 
upon  nie,  "The  blood  of  Christ  remits  all  guilt." 
At  this  I  made  a  stand  in  ixiy  spirit ;  with  that 
this  word  took  hold  upon  me,  "  The  blood  of 
Jesus  Christ  hi^  own  Son  cleanseth  us  from  all 
sin."* 

144.  Now  I  began  to  conceive  peace  in  my 
soul,  and  methought  I  saw  as  if  the  tempter  did 
leer  and  steal  away  from  me,  as  being  ashamed 
of  what  he  had  done.  At  the  same  time  also 
I  had  my  sin  and  the  blood  of  Christ  thus  repre- 
sented to  me — That  my  sin,  when  compared  to 
the  blood  of  Christ,  was  no  more  to  it,  than  this 
little  clod  or  stone  before  me  is  to  this  vast  and 
wide  field  that  here  I  see. — This  gave  me  good 
encoura,gement  for  the  space  of  two  or  three 
hours,  in  which  time  also  methought  I  saw,  by 
faith,  the  Son  of  God  as  suffering  for  my  sins : — 
but  because  it  tarried  not,  I  therefore  sunk  in 
my  spirit  under  exceeding  guilt  again. 

145.  But  chiefly  by  the  aforementioned  scrip- 
ture concerning  Esau's  selUng  of  his  biithright ; 
for  that  scripture  would  lie  all  day  long  in  my 
mind,  and  hold  me  down,  so  that  I  could  by  no 
means  lift  up  myself;  for  when  I  would  strive 
to  turn  to  this  scripture  or  that  for  relief,  still 
that  sentence  would  be  sounding  in  me — "  For 
ye  know  how  that  afterwards,  when  he  would 
have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  found  no  place 
of  repentance,  though  he  sought  it  carefully 
with  tears.'' 

146.  Sometimes,   indeed,  I  should   have   a 

*  1  John  17.  \ 


70  BUNYAN'S 

touch  from  that  in  Luke,*  "  I  have  prayed  for 
thee,  that  thy  faith  fail  not ;  but  it  would  not 
abide  upon  me,  neither  could  I,  indeed,  when  I 
considered  my  state,  find  ground  to  conceive  in 
the  least  that  there  should  be  the  root  of  that 
grace  in  me,  having  sinned  as  I  had  done.  Now 
was  I  tore  and  rent  in  a  heavy  case  for  many 
days  together. 

147.  Then  began  I,  with  sad  and  careful 
heart,  to  consider  of  the  nature  and  largeness 
of  my  sin,  and  to  search  into  the  word  of  God, 
if  I  could  in  any  place  espy  a  word  of  promise, 
or  any  encouraging  sentence  by  which  I  might 
take  relief  Wherefore  I  began  to  consider  that 
of  Mark,t  "All  manner  of  sins  and  blasphemies 
shall  be  forgiven  unto  the  sons  of  men  where- 
with soever  they  shall  blaspheme.''  Which 
place,  methought,  at  a  blush,  did  contain  a 
large  and  glorious  promise  for  the  pardon  of 
high  offences  :  but,  considering  the  place  more 
fully,  I  thought  it  was  rather  to  be  imderstood 
as  relating  more  chiefly  to  those  who  had,  while 
in  a  natural  estate,  committed  such  things  as 
there  are  mentioned ;  but  not  to  me,  who  had 
not  only  received  light  and  mercy,  but  that  had 
both  after,  and  also  contrary  to  that,  so  shghted 
Christ  as  I  had  done. 

148.  I  feared,  therefore,  that  this  wicked  sin 
of  mine  might  be  that  sin  unpardonable,  of 
which  he  there  thus  speaketh  -.1  "But  he  that 
shall  blaspheme  against  the  Holy  Ghost  hath 

*  Chap.  xxii.  ver.  32.  t  Chap.  iii.  ver.  28. 

;  Verse  29. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  7.1 

never  forgiveness,  but  is  in  danger  of  eternal 
damnation."  And  I  did  the  rather  give  credit 
to  this,  because  of  that  sentence  in  the  Hebrews : 
••For  you  know  how  that  afterwards,  when  he 
would  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he  was  re- 
jected ;  for  he  found  no  place  of  repentance, 
though  he  sought  it  carefully  with  tears."  And 
this  stuck  always  with  me. 

149.  And  now  was  I  both  a  burden  and  a 
terror  to  myself ;  nor  did  I  ever  so  know,  as  now, 
what  it  was  to  be  weary  of  my  life,  and  yet 
afraid  to  die.  Oh !  how  gladly  now  would  I 
have  been  any  body  but  myself !  any  thing  but 
a  man  !  and  in  any  condition  but  my  own  !  for 
there  was  nothing  did  pass  more  frequently  over 
my  mind  than  that  it  was  impossible  for  me  to 
be  forgiven  my  transgression,  and  to  be  saved 
from  the  w^rath  to  come. 

150.  And  now  I  began  to  labour  to  call  again 
time  that  was  past,  wishing  a  thousand  times 
twice  told  that  the  day  was  yet  to  come  when 
I  should  be  tempted  to  such  a  sin,  concluding 
with  great  indignation,  both  against  my  heart 
and  all  assaults,  how  I  would  rather  be  torn  in 
pieces  than  be  found  a  consenter  thereto.  But 
alas  !  these  thoughts  and  wishings,  and  resolv- 
ings,  were  now  too  late  to  help  me :  this  thougnt 
had  passed  Vny  heart,  "  God  hath  let  me  go, 
and  I  am  fallen."  '•  Oh !  (thought  I)  that  it 
was  with  me  as  in  months  past,  as  in  the  days 
when  God  preserved  me  !"* 

151.  Then  again,  being  loath  and  unwilhng 

*  Job  xxix,  2. 


72  BUNYANS 

to  perish,  I  began  to  compare  my  sin  with 
others,  to  see  if  I  could  find  that  any  of  those 
that  were  saved  had  done  as  I  had  done.  So  I 
considered  David's  adultery  and  murder,  and 
found  them  most  heinous  crimes,  and  those  too 
committed  after  light  and  grace  received ;  but 
yet  by  considering  that  his  transgressions  were 
only  such  as  were  against  the  law  of  Moses. 
from  which  the  Lord  Christ  could,  with  the 
consent  of  his  v/ord,  deliver  him  :  but  mine  was 
against  gospel,  yea,  against  the  mediator  thereof: 
I  had  sold  my  Saviour. 

152.  Now  again  should  I  be  as  if  racked 
upon  the  wheel,  when  I  considered  that,  besides 
the  guilt  that  possessed  me,  I  should  be  so  void 
of  grace,  so  bewitched  !  "  What !  (thought  I) 
must  it  be  no  sin  but  this  ?  Must  it  needs  be 
the  great  transgression  ?*  Must  that  wicked 
one  touch  my  soul  ?"t  Oh  !  what  sting  did  I 
find  in  all  these  sentences  ! 

1.153.  "What!  (thought  I)  is  there  but  one 
sin  that  is  unpardonable  ?  but  one  sin  that  lay- 
eth  the  soul  without  the  reach  of  God's  mercy  ? 
and  must  I  be  guilty  of  that  ?  must  it  needs  be 
that  ?  Is  there  but  one  sin  among  so  many 
millions  of  sins,  for  which  there  is  no  forgive- 
ness ;  and  must  I  commit  this  ?  Oh  !  unhappy 
man  !"  These  things  would  so  break  and  con- 
found my  spirit,  that  I  could  not  tell  what  to  do ; 
I  thought  at  times  they  would  have  broke  my 
wits ;  and  still,  to  aggravate  my  misery,  that 
would  run  in  my  mind.  '•  You  know  how,  that 
♦  Psalm  xix.  13,  t  1  John  v.  18. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  73 

afterwards,  when  be  would  have  inherited  the 
blessing,  he  was  rejected."  Oh  !  no  one  knows 
the  terrors  of  tliose  days  but  myself. 

154.  After  this  I  began  to  consider  of  Peter's 
sin,  which  he  committed  in  denying  his  Master: 
and  indeed,  this  came  nighest  to  mine  of  any 
that  I  could  find  ;  for  he  had  denied  his  Sa- 
viour, as  I,  after  light  and  mercy  received  ;  yea, 
and  that  too  after  warning  given  him.  I  also 
considered  that  he  did  it  once  and  twice,  and 
that  after  time  to  consider  betwixt. — But  though 
I  put  all  these  circumstances  together,  that,  if 
possible,  I  might  find  help ;  yet  I  considered 
again,  that  his  was  but  a  denial  of  his  Master, 
but  mine  was  a  selling  of  my  Saviom-.  Where- 
fore I  thought  with  myself  that  I  came  nearer 
to  Judas  than  either  to  David  or  Peter. 

1.55.  Here,  again,  my  torment  would  flame 
out  and  afi^ict  me,  yea,  it  would  grind  me  as  it 
w^ere  to  powder,  to  consider  the  preservation  of 
God  towards  others  while  I  fell  into  the  snare ; 
for,  in  my  thus  considering  of  other  men's  sins, 
and  comparing  of  them  with  mine  own,  I  could 
evidently  see  God  preserved  them,  notwithstand- 
ing their  wickedness,  and  w^ould  not  let  them, 
as  he  had  let  me,  become  a  son  of  perdition. 

156.  But  oh  !  how  did  my  soul  at  this  time 
prize  the  preservation  that  God  did  set  about  his 
people  !  Ah,  how  safely  did  I  see  them  walk 
whom  God  had  hedged  in  !  They  were  within 
Ids  care,  protection,  and  special  providence, 
though  they  were  full  as  bad  as  I  by  nature ; 
yet,  "because  God  loved  them,  he  would  not 
7 


74  BUNYAN'S 

suffer  them  to  fall  without  the  range  of  mercy ; 
hut  as  for  me,  I  was  gone,  I  had  done  it  ]  he 
would  not  preserve  me,  nor  keep  me,  but  suf- 
fered me,  because  I  was  a  reprobate,  to  fall  as 
i  had  done.  Now  did  tliose  blessed  places 
that  spefak  of  God's  keeping  his  people  shine 
like  the  sun  before  me  ;  though  not  to  comfort 
me,  yet  to  show  me  the  blessed  state  and  herit 
age  of  those  whom  the  Lord  had  blessed. 

157.  Nov/  I  saw  tliat  as  God  had  his  hand 
in  all  the  providences  and  dispensations  that 
overtook  his  elect,  so  he  had  his  hand  in  all  the 
temptations  that  they  had  to  sin  against  him  ; 
not  to  animate  them  to  wickedness,  but  to 
choose  their  temptations  and  troubles  for  them, 
and  also  to  leave  them  for  a  time  to  such  things 
only  that  might  not  destro}^,  but  Inunble  them, 
as  might  not  put  them  beyond,  but  lay  them  in 
the  way  of  the  renewing  his  mercy.  But  oh  ! 
what  love,  what  care,  what  kindness  and  mercy 
did  I  now  see  mixing  itself  with  the  most  se- 
vere and  dreadful  of  all  God's  ways  to  his 
people  !  He  would  let  David,  Hezekiah,  Solo- 
mon, Peter,  and  others,  fall :  but  he  would  not 
let  them  fall  into  the  sin  unpardonable,  nor  into 
hell  for  sin.  O  !  (thought  I)  these  be  the  men 
that  God  had  loved  ;  these  be  the  men  that 
God,  though  he  chastiseth  them,  keeps  them  in 
safety  by  him  ;  and  them  whom  he  makes  to 
abide  under  the  shadow  of  the  Almighty."  But 
all  these  thoughts  added  sorrow,  grief,  and 
horror  to  me ;  as  whatever  I  now  thought  on, 
it  was  killing  to  me.     If  I  thought  how  God 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  75 

ke])t  his  own,  that  was  kiUing  to  me  ;  if  I 
thought  of  how  I  was  fallen  myself,  that  was 
killing  to  me.  As  all  thuigs  wrought  together 
for  the  best,  and  to  do  good  to  them  that  were 
the  called,  according  to  God's  purpose;  so  I 
thought  that  all  things  wrought  for  damage, 
and  for  my  eternal  overthrow. 

158.  Then,  again,  I  began  to  compare  my 
sin  with  the  sin  of  Judas,  that,  if  possible,  I 
mis-ht  find  if  mine  diffei-ed  from  that,  which  in 
truth  is  unpardonable:  and  "Oh!  (thought  I)  if 
it  should  ditfer  from  it,  though  but  the  breadth  of  a 
hair,  what  a  happy  condition  is  my  soul  in  !"' 
And  by  considering,  I  found  that  Judas  did  this 
intentionally,  but  mine  was  against  prayer  and 
strivings;  be:"....-!,  his  was  commitred  with 
much  deliberation,  but  mine  in  a  fearful  hurry, 
on  a  sudden.  All  this  while  I  was  tossed  to 
and  fro  like  the  locust,  and  driven  from  trouble 
to  sorrow,  hearing  always  the  sound  of  Esau's 
fall  in  mine  ears,  and  the  dreadful  consequences 
thereof. 

159.  Yet  this  consideration  about  Judas's  sin 
was,  for  a  while,  some  httle  relief  to  me ;  for  I 
saw  I  had  not,  as  to  the  circumstances,  trans- 
gressed so  fully  as  he.  But  this  was  quickly 
gone  again,  for  I  thought  with  myself  there 
might  be  more  ways  than  one  to  conunit  this 
unpardonable  sin ;  also  I  thought  there  might 
be  degrees  of  that,  as  well  as  of  other  trans- 
gressions ;  wherefore,  for  aught  I  yet  could  per- 
ceive, this  iniquity  of  mine  might  be  such  as 
might  never  be  passed  by. 


76  BUNYAN'S 

160.  I  was  often  now  ashamed  that  I  should 
be  Hke  such  an  ugly  man  as  Judas :  I  thought 
also  how  loathsome  I  should  be  unto  all  the 
saints  in  the  day  of  judgment ;  insomuch  that 
now  I  could  scarce  see  a  good  man,  that  I  be- 
lieved had  a  good  conscience,  but  I  should  feel 
my  heart  tremble  at  him  while  I  was  in  his 
presence.  Oh  !  now  I  saw  a  glor}^  in  walking 
with  God,  and  what  a  mercy  it  was  to  have  a 
good  conscience  before  him. 

161.  I  was,  much  about  that  time,  tempted 
to  content  myself  by  receiving  some  false  opin- 
ions ;  as,  that  there  should  be  no  such  thing  as 
a  day  of  judgment ;  that  we  should  not  rise 
again ;  and  that  sin  was  no  such  grievous 
thing :  the  tempter  suggesting  thus,  "  For  if 
these  things  should  indeed  be  true,  yet  to  believe 
otherwise  would  yield  you  ease  for  the  present. 
If  you  must  perish,  never  torment  yourself  so 
much  beforehand  :  drive  the  thoughts  of  damn- 
ing out  of  your  miud,  by  possessing  your  mind 
with  some  such  conclusions  that  atheists  and 
ranters  use  to  help  themselves  withal." 

162.  But,  oh  !  when  such  thoughts  have  led 
through  my  heart,  how,  as  it  were,  within  a 
step,  hath  death  and  judgment  been  in  my 
view  !  Methought  the  Judge  stood  at  the  door : 
I  was  as  if  it  was  come  already,  so  that  such 
things  could  have  no  entertainment.  But  me- 
thinks  I  see  by  this  that  Satan  will  use  any 
means  to  keep  the  soul  from  Christ ;  he  loveth 
not   an   awakened   frame   of   spirit;   security. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  77 

blindness,  and  error,  is  the  very  kingdom  and 
habitation  of  the  wicked  one. 

163.  I  found  it  a  hard  work  now  to  pray  to 
God,  because  despair  was  swallowing  me  up ;  I 
thought  I  waS;  as  with  a  tempest,  driven  away 
from  God ;  for  always  when  I  cried  to  God  for 
mercy,  this  would  come  in,  "  'Tis  too  late  ;  I 
am  lost ;  God  iiath  let  me  fall, — not  to  my  cor- 
rection, but  my  condemnation :  my  sin  is  un- 
pardonable ;  and  I  know,  concerning  Esau, 
how  that,  after  he  had  sold  his  birthright,  he 
would  have  received  the  blessing,  but  was  re- 
jected." About  this  time  I  did  light  on  that 
dreadful  story  of  that  miserable  mortal,  Francis 
Spira  ;  a  book  that  was  to  my  troubled  spirit 
as  salt  when  rubbed  into  a  fresh  wound  :  every 
sentence  in  that  book,  every  groan  of  that  man, 
with  all  the  rest  of  his  actions  in  his  dolours,  as 
his  tears,  his  prayers,  his  gnashing  of  teeth,  his 
wringing  of  hands,  his  twisting,  and  languish- 
ing, and  pining  away  under  that  mighty  hand 
of  God  that  was  upon  him,  were  as  knives  and 
daggers  in  my  soul ;  especially  that  sentence  of 
his  was  frightful  to  me,  "  oMan  knows  the  be- 
ginning of  sin,  but  who  bounds  the  issues 
thereof?"  Then  would  the  former  sentence,  as 
the  conclusion  of  all,  fall  like  a  hot  thunderbolt 
again  upon  my  conscience,  "  For  you  know 
how  that  afterwards,  when  he  would  have  in- 
herited the  blessing,  he  was  rejected  ;  for  he 
found  no  place  of  repentance,  though  he  sought 
it  carcfuUy  with  tears." 

164.  Then  would  I  be  struck  into  a  very 

7* 


78  BUNY.4?^'S 

great  trembling,  insomuch  that  at  sometimes  I 
could,  for  whole  days  together,  feel  my  very 
bod}^,  as  well  as  my  mind,  to  shake  and  totter 
under  the  sense  of  this  dreadful  judgment  of 
God,  that  would  fall  on  those  that  have  sinned 
that  most  fearful  and  unpardonable  sin.  I  felt 
also  such  a  clogging  and  heat  at  my  stomach 
by  reason  of  this  my  terror,  that  I  was,  especially 
at  some  times,  as  if  my  breast-bone  would  split 
asunder :  then  I  thought  concerning  that  of 
Judas,  who,  '•  by  his  falling  headlong,  burst 
asunder,  and  all  his  bowels  gushed  out."* 

165.  I  feared  also  that  this  was  the  mark  that 
God  did  set  on  Cain, — even  continual  fear  and 
trembling,  under  the  heavy  load  of  gu  iit  that  he 
had  charged  on  him  for  the  blood  of  his  brother 
Abel.  Thus  did  I  wind,  and  twine,  and  shrink 
under  the  burthen  that  was  upon  me  ;  which 
burthen  did  also  so  oppress  me,  that  I  could 
neither  stand,  nor  go,  nor  lie  either  at  rest  or 
quiet. 

166.  Yet  that  saying  w^ould  sometimes  come 
into  my  mind,  "  He  hath  received  gifts  for  tlie 
rebeUious."t  "  The  rebellious  !  (thought  I.) 
Why  surely  they  are  such  as  once  were  under 
subjection  to  their  prince  ;  even  those  who,  after 
they  have  once  sworn  subjection  to  his  govern- 
ment, have  taken  up  arms  against  him  ;  and 
this  (thought  I)  is  my  very  condition  :  I  once 
loved  him,  feared  him,  served  him  ;  but  now  I 
am  a  rebel ;  I  have  sold  him ;  I  have  said.  Let 

*  Acts  i.  18.  t  Psalm  Ixviii.  8. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  79 

him  go  if  he  will :  but  yet  he  has  gifts  for  rebels ; 
and  then  why  not  for  me  ?'' 

167.  This  sometimes  I  thought  on,  and 
would  labour  to  take  hold  thereof,  that  some, 
though  small,  refreshment,  might  have  been 
conceived  by  me :  but  in  this  also  I  missed  of 
my  desire ;  I  was  driven  with  force  beyond  it  ; 
I  was  like  a  man  going  to  execution,  even  by 
that  place  where  he  would  fain  creep  in  and 
hide  himself,  but  may  not. 

1G8.  Ao-ain,  after  I  had  thus  considered  the 
sins  of  the  saints  in  particular,  and  found  mine 
went  beyond  them,  then  I  began  to  think  with 
myself,  Set  the  case  I  should  put  all  theirs  to- 
crether,  and  mine  alone  against  them  ;  might  I 
not  then  find  encouragement?  for  if  mine, 
thou2:h  bi<i:ger  than  any  one,  should  yet  be  but 
equal  to  all,  then  there"'is  hopes  ;  for  that  blood 
that  liath  virtue  enough  in  it  to  wash  away  all  J.  \  ^ 
-Hheirs,  hath  virtue  enough  in  it  to  wash  away  /  \ 
mine,  though  this  one  be  full  as  big,  if  not  j^ 
bi2:ger  than  all  theirs.  Here  again  I  would  con- 
sidei-  the  sin  of  David,  of  Solomon,  of  Manas- 
seh,  of  Peter,  and  the  rest  of  the  great  oireiid- 
ers  ;  ajid  would  also  labour,  what  I  might  with 
fairness,  to  aggravate  and  heighten  their  sins 
by  several  circumstances. 

109.  I  would  think  with  myself,  that  David 
shed  l)lood  to  cover  bis  adultery,  and  that  by 
the  sword  of  the  children  of  Amnion  ;  a  work 
that  could  not  be  done  but  by  contrivance, 
which  was  a  great  asrgravation  to  his  sin.  But 
then  this  would  turn\ipon  me,  "  Ah  !  but  these 


80  BUNYAN'S 

were  but  sins  against  the  law,  from  whicli  there 
was  a  Jesus  sent  to  save  them  ;  but  yours  is  a 
sin  ag-ainst  the  Saviour,  and  who  shall  save  you 
fromlhat?"     x 

170.  Then  1  thought  on  Solomon,  and  how 
he  sinned  in  loving  strange  women,  in  falling 
away  to  tlieir  idols,  in  building  them  temples, 
in  doing  this  after  light,  in  his  old  age,  after 
great  mercy  received  ;  but  the  same  conclusion 
that  cut  me  oif  in  the  former  consideration,  cut 
me  off  as  to  this,  namely,  that  all  those  were 
but  sins  against  the  law,  for  which  God  had 
provided  a  remedy  ;  but  I  had  sold  my  Sa- 
viour, and  there  remained  no  more  sacrifice  for 
sin 

171.  I  would  then  add  to  these  men's  sins 
the  sins  of  Manasseh  ;  how  that  he  built  altars 
for  idols  in  the  house  of  the  Lord  ;  he  also  ob- 
served times,  used  enchantments,  had  to  do  w4th 
wizards,  was  a  wizard,  had  his  familiar  spirits, 
burned  his  children  in  the  fire  in  sacrifice  to 
devils,  and  made  the  streets  of  Jerusalem  run 
down  with  the  blood  of  innocents.  "  These 
(thought  I)  are  great  sins,  sins  of  a  bloody 
colour  ;"  but  yet  it  would  turn  again  upon  me, 
"  They  are  none  of  them  of  the  nature  of  yours ; 
you  have  parted  with  Jesus,  you  have  sold  your 
Saviour." 

172.  This  one  consideration  would  always 
kill  my  heart ;  my  sin  was  point  l^lank  against 
my  Saviour  ;  and  that  too  at  that  height,  that 
1  had  in  my  heart  said  of  him,  "  Let  him  go  if 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  81 

he  will."  Oh  !  melhought  this  sin  was  bigger 
than  the  sins  of  a  country,  of  a  kingdom,  or  of 
the  whole  world,  no  one  pardonable,  nor  all  of 
them  together  was  able  to  equal  mine  ;  mine 
outwent  them  every  one. 

173.  Now  I  should  find  my  mind  to  flee  from 
God,  as  from  the  face  of  a  dreadful  judge ;  yet 
this  was  my  torment,  I  could  not  escape  his 
hand :  ('•  It  is  a  fearful  thing  to  fall  into  the 
hands  of  the  living  God.")*  But,  blessed  be  his 
grace,  that  scripture,  in  these  flying  fits,  would 
call,  as  running  after  me,  "  I  have  blotted  out, 
as  a  thick  cloud,  thy  transgressions,  and  as  a 
cloud,  thy  sins :  return  unto  me,  for  I  have  re- 
deemed thee."t  This,  I  say,  would  come  in 
upon  my  mind,  when  I  was  fleeing  from  the 
face  of  God,  for  I  did  flee  from  his  face  ;  that  is, 
my  mind  and  spirit  fled  before  him,  by  reason 
of  his  highness,  I  could  not  endure  :  then  would 
the  text  cry,  "  Return  unto  me  ;"  it  would  cry 
aloud  with  a  very  great  voice,  '•  Return  unto 
me,  for  I  have  redeemed  thee."  Indeed,  this 
would  make  me  make  a  little  stop,  and,  as  it 
were,  look  over  my  shoulder  behind  me,  to  see 
if  I  could  discern  that  the  God  of  grace  did  fol- 
low me  with  a  pardon  in  his  hand  :  but  I  could 
no  sooner  do  that,  but  all  would  be  clouded  and 
darkened  again  by  that  sentence,  "  For  you 
know  how  that  afterwards,  when  he  Vv'ould  have 
inherited  the  blessing,  he  found  no  place  of  re- 
pentance, though  he  sought  it  carefully  with- 
tears."  Wherefore  I  could  not  refrain,  but  fled, 
♦  Hcb.  X.  1.  +  Isaiah  xliv.  2-2. 


'82  BUNYAN'S 

though  at  sometimes  it  cried,  "  Return,  return/' 
as  it  did  halloo  after  me  ;  but  I  feared  to  close 
in  therewith,  lest  it  should  not  come  from  God ; 
for  that  other,  as  I  said,  was  still  sounding  in 
my  conscience,  "  For  you  know  that  afterwards, 
when  he  would  have  inherited  the  blessing,  he 
w^as  rejected,"  and  so  forth. 

174.  Once  as  I  was  walking  to  and  fro  in  a 
good  man's  shop,  bemoaning  of  myself  in  my 
sad  and  doleful  state,  afflicting  myself  with  self- 
abhorrence  for  this  wicked  and  ungodly  thought ; 
lamenting  also  this  hard  hap  of  mine  that  I 
should  commit  so  great  a  sin,  greatly  fearing 
that  I  should  not  be  pardoned  ;  praying  also  in 
my  heart,  that  if  this  sin  of  mine  did  differ  from 
that  against  the  Holy  Ghost,  the  Lord  would 
show  it  me  ;  and  being  now  ready  to  sink  with 
fear,  suddenly  there  was,  as  if  there  had  rushed 
in  at  the  window,  the  noise  of  wind  upon  me, 
but  very  pleasant,  and  as  if  I  heard  a  voice 
speaking,  "  Didst  thou  ever  refuse  to  be  justified 
by  the  blood  of  Christ  ?"  and  withal,  my  whole 
life  of  profession  past  v;as  in  a  moment  opened 
to  me,  w^herein  I  was  made  to  see  that  design- 
edly I  had  not :  so  my  lieart  answered  groan- 
>ngly,  "  No."  Then  fell,  wdth  powder,  that  word 
of  God  upon  me,  "  See  that  ye  refuse  not  Him 
that  speaketh."*  This  made  a  strange  seizure 
upon  my  spirit ;  it  brought  hght  with  it,  and 
commanded  a  silence  in  my  heart  of  all  those 
tumultuous  thoughts  that  did  before  use,  like 
masterless  hell-hounds,  to  roar  and  bellow,  and 

*  Heb.  xii.  25, 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  83 

make  a  hideous  noise  within  me.  It  showed 
ine  also,  that  Jesus  Christ  had  3^et  a  word  of 
grace  and  mercy  for  me  ;  that  he  had  not,  as  T 
had  feared,  quite  forsaken  and  cast  off  my  soul : 
yea,  this  was  a  kind  of  check  for  my  proneness 
to  desperation,  a  kind  of  threatening-  of  me,  if 
I  did  not,  notwithstanding  my  sins,  and  the 
heinousness  of  them,  venture  ni}'  salvation  upon 
the  Son  of  God.  But  as  to  m}^  determining 
ahout  this  strange  dispensation,  what  it  was,  I 
know  not ;  or  from  wlience  it  came,  I  know 
not :  I  have  not  yet  in  twenty  years  time  heen 
able  to  make  a  judgment  of  it ;  "I  thought 
then  what  here  I  should  be  loath  to  speak." 
But  verily  that  sudden  rushing  wnnd  was  as  if 
an  angel  had  come  upon  me  ;  but  both  it  and 
the  salvation  I  will  leave  until  the  day  of  judg- 
ment ;  only  thiis  I  say,  it  commanded  a  great 
calm  in  my  soul ;  it  persuaded  me  there  might 
be  hope  ;  it  showed  me,  as  I  thought,  what  the 
sin  unpardonable  was,  and  that  my  soul  had 
yet  the  blessed  privilege  to  flee  to  Jesus  Christ 
for  mercy.  But  I  say,  concerning  this  dispen- 
sation, 1  know  not  wdiat  to  say  unto  it  yet ; 
which  was  also,  in  truth,  tlie  cause  tliat  at  first 
I  did  not  speak  of  it  in  the  book  ;  I  do  now 
also  leave  it  to  be  thought  on  by  men  of  sound 
judgment.  I  lay  not  the  stress  of  my  salvation 
thereupon,  but  upon  the  Lord  Jesus  in  the  pro- 
mise ;  yet  seeing  I  am  here  unfolding  of  my 
secret  things,  I  thought  it  might  not  be  alto- 
gether inexpedient  to  let  this  also  show  itself, 
thouofh  I  cannot  now  relate  the  matter  as  there 


84  BUNYAN'S 

I  did  experience  it.  This  lasted,  in  the  favour 
of  it,  for  about  three  or  four  days,  and  then  1 
began  to  mistrust  and  to  despair  again. 

175.  Wherefore  still  my  life  hung  in  doubt 
before  me,  and  knowing  which  way  1  should 
go  ;  only  this  I  found  my  soul  desire,  even  to 
cast  itself  at  the  foot  of  grace,  by  prayer  and 
supplication.  But  oh  !  'twas  hard  for  me  noAv 
to  have  the  face  to  pray  to  this  Christ  for  mercy, 
against  whom  I  had  thus  vilely  sinned  :  'twas 
hard  work,  I  say,  to  oiler  to  look  him  in  the 
face,  against  whom  I  had  so  vilely  sinned  ;  and 
indeed  I  have  found  it  as  difficult  to  come  to 
God  by  prayer,  after  backsliding  froin  him,  as 
to  do  any  other  thing.  Oh  !  the  sbame  that 
did  now  attend  me  !  especially  when  I  thought 
"  I  am  now  a-going  to  pray  to  him  for  mercy, 
that  I  had  so  lightly  esteemed  but  a  while  be- 
fore !"  I  was  ashamed,  yea,  even  confounded  ; 
because  this  villany  had  been  committed  by  me. 
But  I  saw  that  there  was  but  one  way  with  me  ; 
I  must  go  to  him,  and  humble  myself  unto  him, 
and  beg  that  he,  of  his  wonderful  mercy,  would 
show  pity  to  me,  and  have  mere}'  upon  my 
wretched  sinful  soul. 

176.  Vy'hich  when  the  tempter  perceived,  he 
strongly  suggested  to  me,  "  Tbat  I  ought  not 
to  pray  to  God,  for  prayer  was  not  for  any  in 
my  case,  neitlier  could  it  do  me  good,  because 
I  had  rejected  the  Mediator,  ])y  whom  all  prayers 
came  with  acceptance  to  God  tlie  Father  ;  and 
without  whom  no  prayer  could  come  into  his 
presence :  wherefore  now  to  pray  is  but  to  add 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  85 

sin  to  sill ;  3^ea)  now  to  pray,  seeing  God  has 
cast  you  off,  is  the  next  way  to  anger  and  offend 
him  more  than  you  ever  did  before. 

177.  ''  For  God  (saith  he)  hatli  been  weary 
of  you  for  these  several  years  ah-eady,  because 
you  are  none  of  his  ;  your  bawling  in  his  ears 
hath  been  no  pleasant  voice  to  him,  and  there- 
fore he  let  you  sin  in  this  sin,  that  you  might 
be  quite  cut  off ;  and  will  you  pray  still  ?" 
This  the  devil  urged  and  set  forth,  that  in 
Numbers,  when  Moses  said  to  the  children  of 
Israel, **  "  That  because  they  would  not  go  up 
to  possess  the  land  when  God  v/ould  liave  them, 
tlierefore  for  ever  he  did  bar  them  out  from 
tbence,  though  tliey  prayed  they  might  with 
tears.'' 

178.  As  it  is  said  in  another  place,!  "The 
man  that  sins  presumptuously  shall  be  taken 
from  God's  altar,  that  he  may  die  f  even  as 
Joab  was  by  king  Solomon, t  when  he  thought 
to  find  shelter  there.  These  places  did  pinch 
me  very  sore,  yet,  my  case  being  desperate,  I 
thought  with  myself,  "  I  can  but  die  ;  and  if  it 
must  be  so,  it  shall  once  be  said,  that  such  an 
one  died  at  the  foot  of  Christ  in  prayer."  This 
1  did,  but  with  great  difficulty  God  doth  know, 
and  that  because,  together  with  this,  still  that 
saying  about  Esau  would  be  set  at  my  heart 
even  like  a  flaming  sword,  to  keep  the  way  of 
the  tree  of  life,  lest  I  should  take  thereof  and 

♦  Numb.  xiv.  30)  &c.  t  Exod.  xxi.  14. 

X  1  Kings  ii.  28,  &c. 

8 


88  BUNYAN'S 

live.     Oh  !  who  knows  how  hard  a   thing  I 
found  it  to  come  to  God  in  pra3^er  ! 

179.  I  did  also  desire  the  prayers  of  the  peo- 
ple of  God  for  me.  but  I  feared  tliat  God  would 
give  them  no  heart  to  do  it :  yea.  I  trembled  in 
my  soul  to  think,  that  some  or  other  of  them 
woidd  shortly  tell  me,  that  God  hath  said  those 
words  to  them  that  he  once  did  say  to  the  pro- 
phet concerning  the  children  of  Israel,  '  Pray 
not  for  this  people,  for  I  have  rejected  them.'* 
So,  'Pray  not  for  him,  for  I  have  rejected  him.' 
Yea,  I  thought  that  he  had  whic^^pered  this  to 
some  of  them  already,  only  they  durst  not  tell 
me  so,  neither  durst  I  ask  them  of  it,  for  fear  it 
should  be  so,  it  would  make  me  quite  beside 
myself  '  Man  knows  the  beginning  of  sin  (said 
Spira :)  but  who  bounds  (he  issues  thereof?' 

180.  About  this  time  I  took  an  opportunity 
to  break  my  mind  to  an  ancient  Christian,  and 
told  him  all  my  case ;  I  told  him  also  that  I 
was  afraid  that  I  had  sinned  the  sin  against 
the  Holy  Gho.?t,  and  he  told  me  he  thought  so 
too.  Here,  therefore,  I  had  but  cold  comfort; 
but  talking  a  little  more  vdth  him,  I  found  him, 
though  a  good  man,  a  stranger  to  much  com- 
bat with  tliC  devil.  Wherefore  I  went  to  God 
again,  as  well  as  I  could,  for  mercy  still. 

181.  Now  also  did  the  tempter  begin  to  mock 
me  in  my  misery,  saying,  '  That  seeing  I  had 
thus  parted  with  the  Lord  Jesus,  and  piovoked 
him  to  displeasure,  who  would  have  stood  be- 
tween my  soul  and  the  flame  of  devouring  fire, 

*  Jer.  xi.  14. 


GRACE  ABOUNDIXG.  87 

there  was  now  but  one  way,  and  that  Avas  to 
pray  tliat  God  the  Father  would  be  a  Mediator 
betwixt  his  Son  and  me ;  that  he  would  be  re- 
conciled again,  and  that  I  might  have  tliat 
blessed  benefit  in  him,  tliat  his  saints  enjoyed." 

182.  Then  did  that  scripture*  seize  upon  my 
soul,  '  He  is  of  one  mind,  and  who  can  turn 
him  V  Oh  !  I  saw  it  was  as  easy  to  persuade 
him  to  make  a  new  world,  a  new  covenant,  or 
a  new  bible,  besides  that  we  have  already,  as 
to  pray  for  such  a  thing.  This  was  to  per- 
suade him,  that  what  he  had  done  already  was 
mere  folly,  and  persuade  him  to  alter,  yea,  to 
disannul  the  whole  way  of  salvation.  And 
then  would  that  saying  rend  my  soul  asunder : 
'Neither  is  there  salvation  in  any  other,  for 
there  is  none  other  name  under  heaven  given 
among  men,  whereby  we  must  be  saved.'* 

183^  Now  the  most  free,  and  full,  and  gracious 
words  of  the  gospel  were  the  greatest  torment 
to  me  ;  yea,  nothing  so  afflicted  me  as  the 
thoughts  of  Jesus  Christ,  the  remembrance  of 
a  Saviour,  because  I  had  cast  him  off,  brought 
forth  the  villany  of  my  sin,  and  my  loss  by  it, 
to  mind;  nothing  did  twinge  my  conscience 
like  this:  every  thing  that  I  thought  of  the 
Lord  Jesus,  of  his  grace,  love,  goodness,  kind- 
ness, gentleness,  meekness,  death,  blood,  pro- 
mises, and  blessed  exhortations,  comforts,  and 
consolations,  it  went  to  my  soul  like  a  sword  ; 
for  still  imto  these  my  considerations  for  the 
Lord  Jesus,  these  thoughts  would  make  place 

*  Job.  xxiii.  13.  t  Acts  iv.  13 


88  BUNYAN'S 

for  themselves  in  1113"  heart :  •  Ay,   this  is  the 
Jesus,    the   loving    Saviour,    the    Son  of  God, 
whom  you  have  parted  with,  whom  you  ha\'e 
slighted,    despised,    and    abused.     This  is  the 
only  Saviour,  the  only  Redeemer,  the  only  one 
that   could  so  love   sinners,  as  to  wash  them 
from  their  sins  in  his  own  most  precious  blood  ; 
but  you  have  no  part  nor  lot  in  this  Jesus,  you 
have  put  him  from  you,  you  have  said  in  your 
heart,  let  him   go  if  he  will.     Now  therefore 
you  are  severed  from  him,   you  have  severed 
yourself  from  him :  behold  then  his  goodness, 
but  yourself  to  be  no  partaker  of  it.' — '  Oh  ! 
(thought  I)    what   have   I   lost,  what   have  I 
parted  with  !     What  has  disinherited  my  poor 
soul !    Oh !    it  is  sad   to   be   destroyed   by  the 
grace  and  mercy  of  God ;  to  have  tlie  Lamb, 
the  Saviour,  turn  lion  and  destroyer.'*     I  also 
trembled,  as  I  have  said,  at  the  sight  of  the 
saints  of  God,  especially  at  those  that  greatly 
loved  him,  and  that  made  it  their  business  to 
walk  continually  with  him  in  this  Avorld,  for 
they  did,  both  in  their  words,  their  carriages, 
and  all  their  expressions  of  tender, it ss  and  fear 
to  sin  against  their  precious  Saviour,  condemn, 
lay  guilt  upon,  and  also  add  continual  aiiiiction 
and  shame  unto  my  soul.    '  The  dread  of  them 
wns  upon  me,  and  I  trembled  at  God's   Sam- 
uels."^ 

184.  Now  also  the  tempter  began  afresh  to 
mock   my  soul   another   way,  saying,    •  That 
Christ   indeed    did    pity   my   case,   and    was 
*  Rev.  vi,  16,  IT.  t  1  Sam.  xvi.  4. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  89 

sorry  for  my  loss;  but  forasmuch  as  I  had 
sinned  and  transgressed  as  I  had  done,  he 
could  by  no  means  help  me,  nor  save  me  from 
what  I  feared  ;  for  my  sin  was  not  of  the  na- 
ture of  theirs  for  whom  he  bled  and  died  ;  nei- 
ther was  it  counted  with  those  that  were  laid 
to  his  charge,  when  he  hanged  on  a  tree : 
therefore  unless  he  should  come  down  from 
heaven,  and  die  anew  for  this  sin,  though  in- 
deed he  did  greatly  pity  me,  yet  I  could  have 
no  benelU  of  him."'  These  things  may  seem 
ridiculous  to  others,  even  as  ridiculous  as  they 
were  in  tbemselves  ;  but  to  me  they  were  most 
tormenting  cogitations :  every  one  of  them  aug- 
mented my  misery,  that  Jesus  Clirist  should 
have  so  much  love  as  to  pity  me,  when  yet  he 
could  not  lielp  me  too  :  nor  did  I  think  that  the 
reason  why  lie  could  not  help  me  was,  because 
his  merits  were  weak,  or  his  grace  and  salva- 
tion spent  on  others  already  ;  but  because  his 
faithfulness  to  his  threatenings  would  not  let 
him  extend  his  mercy  to  me.  Besides,  I 
thought,  as  I  have  already  hinted,  that  my  sin 
was  not  within  the  bounds  of  that  pardon  that 
was  wrapped  up  in  a  promise  ;  and  if  not,  tlien 
I  knew  surely,  that  it  was  more  easy  for  h.ea- 
ven  and  earth  to  pass  away,  than  for  me  to 
have  eternal  life.  So  that  the  ground  of  all 
these  fears  of  mine  did  arise  from  a  steadfast 
belief  I  had  of  the  stability  of  the  lioly  word 
of  God,  and  also  from  my  being  misinformed 
of  the  nature  of  my  sin. 

185.    But   oh  !  how  this   would  add  to  my 
S* 


^90  BUNYAN'S 

affliction,  to  conceit  tliat  I  should  be  guilty  of 
such  a  sin,  for  which  he  did  not  die  !  These 
thoughts  did  so  confound  me,  and  inipiisoa  me, 
and  tie  me  up  from  faith  that  I  knew  not  wliat 
to  do.  "  But  oh  !  (thought  I)  that  he  would 
come  down  again !  oh !  that  the  work  of  man's 
redemption  was  yet  to  be  done  by  Christ !  how 
would  I  pray  him  and  entreat  him  to  count 
and  reckon  this  sin  among  the  rest  for  v/hich 
he  died  !  But  this  scripture  woidd  strike  me 
down  as  dead:  'Christ  being  raised  from  the 
dead,  dieth  no  more;  death  hath  no  more  do- 
minion over  him.'* 

18(3.  Thus,  by  the  strange  and  uiuisual  as- 
saults of  the  tempter,  my  soul  was  like  a  bro- 
ken vessel,  driven  as  with  the  winds,  and  tossed 
sometimes  headlong  into  despair :  sometimes 
upon  the  covenant  of  works,  and  somctinies  to 
wish  that  the  new  covenant,  and  the  conditions 
thereof,  might  so  far  forth,  as  I  thought  myself 
concerned,  Ije  turned  another  way,  and  chang- 
ed :  "but  in  all  these,  I  was  as  those  that  jostle 
againfet  the  rocks,  more  broken,  scattered  and 
rent."  O  !  the  unthought-of  imaginations,  frights, 
fears,  and  terrors,  that  are  effected  by  a  tho- 
rough application  of  guilt  yielding  to  despera- 
tion !  'Hiis  is  the  man  that  hath  his  dweihng 
among  the  tombs  with  the  dead  ;  that  is  al- 
ways crying  out,  and  cutting  himself  with 
stones.t  But  I  say,  all  in  vain  :  desperation 
will  not  comfort  him,  the  old  coxenant  will  not 
save  him  ;  nay,  '•  heaven  and  earth  shall  pass 
*  Rom.  vi.  9.  t  Mark  v.  %  3,  &c. 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  91 

away,  before  one  jot  or  tittle  of  the  word  and 
law  of  grace  will  fail  or  be  removed."'  'I'his  I 
saw,  this  1  felt,  and  under  this  I  groaned  :  yet 
this  advantage  I  got  thereby,  namely,  a  farther 
confirmation  of  the  certainty  of  the  way  to  sal- 
vation, and  that  the  scriptures  were  the  word  of 
God.  Oh  !  I  cannot  now  express  what  I  then 
saw  and  felt  of  the  steadiness  of  Jesus  Christ, 
the  rock  of  man's  salvation  !  what  was  done 
could  not  be  undone,  added  to,  nor  altered.  I 
saw  indeed,  that  sin  might  drive  the  soul  be- 
yond Christ,  even  the  sin  which  is  unpardon- 
able ;  but  woe  to  him  that  was  so  driven,  for 
the  word  would  shut  him  out ! 

1S7.  'i'hus  was  I  always  sinking,  wliatever 
I  did  think  or  do.  So  one  day  I  walked  to  a 
sieighbouriug  town,  and  sat  down  upon  a  settle 
in  the  street,  and  fell  into  a  very  deep  pause 
about  the  most  fearful  state  my  sin  had  brought 
me  to  ;  and  after  long  musing,  I  lifted  up  my 
head,  but  methought  I  saw  as  if  the  sun  that 
shineth  in  the  heavens  did  grudge  to  give  light; 
and  as  if  the  very  stones  in  the  street  and  the 
tiles  upon  the  houses  did  bend  themselves 
against  me.  JMethought  that  they  all  condjined 
together  to  banish  me  out  of  the  world.  1  was 
abhorred  of  them,  and  unfit  to  dwell  among 
them,  or  be  partaker  of  their  benefits,  because  I 
had  sinned  against  the  Saviour.  Oh  !  how 
happy  now  w^as  every  creature  over  I  was  !  for 
they  stood  fast,  and  kept  their  station,  but  I  was 
gone  and  lost ! 

188.  Then  breakine:  out  in  the  bitterness  of 


92  BUNYAN'S 

my  soul,  I  said  to  Diy  soul,  with  a  grievous 
sigh,  "  How  can  God  cojnfort  such  a  wretch  !" 
I  had  no  sooner  said  it,  Init  this  returned  upon 
me,  as  an  echo  doth  answer  a  voice,  '•  This  sin  — 
is  not  unto  death."  At  which  I  was  as  if  I  had 
heen  rai.-ed  out  of  the  grave,  and  cried  out 
again,  "Lord,  how  couldst  thou  fifid  out  such  a 
w^ord  as  tliis  !"  For  I  was  filled  with  admira- 
tion at  the  fitness,  and  at  tlie  unexpectedness  of 
the  sentence  ;  the  fitness  of  the  word,  the  rigljt- 
ness  of  the  timing  of  it;  the  power,  and  sweet- 
ness, and  light,  and  glory,  that  came  w^ith  it 
also,  w^as  marvellous  to  me  to  find  :  I  was  now, 
for  the  time,  out  of  doubt  as  to  that  about 
w  hich  I  so  much  was  in  doubt  before ;  my 
fears  before  were,  that  my  sin  w^as  not  pardon- 
able, and  so  that  I  had  no  right  to  pray,  to  re- 
pent, and  so  forth  ;  or  that  if  I  did.  it  w^ould  be 
of  no  advantage  or  profit  tome.  "But  now 
(thought  I)  if  tills  sin  is  not  unto  death,  then  it 
is  pardonable ;  therefore  from  this  I  have  en- 
couragement to  come  to  God  by  Christ  for 
mercy,  to  consider  the  promise  of  forgiveness, 
as  that  which  stands  witii  open  arms  to  receive 
me  as  w^ell  as  others."  This  therefore  was  a 
great  easement  to  my  mind,  to  wit,  that  my  sin 
w-as  j)ardonable,  that  it  was  not  the  sin  unto 
deatli.''  None  but  those  that  know  what  my 
trouble  (by  their  own  experience)  was,  can  tell 
wdiat  relief  came  to  my  soul  by  this  considera- 
tion :  it  was  a  release  to  me  from  my  former 
bonds,  and  a  shelter  from  my  former  storms  ;  I 
*  1  John  V.  IG,  17. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  93 

seemed  now  to  stand  upon  the  same  ground 
with  other  sinners,  and  to  have  as  good  right  to 
the  word  and  prayer  as  any  of  them. 

1S9.  Now  I  say,  I  was  in  hopes  that  my  sin 
was  not  unpardonable,  but  that  there  might  be 
hopes  for  me  to  obtain  forgiveness.  But  oh ! 
how  Satan  did  now  lay  about  liim  for  to  bring 
ine  down  again  !  But  lie  could  by  no  means 
do  it,  neither  this  day  nor  the  most  part  of  the 
next,  for  this  sentence  stood  like  a  mill-post  at 
my  back ;  yet  towards  the  evening  of  the  next 
day  I  felt  tliis  word  begin  to  leave  me,  and  to 
with(h-aw  its  supportation  from  me,  and  so  I  re- 
turned to  my  old  fears  again,  but  vvith  a  great  deal 
of  grudging  and  peevishness,  for  I  feared  the 
soiTow  of  despair,  nor  could  my  faith  now  long 
tain  this  word. 

190.  But  tlie  next  day  at  evening,  being 
under  many  fears,  I  went  to  seek  the  Lord,  and 
as  I  prayed  I  cricnl,  and  my  soul  cried  to  him  in 
these  words,  with  strong  cries,  "  O  Lord,  I  be- 
seech tliee,  show  me  that  thou  hast  loved  me 
with  everlasting  love."*  I  had  no  sooner  said 
it  but,  with  sweetness,  this  returned  upon  me  as 
an  eclio  or  sounding  again,  "  I  have  loved  thee 
with  an  everlasting  love."  Now  I  went  to  bed 
in  quiet;  also,  when  I  awaked  tlie  next  morn- 
ing, it  was  fresh  upon  my  soul,  and  I  believed  it. 

19L  But  yet  the  tempter  left  me  not.  for  it 

could  not  beso  little  as  a  hundred  times  tbathe 

(hat  day  did  labour  to  break   my   peace.     Oh! 

the  combats  and  conlhcts  that  1  then  did   meet 

*  Jer.  xxxi.  3. 


94  BUNYAN'S 

with  ;  as  I  strove  to  hold  by  this  word,  that  of 
Esau  would  fly  in  my  face  like  lightning  ;  1 
should  be  sometimes  up  and  down  twenty  times 
in  an  hour  ;  yet  God  did  bear  me  out.  and  keep 
my  heart  upon  this  word,  from  which  I  bad 
also,  for  several  days  together,  very  miicb  sweet 
ness,  and  comfortable  hopes  of  pardon  ;  for  thus 
it  was  made  out  unto  me,  "  I  loved  tbee  whilst 
thou  wast  committing  this  sin  !  I  loved  tbee 
before,  I  love  thee  still,  and  I  Avill  love  thee  for 
ever." 

192.  Yet  I  saw  my  sin  most  barbarous,  and 
a  filthy  crime,  and  could  not  but  conclude,  with 
great  sbame  and  astonishment,  that  I  had  hor- 
ribly abused  tbe  holy  Son  of  God :  wherefore  I 
felt  my  soul  greatly  to  love  and  pity  him,  and 
my  bowels  to  yearn  towards  him  :  for  I  saw  he 
was  still  my  friend,  and  did  reward  me  good  for 
evil ;  yea,  tbe  love  and  affection  that  then  did 
burn  within  me  to  my  Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus 
Christ  did  work  at  this  time  such  a  strong  and 
hot  desire  of  revengement  upon  myself  for  the 
abuse  I  had  done  unto  him,  that,  to  speak  as  I 
then  thought,  had  I  a  thousand  gallons  of  blood 
within  my  veins,  I  could  freely  then  have  spilt 
it  all,  at  the  conmiand  and  feet  of  this  my  Lord 
and  Saviour. 

193.  And  as  I  was  thus  a-musing,  and  in 
my  studies,  considering  how  to  love  the  Lord, 
and  to  express  my  love  to  him,  that  saying 
came  in  upon  me,  '•  If  thou,  Lord,  shouldst 
mark  iniquity,  O  Lord,  who  should  stand?  But 
there  is  forgiveness  with  thee,  that  thou  mayest 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  95 

be  feared.'"*  These  were  good  words  to  me,  es- 
pecially the  latter  part  thereof,  to  wit,  "  That 
there  is  forg-iveness  with  the  Lord,  that  he 
might  be  feared ;"  that  is,  as  I  then  understood 
ir,  that  he  might  be  loved,  and  had  in  reverence ; 
for  k  was  thus  made  out  to  me,  ''  That  the 
great  God  did  set  so  high  'an  esteem  upon  the 
love  of  his  poor  creatures,  that,  ratlicr  than  he 
would  go  without  their  love,  he  would  pardon 
their  transgressions." 

194.  And  now  was  tliat  word  fulfilled  on  me, 
and  I  was  also  refreshed  by  it,  '•  I'hen  shall 
they  be  a.shamed  and  confounded,  and  never 
open  their  mouths  any  more,  because  of  their 
shame,  when  I  am  pacified  towards  them  for 
all  that  they  have  done,  saith  the  Lord  God."t 
Thus  v/as  my  soul  at  this  time  (and  as  I  then 
did  think  for  ever)  set  at  liberty  from  being 
afflicted  with  my  former  guilt  and  amazement. 

195.  But  before  many  weeks  were  gone,  I 
began  to  despond  again,  fearing  lest,  notwith- 
standing all  that  I  had  enjoyed,  that  1  might  be 
deceived  and  destroyed  at  the  last :  for  this  con- 
sideration came  strong  into  my  mind,  "  That 
whatever  comfort  and  peace  I  thought  I  might 
have  from  the  word  of  the  promise  of  life,  yet 
unless  there  could  be  found  in  my  refreshment 
a  Ci.Micurrence  and  agreement  in  the  scriptures, 
let  me  think  what  I  will  thereof,  and  hold  it 
never  so  fast,  I  should  find  no  such  thing  at 
the  end  ;  for  "  the  scriptures  cannot  be  broken."! 

196.  Now  began  my  heart  again  to  ache, 
*  Psalm  cxxx.  3,  4         t  Ezek.  xvi.  63.        ;  John  x.  35. 


96  BtJNYAN'S 

and  fear  I  might  meet  with  a  disappointment  at 
last.  Wherefore  1  began  with  all  seriousness  to 
examine  my  former  comfort,  and  to  consider 
whether  one  that  had  sinned  as  I  had  done, 
might  with  confidence  trust  upon  the  faithful- 
ness of  God,  laid  down  in  these  words,  by  which 
I  had  been  comforted,  and  on  which  I  had 
leaned  myself.  But  now  were  brought  to  my 
mind,  "  For  it  is  impossible  for  those  who  were 
once  enlightened,  and  have  tasted  the  heavenly 
gift,  and  were  made  partakers  of  the  Holy 
Ghost,  and  have  tasted  the  good  word  of  Goch 
and  the  povv^ers  of  the  world  to  come,  if  they 
shall  fall  away,  to  renew  them  again  unto  re- 
pejitance.— For  if  we  sin  wilfully,  after  we 
have  received  the  knowledge  of  the  truth,  there 
remaineth  no  more  sacrifice  for  sin,  but  a  cer- 
tain  fearful  looking-for  of  judgment  and  fiery 
indisrnation.  which  shall  devour  the  adversaries : 
— =even  as  Esau,  who  for  one  morsel  of  meat 
sold  bis  birthright.  For  ye  know  hovv^  that  af- 
terwards, when  he  would  have  inherited  the 
blessing,  he  was  rejected  :  for  he  found  no  place 
of  repentance,  though  he  sought  it  carefully 
with  tears. '^* 

197.  Now  was  the  word  of  the  gospel  forced 
from  my  soul,  so  that  no  promise  or  encourage- 
ment was  to  be  found  in  the  Bible  for  me  ;  and 
now  would  that  saying  work  upon  my  spirit  to 
afflict  me,  "  Rejoice  not,  O  Israel,  for  joy,  as 
other   people  ;"t  for  I  saw,  indeed,  there  wag 

1-  Heb.  vi.  4,  5,  O5  and  x.  26,  27 ;  and  xii.  16,  17. 
t  Hosea  ix.  I. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  97 

cause  of  rejoicing  for  those  that  held  to  Jesus  ; 
but  for  me,  I  had  cut  myself  off  by  my  trans- 
g-re>?ion3,  and  left  myself  neither  foot-hold  nor 
iiand-hold,  among  all  the  stays  and  props  in  the 
precious  word  of  life. 

198.  And  truly  I  did  now  feel  myself  to  sink 
into  a  gulf,  as  a  house  whose  foundation  is  de- 
stroyed ;  I  did  liken  myself,  in  this  condition, 
unto  the  case  of  a  child  that  was  fallen  into  a 
mill-pit,  who,  though  it  could  make  some  shift 
to  scrabble  and  sprawl  in  tlie  water,  yet,  be- 
cause it  could  find  neither  hold  for  liand  or  foot, 
therefore  at  last  it  must  die  in  that  condition. — 
So  soon  as  this  fresh  assault  had  fastened  on 
my  soul,  that  scripture  came  into  my  heart, 
"  This  for  many  days  :"*  and  indeed  I  found  it 
was  so,  for  I  could  not  be  delivered,  nor  brought 
to  peace  again,  until  well  nigh  two  years  and  a 
half  were  completely  finished.  Wherefore  these 
words,  though  in  themselves  they  tended  to  no 
discouragement,  yet  to  me,  who  feared  this  con- 
dition would  be  eternal,  they  were  at  some  times 
as  a  help  and  refreshment  to  me. 

199.  "  For  (thought  I)  many  days  are  not  for 
ever,  many  days  will  have  an  end."  There- 
fore, seeing  I  was  to  be  afflicted  not  a  few  but 
many  days,  yet  I  was  glad  it  was  but  for  many 
days.  Thus,  I  say,  I  could  recall  myself  some- 
times, and  give  myself  a  help  ;  for  as  soon  as 
ever  the  word  came  into  my  mind,  at  first  I 
knew  my  trouble  would  be  long ;  yet  this  would 
be  but  sometimes,  for  I  could  not  always  think 

*  Dan.  X.  14. 
9 


98  BUNY-iN'S 

on  this,  nor  ever  be  helped  by  it,  though  I 
did. 

200.  Now  while  the  scriptures  lay  before  me, 
and  laid  sin  anew  at  my  door,  that  saying  in 
Luke,*  witii  others,  did  encourage  rae  to  prayer. 
Then  the  tempter  again  laid  at  me  very  sore, 
suggesting,  "  That  neither  the  mercy  of  God, 
nor  yet  the  blood  of  Christ  did  at  ail  concern 
me,  nor  could  they  help  me  for  my  sin  ;  there- 
fore it  was  but  in  vain  to  pray." — "  Yet  (thought 
1)  I  will  pray."  "  But  (said  the  tempter)  your 
sin  is  unpardonable."  '•  Well  (said  I.)  I  will 
pray."  "It  is  to  no  boot,"  said  he.  "Yet  (said 
I)  I  will  pray." — So  I  went  to  prayer  to  God  ; 
and  while  I  was  at  prayer,  I  uttered  words  to 
this  effect :  "  Lord,  Satan  tells  me,  that  neither 
ihy  mercy  nor  Christ's  blood  is  sufficient  to  save 
my  soul :  Lord,  shall  I  honour  thee  most,  by 
believing  thou  wilt  and  canst  ?  or  him,  by  be- 
lieving thou  neither  wilt  not  nor  canst  ?  Lord, 
I  would  fain  honour  thee,  by  beheving  thou  wilt 
and  canst." 

201.  And  as  I  was  thus  before  the  Lord,  that 
scripture  fastened  on  my  heart,  "  O  man,  great 
is  thy  faith  ;"t  even  as  if  one  had  clapped  me 

*  Chap,  xviii.  1. — "Men  ought  always  to  pray,  and  not  to 
faint." 

t  Matt.  XV.  28. — The  author  here  appUes  to  his  own  case 
our  blessed  Saviour's  commendation  of  the  Canaanitish  wo- 
man's faith,  "  O  woman,  great  is  thy  faith." — We  may  gather 
hence,  that  the  scri{)tures  are  of  no  private  interpretation ;  for 
we  perceive  that  what  is  recorded  of  our  Lord's  approval  of 
faith  in  the  weaker  vessel,  served,  many  ages  after,  as  a  ground 
of  solid  hope  to  the  stronger  vessel; — "the  strength  of  God  is 
perfected  in  weakness." 


3RACE  ABOUNDING.  99 

on  the  back,  as  I  was  on  my  knees  before  God : 
yet  I  was  not  able  to  believe  this,  that  this  was 
a  prayer  of  faith,  till  almost  six  months  after, 
for  I  could  not  think  that  I  had  faith,  or  that 
there  should  be  a  word  for  me  to  act  faith  on  ; 
therefore  I  should  still  be  as  sticking  in  the  jaws 
of  desperation,  and  went  mourning  up  and  down 
in  a  sad  condition. 

202.  There  was  nothing  now  that  I  longed 
for  more  than  to  be  put  out  of  doubt,  as  to  this 
thing  in  question ;  and  as  I  was  vehemently 
desiring  to  know  if  there  was  indeed  hope  for 
me,  these  words  came  rolling  into  my  mind, 
"  Will  the  Lord  cast  off  for  ever  ?  and  will  he 
be  favourable  no  more  ?  Is  his  mercy  clean 
gone  for  ever  ?  Doth  his  promise  fail  for  ever- 
more ?  Hath  God  forgotten  to  be  gracious  ? 
Hath  he  in  anger  shut   up  his   tender  mer- 

The  illustrious  instance  of  faith  displayed  by  the  Canaan- 
itish  woman,  who,  as  it  were,  "  hoped  against  hope,"  and 
would  not  let  the  Lord  go  (to  speak  with  reverence)  till  he 
answered  her  request,  calls  to  my  recollection  a  passage  that 
I  have  read  in  Mr.  Mead's  "  Almost  Christian  "  (a  book  that 
highly  deserves  the  perusal  of  every  one ;)  where  he  shows 
the  seeming  contradictions  that  attach  themselves  to  the  con- 
versation and  Character  of  a  Christian  man,  which  still  har- 
monize and  are  verified  in  his  experience,  and  by  the  inward 
testhnony  of  the  Holy  Spirit : — "  A  man  must  die,  that  would 
live  ;  he  must  be  empty,  that  would  be  full ;  he  must  be  lost, 
that  would  be  found  ;  he  must  have  nothing,  that  would  have 
all  things;  he  must  be  blind,  that  would  have  illumination  ; 
he  must  be  condemned,  that  would  have  redemption;  so  he 
must  be  a  fool,  that  would  be  a  Christian."  This  may  seem 
a  hard  lesson  to  flesh  and  blood  :  but  let  us  remember"  "  that 
with  God  all  things  are  possible  ;"  and  may  He,  who  rewarded 
the  Canaanitish  woman's  faith,  vouchsafe"  his  blessed  instruc- 
tions, and  then,  though  fools,  we  shall  be  made  wise  ! 


100  BUNYAN'S 

cies  ?"'*  Arid  all  the  while  they  ran  in  my 
mind,  methoiight  I  had  still  this  as  the  answer, 
'•  'Tis  a  question  wliether  he  hath  or  no  :  it 
may  be  he  hath  not."  Yea,  the  interrogatory 
seemed  to  me  to  carry  in  it  a  sure  affirmation 
that  indeed  he  had  not.  or  would  so  cast  off, 
but  would  be  favourable  :  that  his  promise  doth 
not  fail,  and  that  he  hath  not  forgotten  to  be 
gracious,  nor  would  in  anger  sliut  up  tender 
merc}^  Something  also  there  was  upon  my 
heart  at  the  same  time,  which  I  now  cannot 
call  to  mind,  which,  with  this  text,  did  sweeten 
my  heart,  and  make  me  conclude,  that  his  mercy 
might  not  be  quite  gone,  nor  gone  for  ever. 

203.  At  another  time,  I  remembered,  I  was 
again  much  under  this  question,  "  Whether  the 
blood  of  Christ  was  sufficient  to  save  my  soul  ?" 
In  which  doubt  I  continued  from  morning  till 
about  seven  or  eight  at  night ;  and  at  last,  when 
1  was,  as  it  were,  quite  worn  out  with  fear,  lest 
it  should  not  lay  hold  on  me,  these  words  did 
sound  suddenly  within  my  heart,  "  He  is  able."t 
But  methouglit  this  word  able  was  spoke  loud 
unto  me  ;  it  showed  a  great  word,  it  seemed  to 
be  writ  in  great  letters,  and  gave  such  a  jostle 
to  my  fear  and  doubt  (I  mean  for  the  time  it 
tarried  with  me,  which  was  about  a  day,)  as  I 
never  had  from  that,  all  my  life,  either  before  or 
after. 

204.  But  one  morning  as  I  was  again  at 
prayer,  and  trembhng  under  the  fear  of  this, 
that  no  word  of  God  could  help  me,  that  piece 

=>  Psalm  Ixxvii.  7, 8,  9.  t  Heb  vii.  25, 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  101 

of  a  sentence  darted  in  upon  me,  "  My  grace  is 
sufficient."*  At  this,  methought  I  felt  some 
stay,  as  if  there  might  be  hopes.  But,  oh  ! 
how  good  a  thing  it  is  for  God  to  send  his 
word  !  for,  about  a  fortnight  before,  I  was  look- 
ing on  this  very  place,  and  then  I  thought  it 
could  not  come  near  my  soul  with  comfort, 
therefore  I  threw  down  my  book  in  a  pet :  then 
I  thought  it  was  not  large  enough  for  me,  no, 
not  large  enough  ;  but  now  it  was  as  if  it  had 
arms  of  grace  so  wide,  that  it  could  not  only 
enclose  me,  but  many  more  besides. 

205.  By  these  words  I  was  sustained,  yet  not 
without  exceeding  conflicts,  for  the  space  of 
seven  or  eight  weeks ;  for  my  peace  would  be 
in  it,  and  out,  sometimes  twenty  times  a  day ; 
comfort  now,  and  trouble  presently  :  peace  now, 
and,  before  I  could  go  a  furlong,  as  full  of  fear 
and  guilt  as  ever  heart  could  hold  ;  and  this 
was  not  only  now  and  then,  but  my  whole 
seven  weeks'  experience  :  for  this  about  the 
sufficiency  of  grace,  and  that  of  Esau's  parting 
with  his  birthright,  would  be  like  a  pair  of  scales 
within  my  njind,  sometimes  one  end  would  be 
uppermost,  and  sometimes  again  the  other  ;  ac- 
cording to  wliich  would  be  my  peace  or  troubles. 

206.  Therefore  I  did  still  pray  to  God,  that 
he  would  come  in  with  his  scripture  more  fully 
on  my  heart ;  to  wit,  that  he  would  help  me  to 
apply  the  whole  sentence,  for  as  yet  I  could  not : 
that  he  gave,  that  I  gathered  ;  but  furtlier  I 
could  not  go,  for  as  yet  it  only  helped  me  to 

*  2  Cor.  xii.  9. 

9* 


} 


102  BUNYAN'S 

hope  there  might  be  mercy  for  me ;  my  grace 
is  sufficient :  and  though  it  came  no  farther,  it 
answered  my  former  question,  to  wit,  "  That 
there  was  hope :"  yet,  because  "  for  thee"  was 
left  out,  I  was  not  contented,  but  prayed  to  God 
for  that  also.  AYlierefore,  one  day,  Avhen  I  was 
in  a  meeting  of  God's  people,  full  of  sadness 
and  terror  (for  my  fears  again  were  strong  upon 
me) ;  and,  as  I  was  now  thinking,  my  soul 
w^as  never  the  better,  but  my  case  most  sad  and 
fearful,  these  words  did  with  great  power  sud- 

^xienly  break  in  upon  me  ;  "  My  grace  is  suffi- 
cient for  thee,  my  grace  is  sufficient  for  thee,  my 
grace  is  sufficient  for  thee,"  three  times  together : 
— "  And  oh  !  (methought)  that  every  word  was 
a  mighty  word  unto  me  ;  as  "my,"  and  "grace," 
and  "  sufficient,"  and  "  for  thee ;"  they  were 
then,  and  sometimes  are  still,  far  bigger  than 
others  be. 

*•-  207.  At  which  time  my  understanding  was 
so  enlightened,  that  I  was  as  though  I  had  seen 
the  Lord  Jesus  look  down  from  heaven,  through 
the  tiles,  upon  me,  and  direct  these  w^ords  unto 
me.  This  sent  me  mourning  home  ;  it  broke 
ray  heart,  and  filled  me  full  of  joy,  and  laid  me 
low^  as  the  dust ;  only  it  stayed  not  long  with 
me,  I  mean  in  this  glory  and  refreshing  com- 
fort ;  yet  it  continued  with  me  for  several  weeks, 
and  did  encourage  me  to  hope :  but  as  soon  as 
that  powerful  operation  of  it  was  taken  from  my 
heart,  that  other,  about  Esau,  returned  upon  me 
as  before :  so  my  soul  did  hang  as  in  a  pair 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  103 

of  scales  again,  sometimes  up,  and  sometimes 
down  ;  now  in  peace,  and  anon  again  in  terror. 

208.  Thus  I  went  on  for  many  weeks,  some- 
times comforted  and  sometimes  tormented  ;  and 
especially  at  some  times  my  torment  would  be 
very  sore,  for  all  those  scriptures  afore-named 
in  the  "  Hebrews"  would  be  set  before  me,  as 
the  only  sentences  that  would  keep  me  out  of 
heaven.  Then  again  I  would  begin  to  repent 
that  ever  that  thought  went  through  me :  I 
would  also  think  thus  with  myself:  "Why, 
how  many  scriptures  are  there  against  me  ? 
There  are  but  three  or  four  :  and  cannot  God 
miss  them,  and  save  me  for  all  them  ?"  Some- 
times again  I  should  think,  "  Oh  !  if  it  were 
not  for  these  three  or  four  words,  now  how 
might  I  be  comforted  !''  And  I  could  hardly 
forbear,  at  sometimes,  to  wish  them  out  of  the 
book. 

209.  Then  methought  I  should  see  as  if  both 
Peter  and  Paul,  and  John,  and  all  the  holy 
waiters,  did  look  with  scorn  upon  me,  and  hold 
me  in  derision ;  and  as  if  they  had  said  unto 
me,  "All  our  words  are  truth,  one  of  as  much 
force  as  the  other :  it  is  not  we  that  have  cut 
you  off,  but  you  have  cast  away  yourself. 
There  is  none  of  our  sentences  that  you  must 
take  hold  upon,  but  these,  and  such  as  these,  it 
is  impossible :  "  There  remains  no  more  sacri- 
fice for  sin  :''*  and,  "'  It  had  been  better  for  them 
not  to  have  known  the  will  of  God,  than,  after 
they  had  known  it,  to  turn  from  the  holy  com- 

♦  Heb.  X.  2(3. 


104  BUNYAN'S 

mandment  delivered    unto   them  f*    "  for  the 
scriptures  cannot  be  broke n."t 

210.  These  as  the  elders  of  the  city  of 
refuge,  I  saw,  were  to  be  the  judges  both  of  my 
case  and  me,  while  I  stood  with  the  avenger  of 
blood  t  at  my  heels,  trembling  at  their  gate 
for  deliverance  ;  also  with  a  thousand  fears  and 
mistrusts,  I  doubted  that  he  would  shut  me  out 
for  ever. 

211.  Thus  was  I  confounded,  not  knowing 
what  to  do,  or  how  to  be  satisfied  in  this  ques- 
tion, "Whether  the  scriptures  could  agree  in 
the  salvation  of  my  soul  T  I  quaked  at  the 
apostles ;  I  knew  their  words  were  true,  and 
that  they  must  stand  for  ever. 

212.  And  I  remember,  one  day  as  I  was  in 
divers  frames  of  spirit,  and  considering  that 
these  frames  were  according  to  the  nature  of 
several  scriptures  that  came  in  upon   my  mind 

/^  I  — if  this  of  grace,  then  was  I  quiet ;  but  if  that 
'^  I  of  Esau,  then  tormented — "  Lord  (thought  1), 
'  if  both  these  scriptures  should  meet  in  my 
heart  at  once,  I  wonder  which  of  them  would 
get  the  better  of  me  ?"  So,  methought,  I  had 
a  longing  mind  that  they  might  come  both 
together  upon  me  ;  yea,  I  desired  of  God  they 
might. 

213.  Well,  about  two  or  three  days  after,  so 
they  did  indeed ;  they  bolted  both  upon  me  at 
a  time,  and  did  work  and  struggle  strongly  in 
me  for  a  while  :  at  last,  that  about  Esau's  birth- 
right began  to  wax  weak,  and  withdraw,  and 

*  2  Pet.  ii.  31.         t  John  x.  35.        t  See  Joshua  xx.  3. 


GRACE  ABOUNL^LXd.  105 

vanish ;  and  this,  about  the  sufficiency  of 
grace,  prevailed  with  peace  and  joy.  And  as  I 
was  in  a  muse  about  this  thing,  that  scripture 
came  in  upon  me,  "  Mercy  rejoiceth  against 
judgment.'"* 

2 14.  This  was  a  wonderment  to  me  ;  5'et, 
truly,  I  am  apt  to  think  it  was  of  God  ;  for  the 
word  of  tire  law  and  wrath  must  give  place  to 
the  w^ord  of  life  and  grace  :  because,  tliough 
the  word  of  condemnation  be  glorious,  yet  the 
word  of  life  and  salvation  doth  far  exceed  in 
glory  :t  also  that  Moses  and  Elias  must  both 
vanish,  and  leave  Christ  and  his  saints  alone.t 

215.  This  scripture  did  also  most  sw^eetly 
visit  my  soul,  "  And  him  that  cometh  to  me,  I 
will  in  no  wise  cast  out."§  Oh  !  the  comfort 
that  I  had  from  this  word,  "  in  no  wise  !"  As 
who  should  say,  "By  no  means,  for  nothing 
w^hatever  he  hath  done."  But  Satan  would 
greatly  labour  10  pull  this  promise  from  me,  tell- 
ing of  me,  "  That  Christ  did  not  mean  me  and 
such  as  I,  but  sinners  of  a  lower  rank,  that  had 
not  dene  as  I  had  done."  But  I  would  answer 
him  again,  '•  Satan,  here  is  in  these  words  no 
such  exception  ;  but  him  that  comes,  him,  any 
him :"  "  Him  that  cometh  to  me,  I  will  in  no 
wise  cast  out."  And  this  I  well  remember  still, 
that  of  all  the  shghts  that  Satan  used  to  take 
this  scripture  from  me,  yet  he  never  did  so  much 
as  put  this  question,  "  Butdoj'ou  come  aright?" 
And  I  have  thought  the  reason  was,  because  he 

*  JamcG  ii.  13.  t  2  Cor.  Hi.  8,  &c. 

;  See  Mark  ix.  5,  &c  §  See  John  vi,  37. 


106  BUNYAN'S 

thought  I  knew  full  well  what  coming  aright 
was ;  for  I  saw,  that  to  come  aright,  was  to 
come  as  I  was,  a  vile  and  ungodly  sinner,  and 
so  cast  myself  at  the  feet  of  Mercy,  condemning 
myself  for  sin.  If  ever  Satan  and  I  did  strive 
for  any  word  of  God  in  all  my  life,  it  was  for 
this  good  word  of  Christ :  he  at  one  end,  and 
I  at  the  otlier  :  oil  !  what  work  we  made  !  It 
was  for  this  in  John,  I  say,  that  we  did  so  tug 
and  strive ;  he  pulled  and  I  pulled  :  but,  God 
be  praised  !  I  overcame  him  !  I  got  sweetness 
from  it. 

216.  But  notwithstanding  all  these  helps, 
and  blessed  words  of  grace,  yet  that  of  Esau's 
seUing  of  his  birthright  would  still  at  times  dis- 
tress my  conscience:  for,  though  I  had  been 
most  sweetly  comforted,  and  that  but  just  be- 
fore ;  yet,  when  that  came  into  my  mind,  it 
would  make  me  fear  again  ;  I  could  not  be 
quite  rid  thereof,  it  would  every  day  be  with 
me.  Wherefore  now  I  went  another  way  to 
work,  even  to  consider  the  nature  of  this  blas- 
phemous thought — I  mean,  if  I  should  take  the 
words  at  the  largest,  and  give  them  their  own 
natural  force  and  scope,  even  every  word  there- 
in :  so  when  I  had  thus  considered,  I  found 
that,  if  they  were  fairly  taken,  they  would 
amount  to  this :  "  That  I  Jiad  freely  left  the 
Lord  Jesus  Christ  to  his  choice,  whether  he 
Avould  be  my  Saviour  or  no ;"  for  the  wicked 
w^ords  were  these,  "Let  him  go  if  he  will.'' 
Then  that  scripture   gave   m.e   hope,   '•'  I  will 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  107 

will  never  leave  thee  nor  forsake  thee."*  "  O 
Lord  (said  I),  but  I  have  left  thee."'  Then  it 
answered  again,  "  But  I  will  not  leave  thee." 
For  this  I  thanked  God  also. 
^/  217.  Yet  I  was  grievously  afraid  he  should, 
and  found  it  exceeding  hard  to  trust  him,  seeing 
I  had  so  offended  hirn ;  I  could  liave  been  ex- 
ceeding glad  that  this  thought  had  never  be- 
fallen ;  for  then  I  thought  I  could  with  more 
ease,  and  freedom  in  abundance,  have  leaned 
on  his  grace.  I  saw  it  was  with  me,  as  it  w^as 
with  Joseph's  brethren  ;  the  guilt  of  their  ow^n 
wickedness  did  often  fill  them  with  fears  that 
their  brother  would  at  last  despise  them.t 

218.  Yet  above  all  the  scriptures  that  I  yet 
did  meet  with,  that  in  Joshuat  was  the  greatest 
comfort  to  me,  which  speaks  of  the  slayer  that 
was  to  flee  for  refuge :  "  And  if  the  avenger  of 
blood  pursue  the  slayer,  then  saith  Moses,  they 
that  are  the  elders  of  the  city  of  refuge  shall 
not  deliver  him  into  his  hands,  because  he 
smote  his  neighbour  unwittingly,  and  hated  him 
not  aforetime."  Oh  !  blessed  be  God  for  this 
word :  I  was  convinced  that  I  was  the  slayer, 
and  that  the  avenger  of  blood  pursued  me,  I 
felt  with  gieat  terror ;  only  now  it  remained 
that  I  inquire  whether  I  have  right  to  enter  the 
city  of  refuge  :  so  I  found  that  he  must  not, 
^'  who  lay  in  wait  to  shed  blood :"  it  was  not 
the  wilful  nmrderer,  but  he  who  unwittingly  did 
it ;  he  who  did  it  unawares,  not  out  of  spite,  or 

*  Heb.  xui.  5.  t  See  Gen.  1.  15,  IG,  &c. 

t  Chap.  XX.  ver.  5. 


108  BUNYAN'S 

grudge,  or  malice,  he  that  shed  it  unwittingly ; 
even  he  who  did  not  hate  his  neighbour  before. 
Wherefore, 

219.  I  thought  verily  I  was  the  man  that 
must  enter,  because  I  had  smitten  my  neigh- 
bour "  unwittingly,  and  hated  him  not  afore- 
time." I  hated  him  not  aforetime ;  no,  I  prayed 
unto  him,  was  tender  of  sinning  against  him  : 
yea,  and  against  this  wicked  temptation  I  had 
strove  for  twelve  months  before :  yea,  and  also 
when  it  did  pass  through  my  heart,  it  did  in 
spite  of  my  teeth.  Wherefore  I  thought  I  had 
a  right  to  enter  this  city,  and  the  elders  (which 
are  the  apostles)  were  not  to  deliver  me  up. 
This,  therefore,  was  gi'eat  comfort  to  me,  and 
gave  me  much  ground  of  hope. 

220.  Yet  being  very  critical,  (for  my  smart 
had  made  me  that  I  knew  not  what  ground 
was  sure  enough  to  bear  me,)  I  had  one  cjues- 
tion  that  my  soul  did  much  desire  to  be  re- 
solved al^out,  and  that  was,  '*  Whether  it  be 
possible  for  any  soul  that  hath  sinned  the  un- 
pardona])le  sin,*  yet  after  to  receive  (though  but 
the  least)  true  spiritual  comfort  from  God  through 
Christ?")  The  which  after  I  had  much  con- 
sidered, I  found  the  answer  was,  "No,  they 
could  not,"  and  that  for  these  reasons : 

221.  First:  Because  those  that  Irave  sinned 
that  sin,  they  are  debarred  a  share  in  the  blood 
of  Christ ;  and  being  shut  out  of  that,  they  must 
needs  be  void  of  the  least  ground  of  hope,  and 
so  of  spiritual  comfort ;   "  For  to  such  there  re- 

*  Matt.  xii.  32. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  109 

mains  no  more  sacrifice  for  sin." — Secondly, 
Because  they  are  denied  a  share  in  the  promise 
of  hfe :  "  they  shall  never  he  forgiven,  neither 
in  this  world,  nor  in  that  which  is  to  come.''* — 
Thirdly ;  The  Son  of  God  excludes  them  also 
from  a  share  in  his  blessed  intercession,  being 
for  ever  ashamed  to  own  them,  both  before  his 
Holy  Father,  and  the  blessed  angels  in  hea- 
ven.t 

222.  When  I  had  with  much  deliberation 
considered  of  this  matter,  and  could  not  but 
conclude  that  the  Lord  had  comforted  me,  and 
that  too  after  this  my  wicked  sin,  then  me- 
thought  I  durst  venture  to  come  nigh  unto  those 
most  fearfid  and  terrible  scriptures,  with  which 
all  this  while  I  had  been  so  greatly  affrighted, 
and  on  which  indeed,  before,  I  durst  scarce  cast 
mine  eye,  (yea,  had  much  ado,  a  hundred 
times,  to  forbear  wishing  them  out  of  the  Bible,) 
for  I  thought  they  would  destroy  me  ;  but  now, 
I  say,  I  began  to  take  some  measure  of  encou- 
ragement, to  come  close  to  them,  to  read  them, 
and  consider  them,  and  to  weigh  their  scope 
and  tendency. 

223.  The  which  when  I  began  to  do,  I  found 
my  visage  changed  ;  for  they  looked  not  so 
grimly  as  before  I  thought  (hey  did  :  and,  first, 
1  came  to  the  6th  chapter  of  the  Hebrews,  yet 
trembling  for  fear  it  should  strike  me  ;  which 
when  I  had  considered,  I  found  that  the  falling 
there  intended  was  a  falling  quite  away  ;  that 
is,  as  I  conceived  a  falling  from,  and  absolute 

*  Matt.  xii.  32.  t  Mark  viii.  38. 

10 


no  BUNYAN'S 

denying  of  the  gospel,  of  the  remission  of  sing 
by  Jesus  Christ :  for.  from  them  tlie  apostle  be- 
gins this  argument.*  Secondly,  I  found  that 
this  falling  away  must  be  openly,  even  in  the 
view  of  the  world,  even  so  as  "  to  put  Christ  to 
an  open  shame."  Thirdly,  I  found  that  those 
he  there  intended  were  for  ever  shut  up  of  God, 
both  in  blindness,  hardness,  and  impenitency  : 
— "  It  is  impossible  they  should  be  renewed 
again  unto  repentance."  By  all  these  particu- 
lars, I  found,  to  God's  everlastuig  praise,  my  sin 
was  not  the  sin  in  this  place  intended. 

tJ^  First,  I  confessed  I  was  fallen,  but  not 
fallen  away  ;  that  is,  from  the  professon  of  faith 
in  Jesus  unto  eternal  hfe. 

D3=  Secondly,  I  confessed  that  I  had  put 
Jesus  Christ  to  shame  by  my  sin,  but  not  to 
open  shame ;  I  did  not  deny  him  l3efore  men, 
nor  condemn  him  as  a  fruitless  one  before  the 
world. 

ri^  Thirdly,  Nor  did  I  find  that  God  had 
shut  me  up,  or  denied  me  to  come  (though  I 
found  it  hard  work  indeed  to  come)  to  him  by 
sorrow  and  repentance  :  Blessed  be  God  for  un- 
searchable grace  ! 

224.  Then  I  considered  that  in  the  10th 
chapter  of  the  Hebrews,  and  found  that  the 
wilful  sin  there  mentioned  is  not  every  wilful 
sin,  ^ut  that  which  doth  throw  off  Christ,  and 
then  his  commandments  too.  Secondly,  That 
must  be  done  also  openly,  before  two  or  three 

*  See  verses  1,  2,  and  3,  of  the  same  chapter. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  Ill 

witnesses,  to  answer  that  of  the  law.*  Thirdly, 
This  sin  cannot  be  committed,  but  with  great 
despite  done  to  the  Spirit  of  grace  ;  despising 
both  the  dissuasions  from  tliat  sin,  and  the  per- 
suasions to  the  contrary.  But  the  Lord  knows, 
though  this  my  sin  was  devilish,  yet  it  did  not 
amount  to  these. 

225.  And  as  touching  that  in  the  12th  chap- 
ter of  the  Hebrews,  about  Esau's  selling  of  his 
birthright ;  though  this  was  that  which  killed 
me,  and  stood  like  a  spear  against  me  ;  yet  now 
I  did  consider,  first,  that  his  was  not  a  hasty 
thought  against  the  continual  labour  of  his  mind, 
but  a  thought  consented  to,  and  put  in  prac- 
tice likewise,  and  that  after  some  deliberation.! 
Secondly,  It  was  a  public  and  open  action,  even 
before  his  brother,  if  not  before  many  more : 
this  made  his  sins  of  a  far  more  heinous  nature 
than  otherwise  it  would  have  been.  Thirdly, 
He  continued  to  slight  his  birthright ;  he  did 
eat  and  drink,  and  went  his  way  :  thus  Esau 
despised  his  birthright ;  yea.  twenty  years  after 
he  was  found  to  despise  it  still.  And  Esau  said, 
"  I  have  enough,  my  brother  ;  keep  that  thou 
hast  unto  thy  self.  + 

226.  Now  as  touchino^  this,  that  Esau  sousrht 
a  place  of  repentance,  thus  I  thought :  First, 
This  was  not  for  the  birthright,  but  the  blessing; 
this  is  clear  from  the  apostle,  and  is  distinguished 
by  Esau  himself:  ''He  hath  taken  away  my 
birthright  (that  is,  formerly,)  and  now  he  hath 

*  See  the  26tli  verse  of  that  chapter. 
t  See  Gen.  xxv.  ver.  29,  &c.  ;  Gen.  xxxiii.  9. 


112  BUNYAN'S 

taken  away  my  blessing  also.*  Secondly,  Now 
this  being  thus  considered,  I  came  again  to  the 
apostle  to  see  what  might  be  the  mind  of  God 
in  a  New-Testament  style  and  sense  concern- 
ing Esau's  sin  ;  and  so  far  as  1  could  conceive, 
this  was  the  mind  of  God — that  the  birthright 
signified  regeneration,  and  the  blessing  the  in- 
ternal inheritance  ;  for  so  the  apostle  seems  to 
hint :  '•  Lest  there  be  any  profane  person,  as 
Esau,  who  for  a  morsel  of  meat  sold  his  birth- 
right ;"t  as  if  he  should  say,  "  That  shall  cast 
off  all  those  blessed  beginnings  of  God  that  at 
present  are  upon  him,  in  order  to  a  new  birth, 
lest  they  become  as  Esau,  even  be  rejected  after- 
wards, when  they  should  inherit  the  blessing." 

227.  For  many  there  are  who,  in  the  day  of 
grace  and  mercy,  despise  those  things  which 
are  indeed  the  birthright  to  heaven,  who  yet, 
when  the  declining  day  appears,  will  cry  as 
loud  as  Esau,  "  Lord,  Lord,  open  to  us  ;;  but 
then,  as  Isaac  would  not  repent, §  no  more  will 
God  the  Father,  but  will  say,  "  I  have  blessed 
these,  yea,  and  they  shall  be  blessed ;"  but  as 
for  you,  '•  Depart;  you  are  the  Avorkers  of  ini- 
quity." 

228.  When  I  had  thus  considered  these  scrip- 
tures, and  found  that  thus  to  understand  them 
was  not  against,  but  according  to,  other  scrip- 
tures ;  this  still  added  further  to  my  encourage- 
ment and  comfort,  and  also  gave  a  great  blow 
to  that  objection,  to  wit,  "  That  ihe  scriptures 

*  Gen.  xxvii.  3G.  t  Heb.  xii.  16. 

i  Luke  xiii.  25.  §  Gen  xxvii.  33. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  113 

could  not  agree  in  the  salvation  of  my  soul" 
And  noNV  remained  only  the  hinder  part  ot  the 
tempest,  for  the  thunder  was  gone  beyond  me, 
onW  some  drops  did  still  reniain,  that  now  and 
then  would  fall  upon  me :  but  because  my  lor- 
mer  frights  and  anguish  were  very  sore  and 
deep,  therefore  it  oft  befel  me  stdl,  as  it  befalleth 
those  that  have  been  scared  with  fire  :  I  thought 
every  voice  was  "Fire!  fire!"  Every  httle 
touch  would  hurt  my  tender  conscience. 

229.  But  one  day  as  I  was  passing  into  the 
field,  and  that  too  with  some  dashes  on  my 
conscience,  fearing  lest  yet  aU  was  not  nght, 
suddenly  this  sentence  fell  upon  my  soul,  i  liy 
ricrhteousness  is  in  heaven:"  and  methought 
withal  I  saw  with  the  eyes  of  my  soul  Jesus 
Christ  at  God's  right  hand ;— there,  I  say,  was 
mv  ricrhteousness,  so  that  wherever  1  was,  or 
whatem-  I  was  doing,  God  could  not  say  of 
me,  "  He  wants  my  righteousness  ;  for  that  was 
just  before  him.  I  also  saw  moreover  that  it 
was  not  my  good  frame  of  heart  that  made  my 
righteousness  better,  nor  yet  my  bad  frame  that 
made  my  ri-hteousness  worse  ;  for  my  righte- 
ousness was  Jesus  Christ  himself,  ''  The  same 
yesterday,  to-day,  and,  for  ever/"' 

230.  Now  did  my  chains  fall  off  my  legs 
indeed;  1  was  loosed  from  my  afflictions  and 
irons;  mv  temptations  also  fled  away,  so  that 
from  that  time  those  dreadful  scriptures  of  God 
left  off  to  trouble  me;  now  went  I  also  home 
rejoicing,  for  the  grace  and  love  of  God.     .-^o, 

*  Heb.  xiii.  8. 

10* 


114  BUNYAN'S 

when  I  came  liome,  I  looked  to  see  if  I  could 
find  that  sentence,  "  Thy  righteousness  is  iu 
heaven,"  but  could  not  find  such  a  saying; 
wherefore  rny  heart  began  to  sink  again  ;  only 
that  was  brought  to  my  remembrance,  "He  is 
made  unto  us  of  God,  wisdom,  righteousness, 
sanctification,  and  redemption  :"*  by  this  word  I 
saw  the  other  sentence  true. 

231.  For  by  this  scripture  I  saw  that  the 
man  Christ  Jesus,  as  he  is  distinct  from  us, 
as  touching  his  bodily  presence ;  so  he  is  our 
righteousness  and  sanctification  before  God. 
Here  therefore  I  liv^ed  for  some  time  very  sweetly 
at  peace  with  God  through  Christ. — Oh  !  me- 
thought  Christ !  Christ !  there  was  nothing  but 
Christ  that  was  before  my  eyes  :  I  was  now  not 
for  only  looking  upon  this  and  the  other  bene- 
fits of  Christ  apart,  as  of  his  blood,  burial,  or 
resurrection ;  but  considering  him  as  a  whole 
Christ,  as  he  in  whom  all  these,  and  all  other 
his  virtues,  relations,  offices,  and  operations,  met 
together ;  and  that  he  sat  on  the  right  hand  of 
God  in  heaven. 

232.  'Twas  glorious  to  me  to  see  his  exalta- 
tion and  the  worth  and  prevalency  of  all  his 
benefits,  and  that  because  now  I  could  look 
from  myself  to  him,  and  would  reckon  that  all 
those  graces  of  God  that  now  were  green  on 
me,  were  yet  but  like  those  cracked  groats  and 
fourpence-halfpennies  that  rich  men  carry  in 
their  purses  when  their  gold  is  in  their  trunks 
at  home ;  oh  !  I  saw  my  gold  was  in  my  trunk 

♦  1  Cor.  i,  30. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  115 

&t  home,  ill  Christ  my  Lord  and  Saviour !  Now 
Christ  was  all,  all  my  righteousness,  all  my 
sanctitication,  and  all  my  redemption. 

233.  Further,  the  Lord  did  also  lead  me  into 
the  mystery  of  union  with  the  Son  of  God — 
that  '-I  was  joined  to  him,  that  I  was  flesh  of 
his  flesh,  and  bone  of  his  bone :"  and  now  was 
that  a  sweet  word  to  me,  in  the  fifth  chaj3ter  of 
Ephesians.*  By  this  also  was  my  faith  in  hiin, 
as  my  righteousness,  the  more  confirmed  in 
me;  for  if  he  and  I  were  one,  then  his  right- 
eousness was  mine,  his  merits  mine,  his  victory 
also  mine.  Now  could  I  see  myself  in  heaven 
and  earth  at  once:  in  heaven  by  my  Christ, 
by  my  head,  by  my  righteousness  and  hfe ; 
though  on  earth  by  body  or  person. 

234.  Now  I  saw  Christ  Jesus  was  looked 
upon  of  God,  and  should  also  be  looked  upon 
by  us  as  that  common  or  public  person,  in 
whom  all  the  whole  body  of  his  elect  are 
always  to  be  considered  and  reckoned,  that  we 
fulfilled  the  law  by  him,  died  by  him,  rose  from 
the  dead  by  him;  got  the  victory  over  sin, 
death,  the  devil,  and  hell,  by  him;  when  he 
died,  we  died  ;  and  so  of  his  resurrection.  "Thy 
dead  men  shall  live,  together  with  my  dead 
body  shall  they  arise,"t  saith  he ;  and  again, 
"  After  two  days  he  will  receive  us,  and  the 
third  day  we  shall  five  in  his  sight,"i  which  is 
now  fidtilled  by  the  sitting  down  of  the  Son  of 
man  on  the  right  hand  of  the  Majesty  in  the 

*  Ver.  30.  t  Isaiah  xxvi.  19.  :  Hosea  vi.  2. 


116  BUNYAN'S 

heavens,  according  to  that  to  the  Ephesians  ;* 
"  He  hath  raised  us  up  together,  and  made  us 
sit  together  in  heavenly  places  in  Christ  Jesus." 

235.  Ah !  these  blessed  considerations  and 
scriptures,  with  many  others  of  like  nature, 
were  in  those  days  made  to  spangle  in  mine 
eye.  so  that  I  have  cause  to  say,  "  Praise  ye  the 
Lord  God  in  his  sanctuary,  praise  him  in  the 
firmament  of  his  power,  praise  him  for  his 
mighty  acts,  praise  him  according  to  his  excel- 
lent greatness."t 

236.  Having  thus  in  a  few  words  given  you 
a  taste  of  the  sorrow  and  affliction  that  my 
soul  went  under,  by  the  guilt  and  terror  that 
these  my  wicked  thoughts  did  lay  me  under  ; 
and  having  given  you  also  a  touch  of  my  de- 
liverance therefrom,  and  of  the  sweet  and 
blessed  comfort  that  I  met  with  afterwards, 
which  comfort  dwelt  about  a  twelvemonth  with 
my  heart,  to  my  unspeakable  admiration ;  I 
will  now  (God  willing,)  before  I  proceed  any 
farther,  give  you  in  a  word  or  two  what  as  1 
conceive  was  the  cause  of  this  temptation  ;  and 
also  after  that  what  advantage  at  the  last  it 
became  unto  my  soul. 

237.  For  the  causes.  I  conceived  they  were 
principally  two  ;  of  which  two  also  I  was  deeply 
convinced  all  the  time  this  trouble  lay  upon  me. 
The  first  was,  for  that  I  did  not,  when  I  was 
delivered  from  the  temptation  that  went  before, 
still  pray  to  God  to  keep  me  from  temptations 
that  w^ere  to  come  :  for  though,  as  I  can  say  in 

*  Chap.  ii.  ver.  6.  t  Psalm  cl.  1,  2. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  117 

truth,  my  soul  was  much  in  prayer  before  this 
trial  seized  me ;  yet  then  I  prayed  only,  or  at 
the  most,  principally,  for  the  removal  of  present 
troul)ler^,  and  for  fresh  discoveries  of  his  love  in 
Christ,  which  I  saw  afterwards  was  not  enough 
to  do  ;  I  also  should  have  prayed  that  the  great 
God  would  keep  me  from  the  evil  that  was  to 
come. 

238.  Of  this  I  was  made  deeply  sensible  by 
the  prayer  of  holy  David,  who,  when  he  was 
under  present  mercy,  yet  prayed  that  God 
would  hold  him  back  from  sin  and  temptation 
to  come :  "  For  then  (saith  he)  shall  I  be  ui> 
right,  and  I  shall  be  innocent  from  tlie  great 
transgression."*  By  this  very  word  was  I 
galled  and  condemned  quite  through  this  long 
temptation. 

239.  That  was  also  another  word  that  did 
much  condemn  me  for  my  folly  in  the  neglect 
of  this  duty:  "Let  us  therefore  come  boldly 
unto  the  throne  of  grace,  that  we  may  obtain 
mercy  and  find  grace  to  help  in  time  of  need."t 
This!  had  not  done,  and  therefore  was  thus  suf- 
fered to  sin  and  fall,  according  to  what  is  writ- 
ten, "Pray,  that  ye  enter  not  into  temptation." 
And  truly  this  very  thing  is  to  this  day  of  such 
weight  and  awe  upon  me,  that  I  dare  not, 
when  I  come  before  the  Lord,  go  ofT  my  knees 
until  I  entreat  hiiii  for  help  and  mercy  against 
the  temptations  that  are  to  come :  tO^  and  I  do 
beseech  thee,  reader,  that  thou  learn  to  beware 
of  my  negligence,  by  the  afflictions  that  for  this 

*  Psalm  xix.  13.  t  Heb.  iv.  IG. 


118  BUNYAN'S 

thing  I  did  for  days  and  months,  and  years, 
with  sorrow  undergo. 

240.  Another  cause  of  this  temptation  was, 
that  I  had  tempted  God  ;  and  on  this  manner 
did  I  do  it :  Upon  a  time  my  wife  was  great 
with  child ;  and  before  her  full  time  was  come, 
her  pangs,  as  of  a  woman  in  travail,  were 
fierce  and  strong  upon  her,  even  as  she  would 
have  immediately  fallen  into  labour,  and  been 
delivered  of  an  untimely  birth :  now  at  this 
very  time  it  was  that  I  had  been  so  strongly 
tempted  to  question  the  being  of  God ;  where- 
fore, as  my  wife  lay  crying  by  me,  I  said,  but 
with  all  secrecy  imaginable,  even  thinking  in 
my  heart,  "  Lord,  if  now  thou  wilt  remove  this 
sad  affliction  from  my  wife,  and  cause  that  she 
be  troubled  no  more  therewith  this  night  (and 
now  were  her  pangs  just  upon  her,)  then  I  shall 
know  that  thou  canst  discern  the  most  secret 
thoughts  of  the  heart." 

241.  I  had  no  sooner  said  it  in  my  heart,  but 
her  pangs  were  taken  from  her,  and  she  was 
cast  into  a  deep  sleep,  and  so  continued  till 
morning :  at  this  I  greatly  marvelled,  not 
knowing  what  to  think ;  but  after  I  had  been 
awake  a  good  while,  and  heard  her  cry  no 
more,  I  fell  asleep  also ;  so  when  I  awaked  in 
the  morning,  it  came  upon  me  again,  even 
what  I  had  said  in  my  heart  the  last  night,  and 
how  the  Lord  had  showed  me  that  he  knew 
my  secret  thoughts,  whicli  was  a  great  aston- 
ishment unto  me  for  several  weeks  after. 

242.  Well,  about  a  year  and  a  half  after- 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  119 

wards,  that  wicked  sinful  thought,  of  which  I 
have  t^pokeu  before,  went  tlu'ougli  my  wicked 
heart,  even  this  thought,  "Let  Christ  go  if  he 
will :"  so  when  I  had  fallen  under  guilt  for  this, 
the  remembrance  of  my  other  thought,  and  of 
the  effect  thereof,  would  also  come  upon  me 
with  this  retort,  which  also  carried  rebuke 
along  with  it,  "  Now  you  may  see  that  God 
doth  know  the  most  secret  thoughts  of  the 
heart." 

243.  And  with  this,  that  of  the  passages  that 
w^ere  betwixt  the  Lord  and  his  servant  Gideon 
fell  upon  my  spirit ;  how  because  that  Gideon 
tempted  God  with  his  fleece,*  both  wet  and  dry, 
when  he  should  have  believed  and  ventured 
upon  his  words  ;  therefore  the  Lord  did  after- 
wards so  try  him  as  to  send  him  against  an  in- 
numerable company  of  enemies,  and  that  too, 
as  to  outward  appearance,  without  any  strength 
or  help.  Thus  he  served  me,  and  that  justly, 
for  I  should  have  believed  his  w^ord,  and  not 
have  put  an  "if"  upon  the  all-seeingness  of 
God. 

244.  And  now  to  show  you  something  of  the 
advantages  that  I  also  have  gained  by  this 
temptation  :  and  first,  by  this  I  was  made  con- 
tinually to  possess  in  my  soul  a  very  wonderful 
sense  l)oth  of  the  blessing  and  glory  of  God, 
and  of  his  beloved  Son.  In  the  temptation 
that  went  before,  my  soul  was  perplexed  with 
unbelief,  blasphemy,  hardness  of  heart,  ques- 
tions about  the  being  of  God,  Christ,  the  truth 

*  Judjies  vi.  37. 


120  BUNYAN'S 

of  the  v/ord.  and  certainty  of  the  world  to 
come :  I  say,  then  1  was  greatly  assaulted  and 
tormented  with  atheism  ;  but  now  the  case  was 
otherwise,  now  was  God  and  Christ  continually 
before  my  face,  though  not  in  a  way  of  com- 
fort, but  in  a  way  of  exceeding  dread  and  ter- 
ror. Tlie  glory  of  tlie  holiness  of  God  did  at 
this  time  break  me  to  pieces,  and  the  bowels 
and  compassion  of  Christ  did  break  me  as  on 
the  wheel :  for  I  could  not  consider  him  but 
as  a  lost  and  rejected  Christ,  the  remembrance 
of  which  was  as  the  continual  breaking  of  my 
bones. 

245.  The  scriptures  also  were  wonderful 
things  unto  me  ;  I  saw  that  the  truth  and  veiity 
of  them  were  the  keys  of  the  kingdom  of 
heaven:  those  that  the  scriptures  favour,  they 
must  inherit  bliss :  but  those  that  they  oppose 
and  condemn  must  perish  for  evermore.  Oh  ! 
this  word,  '•  For  the  scriptures  cannot  be  broken,"' 
w^ould  rend  the  cawl  of  my  heart:  and  so 
Avould  that  other,  "  Wliose  sins  ye  remit,  they 
are  remitted  :  but  whose  sins  ye  retain,  they  are 
retained  "'  Now  I  saw  the  apostles  to  be  the 
elders  of  the  city  of  refuge.*  Those  that  they 
were  to  receive  in,  were  received  to  life  ;  but 
those  that  they  shut  out,  vrere  to  be  slain  by  the 
aven.ger  of  blood. 

24(3.  Oh  !  one  sentence  of  the  scripture  did 
more  afflict  and  terrify  my  mind,  I  mean  those 
sentences  that  stood  against  me  (as  sometimes  I 
thought  they  every  one  did),  more,  I  say,  than 

*  Joshua  XX.  4. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  121 

an  army  of  forty  thousand  men  that  might 
come  against  me.  Woe  be  to  him  against 
whom  tlie  s<'riptures  bend  themselves! 

2 17.  By  this  temptation  I  was  made  to  see 
more  into  the  nature  of  tlie  promises  than  ever 
I  had  before,  for  I  lay  now  trembling  under  the 
mighty  hand  of  God,  continually  torn  and  rent 
by  the  thundering  of  his  justice  :  this  made  me 
with  careful  heart,  and  watchful  eye,  with  great 
fearfuhiess  to  turn  over  every  leaf,  and  with 
much  diligence,  mixed  with  trembhng,  to  con- 
sider every  sentence,  together  with  its  natural 
force  and  latitude. 

248.  By  this  temptation  also  I  was  greatly 
holden  oft"  from  my  former  foolish  practice  of 
putting  by  the  word  of  promise  when  it  came 
into  my  mind  ;  for  now,  though  I  could  not 
suck  that  comfort  and  sweetness  from  the 
promise,  as  I  had  done  at  other  times ;  yet,  like 
to  a  man  sinking,  I  would  catch  at  all  I  saw. 
Formerly  I  thought  I  might  not  meddle  with 
the  promise,  unless  I  felt  its  comfort ;  but  now 
'twas  no  time  thus  to  do  ;  the  avenger  of  blood 
too  hardly  did  pursue  me. 

249.  Now  therefore  was  I  glad  to  catch  at 
that  word,  which  yet  I  feared  I  had  no  ground 
or  right  to  own  ;  and  even  to  leap  into  the 
bosom  of  that  promise,  that  yet  I  feared  did 
shut  its  heart  against  me.  Now  also  I  would 
labour  to  take  the  word  as  God  hath  laid  it 
=Jown,  without  restraining  the  natural  force  of 
)ne  syllable  thereof  O  !  what  did  I  see  in  that 
olessed  6th  chapter  of  8t.   John;  "And  him 

11 


122  BtJNYAN'S 

that  Cometh  to  me,  I  will  in  no  wise  cast  out."* 
Now  I  began  to  consider  with  myself,  that  God 
hath  a  bigger  mouth  to  speak  with,  than  I  had 
a  heart  to  conceive  with  ;  I  thought  also  with 
myself,  that  he  spake  not  his  words  in  haste, 
or  in  an  unadvised  heat,  but  with  infinite  wis- 
dom and  judgment,  and  in  very  truth  and  faith- 
fulness. 

250,  I  would  in  these  days,  often  in  my 
greatest  agonies,  even  flounce  towards  the 
promise  (as  the  horses  do  towards  sound  ground, 
that  yet  stick  in  the  mire) ;  concluding  (though 
as  one  almost  bereft  of  his  wits  through  fear), 
■'•On  this  will  I  rest  and  stay,  and  leave  the 
fulfiUing  of  it  to  the  God  of  heaven  that  made 
it."  Oh  !  many  a  pull  hath  my  heart  had  with 
Satan,  for  that  blessed  6tli  chapter  of  St.  John  ; 
I  did  not  now,  as  at  other  times,  look  principally 
for  comfort ;  (though,  O  how  welcome  would  it 
have  been  unto  ]ne  !)  but  now  a  word,  a  word 
to  lean  a  weary  soul  upon,  that  it.  might  not 
sink  for  ever  !  'twas  that  I  hunted  for. 

251.  Yea,  often  when  I  have  been  making 
to  the  promise,  I  have  seen  as  if  the  Lord  would 
refuse  my  soul  for  ever  :  I  was  often  as  if  I  had 
run  upon  the  pikes,  and  as  if  the  Lord  had 
thrust  at  me,  to  keep  me  from  him,  as  with  a 
flaming  sword.  Then  would  I  tliink  of  Esther, 
who  went  to  petition  the  King  contrary  to  the 
law.t  I  thought  also  of  Benhadad's  servants, 
who  went  with  ropes  upon  their  head  to  their 
enemies  for  mercy.  +     The  woman  of  Canaan 

*  Ver.  37.        t  Esther  iv.  16,  i  1  Kings  xx.  31,  &c. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  123 

also,  that  would  not  be  daunted,  though  called 
dog  by  Christ*  and  the  man  that  went  tol)orrow 
bread  at  niidnightt  were  also  great  encourage- 
ments unto  me. 

25:3.  I  never  saw  those  heights  and  depths  in 
grace,  and  love,  and  mercy,  as  1  saw  after  this 
temptation  ;  great  sins  do  draw  out  great  grace ; 
and  where  guilt  is  most  terrible  and  fierce,  there 
the  mercy  of  God  in  Chiist,  when  showed  to 
the  soul,  appears  most  high  and  mighty.  When 
Job  had  passed  through  his  captivity,  he  had 
twice  as  much  as  he  had  before.  +  Blessed  be 
God  for  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord  !  Many  other 
things  I  might  here  make  observation  of,  but  I 
would  be  brief;  and  therefore  shall  at  this  time 
omit  them  ;  and  do  pray  God  that  my  harms 
may  make  others  fear  to  offend,  lest  they  also  be 
made  to  bear  the  iron  yoke,  as  I  did. — I  had  two 
or  three  times,  at  or  about  my  deliverance  from 
this  temptation,  such  strange  apprehensions  of 
the  grace  of  God,  that  I  could  hardly  bear  up 
under  it :  it  was  so  out  of  measure  amazing, 
when  I  thought  it  could  reach  me,  that  I  do 
think  if  that  sense  of  it  had  abode  long  upon 
me,  it  would  have  made  me  incapable  for  busi- 
ness. 

253.  Now  I  shall  go  forward  to  give  you  a 
relation  of  other  of  the  Lord's  dealings  with  me 
at  sundry  other  seasons,  and  of  the  temptations 
I  then  did  meet  withal.  I  shall  begin  with 
what  1  met  with  when  hrst  I  did  join  in  fellow- 

*  Matt.  XV.  2-2,  &c.  t  Luke  xi.  5,  &c. 

J  Job  xlii.  10. 


124  BUNYAN'S 

ship  with  the  people  of  God  in  Bedford. — After 
I  had  propounded  to  the  church,  that  my  desire 
was  to  walk  in  the  order  and  ordinances  of 
Christ  with  them  ;  and  was  also  admitted  by 
them  ;  while  I  thought  of  that  blessed  ordinance 
of  Christ,  which  was  his  last  supper  with  his 
disciples  before  his  death  ;  that  scripture,  "  Do 
this  in  remembrance  of  me,"*  was  made  a  very 
precious  word  unto  me  ;  for  by  it  the  Lord  did 
come  down  upon  my  conscience  with  the  dis- 
covery of  his  death  for  my  sins  ;  and,  as  I  then 
felt,  did  as  if  he  plunged  me  in  the  virtue  of  the 
same.  But,  behold,  I  had  not  been  long  a  par- 
taker at  that  ordinance,  but  such  fierce  and  sad 
temptation  did  attend  me  at  all  times  therein, 
both  to  blaspheme  the  ordinance,  and  to  wish 
some  deadly  thing  to  those  that  then  did  eat 
thereof ;  that  lest  I  should  at  any  time  be  guilty 
of  consenting  to  these  wicked  and  fearful 
thoughts,  I  was  forced  to  bend  m.yself  all  the 
while,  to  pray  to  God  to  keep  me  from  such 
blasphemies  ;  and  also  to  cry  to  God  to  bless  the 
cup  and  bread  to  them,  as*  it  were  from  mouth 
to  mouth.  The  reason  of  this  temptation,  I 
have  thought  since,  was,  because  I  did  not,  with 
that  reverence  that  became  me,  at  first  approach 
to  partake  thereof. 

254.  Thus  I  continued  for  three  quarters  of 
a  year,  and  could  never  have  rest  nor  ease  :  but 
at  the  last  the  Lord  came  in  upon  my  soul  with 
that  same  scripture,  by  which  my  soul  was 
visited  before ;  and  after  that,  I  have  been 
*  Luke  xxii.  19  ;  and  1  Cor.  xi.  24. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  125 

usually  very  well  and  comfortable  in  tlie  par- 
taking of  that  blessed  ordinance  ;  and  bav  .  I 
trust,  tberein  discerned  the  Lord's  body,  a-; 
broken  for  my  sins,  and  that  his  precious  !)lood 
hath  been  shed  for  my  transgressions. 

255.  Upon  a  tinje  I  was  something  inchning 
to  a  consum|)tion,  wherewith  about  the  spring 
1  was  suddeidy  and  violently  seized,  with  much 
weakness  in  my  outward  man;  insonuich  that 
I  thought  I  could  not  live.  Now  began  I  afresh 
to  give  myself  up  to  a  serious  examination  after 
my  state  and  condition  for  the  future,  and  of 
my  evidences  for  that  blessed  world  to  come  : 
for  it  hath,  1  bless  the  name  of  God,  been  my 
usual  course,  as  always,  so  especially  in  the 
day  of  affliction,  to  endeavour  to  keep  my  in- 
terest in  the  life  to  come,  clear  before  mine  eyes. 

256.  But  I  had  no  sooner  began  to  recall  to 
mind  my  former  experience  of  the  goodness  of 
God  to  my  soul,  but  there  came  flocking  into 
my  mind  an  innumerable  company  of  my  sins 
and  transgressions  ;  amongst"which,  these  were 
at  this  time  most  to  my  affliction,  namely,  my 
deadness,  dullness,  and  coldness  in  my  holy  du- 
ties ;  my  wanderings  of  heart,  my  wearisome- 
ness  in  all  good  things,  my  want  of  love  to 
God,  his  ways  and  people  ;  Vv^ith  this  at  the  end 
of  all,  "  Are  these  the  fruits  of  Christianity  ? 
Are  these  the  tokens  of  a  blessed  man  ?" 

257.  At  the  apprehensions  of  these  things, 
my  sickness  was  doubled  upon  me  ;  for  now  I 
was  sick  in  my  inward  man,  my  soul  was 
clogged  with  guilt ;  now  also  were  n)y  former 

11* 


126  BUNYAN'S 

experiences  of  God's  goodness  to  me  quite  taken 
out  of  my  mind,  and  hid  as  if  they  had  never 
been,  or  seen  :  now  was  my  soul  greatly  pitched 
between  these  two  considerations,  "  l^ive  I  must 
not ;  die  1  dare  not :"  now  I  sunk  and  fell  in 
my  spirit,  and  was  giving  up  all  for  lost ;  but  as 
I  was  walking  up  and  down  in  the  house,  as  a 
man  in  a  most  woful  state,  that  word  of  God 
took  hold  of  my  heart,  "Ye  are  justified  freely 
b)^  his  grace,  through  the  redemption  that  is  in 
Christ  Jesus."*  But  oh  !  what  a  turn  it  made 
upon  me  ! 

258.  Now  was  I  as  one  awaked  out  of  some 
troublesome  sleep  and  dream  ;  and  listening  to 
this  heavenly  sentence,  I  was  as  if  1  had  heard 
it  thus  spoken  to  me  :  "  Sinner,  thou  thinkest, 
that  because  of  thy  sins  and  infirmities,  I  can- 
not save  thy  soul :  but  behold,  my  Son  is  by 
me,  and  upon  him  I  look,  and  not  on  thee  ;  and 
shall  deal  with  thee  according  as  I  am  pleased 
with  him."  At  this  I  was  greatly  enlightened 
in  my  mind,  and  made  to  understand,  that 
God  could  justify  a  sinner  at  any  time  ;  it  was 
but  his  looking  upon  Christ,  and  imputing  of 
his  benefits  to  us,  and  the  work  was  forthwith 
done. 

259.  And  as  I  was  thus  in  a  muse,  that 
scripture  also  came  witli  great  power  upon  my 
spirit,  "  Not  by  works  of  righteousness  that  we 
have  done,  but  according  to  his  mercy  he  hath 
saved  us;"t  and  so  forth.  Now  was  I  got  on 
high  ;  I  saw  myself  within  the  arms  of  grace 

*  Rom.  iii.  24.  +  2  Tim.  i.  9  ;  Tit.  iii.  5. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  127 

and  mercy  ;  and  tliough  I  was  before  afraid  to 
think  of  a  dyinu^  hour,  yet  now  I  cried,  "Let 
nie  die  :"  now  death  was  lovely  and  beautiful 
in  my  sioht ;  for  I  saw,  "  We  shall  never  live 
indeed,  till  we  be  orone  to  the  other  world." 
Oh  !  methou^ht,  this  life  is  but  a  slumber,  in 
comparison  with  that  above.  At  this  time  also 
I  saw  more  in  these  words,  "  Heirs  of  God,"* 
than  ever  I  shall  be  able  to  express  while  I 
live  in  this  world :  "  Heirs  of  God  !"  God  him- 
self is  the  portion  of  the  saints.  This  I  saw, 
and  wondered  at ;  but  cannot  tell  you  what  I 
saw. 

260.  Ai^ain,  as  I  was  at  another  tune  very 
ill  and  weak,  all  that  time  also  the  tempter  did 
beset  me  strongly  ;  (for  I  find  he  is  much  for 
assaultin,?  the  soul ;  when  it  begins  to  approach 
towards  the  grave,  then  is  his  opportunity  •)  la- 
bourins:  to  hide  from  me  my  former  experience 
of  God\  goodness  ;  also  setting  before  me  the 
terrors  of  death,  and  the  judgment  of  God  ; 
insomuch  that  at  this  time,  through  my  fear  of 
miscarrvins:  for  ever  (should  I  now  die),  I  was 
as  one  dead  before  death  came,  and  was  as  if  I 
had  felt  myself  already  descending  into  the  pit; 
methought  I  said,  there  was  no  way,  but  to  hell 
I  ,-nnst:— but  behold,  just  as  I  was  in  the  midst 
of  those  fears,  these  words,  "of  the  angel's  car- 
rying Lazarus  into  Abraham's  bosom,"  darted 
in  upon  me  ;  as  who  should  say,  "  So  it  shall 
be  with  thee  when  thou  dost  leave  this  world." 
This  did  sweetly  revive  my  spirits,  and  help  me 

*  Rom.  viii.  17. 


128  BUNYAN'S 

to  hope  in  God ;  which  when  I  had  with  com- 
fort mused  on  a  while,  that  word  fell  witli  great 
weight  upon  my  mind,  "  O  death  !  Avhere  is 
thy  sting  ?  O  grave  !  where  is  thy  victory  V'* 
At  this,  I  became  both  well  in  body  and  mind 
at  once ;  for  my  sickness  did  presently  vanish, 
and  I  walked  comfortably  in  my  work  for  God 
again. 

261.  At  another  timey  though  just  before  I 
was  pretty  well  and  savoury  in  my  spirit,  yet 
suddenly  there  fell  upon  me  a  great  cloud  of 
darkness,  w^hich  did  so  hide  from  me  the  things 
of  God  and  Christ,  that  I  was  as  if  I  had  never 
seen  or  known  them  in  my  life.  I  was  also  so 
overrun  in  my  soul  with  a  senseless  heartless 
frame  of  spirit,  that  I  could  not  feel  my  soul  to 
move  or  stir  after  grace  and  life  by  Christ ;  I 
was  as  if  my  loins  were  broken,  or  as  if  my 
hands  and  feet  had  been  tied  or  bound  with 
chains.  At  this  time  also  I  felt  some  Aveakness 
to  seize  upon  my  outward  man,  which  made 
still  the  other  affliction  the  more  heavy  and  un- 
comfortable to  me. 

262.  After  I  had  been  in  this  condition  some 
three  or  four  days,  as  I  was  sitting  by  the  fire, 
I  suddenly  felt  this  word  to  sound  in  my  heart, 
"  1  must  go  to  Jesus !"  At  this,  my  former 
darkness  and  atheism  fled  away,  and  the  blessed 
things  of  heaven  were  set  in  my  view.  While 
I  w^as  on  this  sudden  thus  overtaken  with  sur- 
prise, "Wife  (said  I),  is  there  ever  such  a  scrip- 
ture, I  must  go  to  Jesus  ?"     She  said  she  could 

*  1  Cor.  XV.  55. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  l29 

not  tell:  therefore  I  stood  musing  still,  to  see  if 
I  could  remember  such  a  place.  I  had  not  sat 
above  two  or  three  minutes,  but  that  came  bolt- 
ing it)  upon  me,  "And  to  an  innumerable  com- 
pany of  angels  ;"*  and  withal  the  12th  chapter 
of  Hebrews,  about  the  Mount  Sion,t  was  set 
before  mine  eyes. 

263.  Then  with  joy  I  told  my  wife,  "  O  ! 
now^  I  know,  I  know  !"  But  that  night  was  a 
good  night  to  me,  I  had  never  had  but  few 
better ;  I  longed  for  the  company  of  some  of 
God's  people,  that  I  might  have  imparted  unto 
them  what  God  had  showed  me.  Christ  was 
a  precious  Christ  to  my  soul  that  night ;  I  could 
scarce  lie  in  my  bed  for  joy,  and  peace,  and 
triumph,  through  Christ !  This  great  glory  did 
not  continue  upon  me  until  morning ;  yet  the  12th 
chapter  of  the  epistle  to  the  Hebrewst  was  a 
blessed  scripture  to  me  for  many  days  together 
after  this. 

264.  The  words  are  these  :  "  Ye  are  come 
to  Mount  Sion,  the  city  of  the  living  God,  to 
the  heavenly  Jerusalem,  and  to  an  innumerable 
company  of  angels,  to  the  general  assembly 
and  church  of  the  first-born,  which  are  written 
in  heaven  ;  to  God  the  Judge  of  all,  and  to  the 
spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect,  and  to  Jesus 
tlie  Mediator  of  the  New  Testament,  and  to 
the  blood  of  sprinkling,  that  speaketh  better 
things  than  that  of  Abel."  Through  this  sen- 
tence the  Lord  led  me  over  and   over,  first  to 

*  Hob.  xii.  2-2.  t  See  ver.  52,  23,  21. 

;  Verses  22,  23,  and  24,  of  that  chapter. 


130  BUNYAN'S 

this  word,  and  then  to  that,  and  showed  me 
vvondeiful  glory  in  every  one  of  them.  These 
words  also  have  oft,  since  that  time,  been  great 
refreshment  to  my  spirit.  Blessed  be  God  for 
having  mercy  on  me  ! 


BRIEF    ACCOUNT 

OP 

THE    AUTHOR'S 

CALL  TO  THE  WORK  OF  THE  MINISTRY. 

265.  And  now  T  am  speaking  my  experience, 
I  will  in  this  place  thrust  in  a  word  or  two  con- 
cerning my  preaching  the  word,  and  of  God's 
dealing  with  me  in  that  particular  also.  After 
I  had  been  about  five  or  six  years  awakened, 
and  helped  myself  to  see  both  the  want  and 
worth  of  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord,  and  also  enabled 
to  venture  my  soul  upon  him,  some  of  the  most 
able  among  the  saints  with  us,  I  say,  the  most 
able  for  judgment  and  holiness  of  hfe,  as  they 
conceived,  did  perceive  that  God  had  counted 
me  worthy  to  understand  something  of  his  will 
in  his  lioly  and  blessed  word,  and  had  given 
me  utterance,  in  some  measure,  to  express  wfiat 
I  saw  to  others,  for  edification  :  therefore  they 
desired  me,  and  that  with  much  earnestness, 


GILICE  ABOUNDINa  131 

lliat  I  would  be  willing,  at  some  times,  to  take 
in  hand,  in  one  of  the  meetings,  to  speak  a  word 
of  exhortation  unto  them. 

2(H).  The  which  though  at  the  first  it  did 
much  dash  and  abash  my  spirit,  yet  being  still 
by  them  desired  and  entreated,  I  consented  to 
their  request ;  and  did  twice  at  two  several  assem- 
blies (but  in  private.)  though  with  much  weak- 
ness and  infirmity,  discover  my  gift  amongst 
them  ;  at  v/hich  they  not  only  seemed  to  be, 
but  did  frequently  protest,  as  in  the  sight  of  the 
great  God,  they  were  both  affected  and  com- 
forted ;  and  gave  thanks  to  the  Father  of  mer- 
cies for  the  grace  bestowed  on  me.  ' 

267.  After  this,  sometimes,  when  some  of 
them  did  go  into  the  country  to  teach,  they 
would  also  that  1  should  go  with  them  ;  where, 
though  as  yet  I  did  not,  nor  durst  not,  make 
use  of  my  gift  in  an  open  way.  yet  more  pri- 
vately, still,  as  I  came  amongst  the  good  people 
m  those  places,  I  did  sometimes  speak  a  word 
of  admonition  unto  them  also :  the  which  they, 
as  the  other,  received  with  rejoicing  at  the  mercy 
of  God  to  me-ward,  professing  their  souls  were 
edified  thereby. 

268.  Wherefore,  to  be  brief:  at  last,  being 
still  desired  by  the  church,  after  some  solemn 
prayer  to  the  Lord,  with  fasting,  I  was  more 
particularly  called  forth,  and  appointed  to  a 
more  ordinary  and  public  preaching  of  the  word ; 
not  only  to  and  amongst  them  that  believed,  but 
also  to  offer  the  gospel  to  those  who  had  not  yet 
received  the  faith  thereof ;  about  which  time  I 


132  BUNYAN'S 

did  evidently  find  in  my  mind  a  secret  pricking 
forward  thereto ;  though,  I  bless  God,  not  for 
desiie  of  vain-glory  ;  for  at  that  time  I  was  most 
sorely  afflicted  with  the  fiery  darts  of  the  devil 
concerning  my  eternal  state. 

269.  But  yet  I  could  not  be  content,  unless  I 
was  found  in  the  exercise  of  my  gift ;  unto 
which  also  I  was  greatly  animated,  not  only  by 
the  continual  desires  of  the  godly,  but  also  by 
that  saying  of  Paul  to  the  Corinthians,''  I  be- 
seech you,  brethren  (ye  know^  the  household  of 
Stephanus,  that  it  is  the  first-fruits  of  Achaia, 
and  that  they  have  addicted  themselves  to  the 
ministry  of  the  saints,)  that  ye  submit  yourselves 
unto  such,  and  to  every  one  that  helpeth  with 
us,  and  laboureth." 

270.  By  this  text,  I  was  made  to  see  that  the 
Holy  Ghost  never  intended  that  men  who  have 
gifts  and  abilities  should  bury  them  in  the  earth  ; 
but  rather  did  command  and  stir  up  such  to 
the  exercise  of  their  gift,  and  also  did  commend 
those  that  were  apt  and  ready  so  to  do.  "  They 
have  addicted  themselves  to  the  ministry  of  the 
saints.*'  This  scripture,  in  these  days,  did  con- 
tinually run  in  my  mind,  to  encourage  me,  and 
to  strengthen  me  in  this  my  w^ork  for  God  ;  I 
have  also  been  encouraged  from  several  other 
scriptures  and  examples  of  the  godly,  both  spe- 
cified in  the  word,  and  other  ancient  histories.'! 

*  Chap.  xvi.  \er.  15,  16. 
t  The  passages  of  scripture  here  alludtd  to  by  the  autiior 
are  the  following :  Acts  iii.  4.  and  xviii.  24,  25  ;  Rom.  xii.  6 ; 
and  1  Pet.  iv.  10.     The  history  that  he  mentions  is  Fox's 
"  Acts  and  Monuments." 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  133 

271.  Wherefore,  though  of  myself  of  all  the 
saints  the  most  unworthy,  yet  I,  but  with  great 
fear  and  trembling  at  the  sight  of  my  own 
weakness,  did  set  upon  the  work,  and  did,  ac- 
cording to  my  gift,  and  the  proportion  of  my 
faith,  preach  that  blessed  gospel  that  God  has 
showed  me  in  the  holy  word  of  truth  :  which 
when  the  country  understood,  they  came  in  to 
hear  the  word  by  hundreds,  and  that  from  all 
parts,  though  upon  divers  and  sundry  accounts. 

272.  And  I  thank  God,  he  gave  unto  me  some 
measure  of  bowels  and  pity  for  their  souls  ;  which 
also  did  put  me  forward  to  labour,  with  great 
dihgence  and  earnestness,  to  find  out  such  a 
word  as  might,  if  God  would  bless  it,  lay  hold 
of,  and  awaken  the  conscience  ;  in  which  also 
the  good  Lord  had  respect  to  the  desire  of  his 
servant :  for  I  had  not  preached  long,  before 
some  began  to  be  touched,  and  be  greatly  af- 
flicted in  their  minds  at  the  apprehension  of  the 
greatness  of  their  sin,  and  of  their  need  of  Jesus 
Christ. 

273.  But  I  first  could  not  believe  that  God 
should  speak  by  me  to  the  heart  of  any  man, 
still  counting  myself  unworthy  :  yet  those  who 
were  thus  touched  would  love  me,  and  have  a 
particular  respect  for  me  ;  and  though  I  did  put 
it  from  me,  that  they  should  be  awakened  by 
me,  still  they  would  confess  it,  and  affirm  it 
before  the  saints  of  God ,  they  would  also  bless 
God  for  me,  (unworthy  wretch  that  I  am  !)  and 
count  me  God's  instrument  that  showed  to  them 
the  way  of  salvation. 

12 


134  BUNYAN'S 

274.  Wherefore  seeing  them  in  both  their 
words  and  deeds  to  be  so  constant,  and  also  in 
their  hearts  so  earnestly  pressing  after  the  know- 
ledge of  Jesus  Christ,  rejoicing  that  ever  God  did 
send  me  where  they  were  :  then  I  began  to  con- 
clude it  might  be  so,  that  God  had  owned  m  his 
work  such  a  foolish  one  as  I :  and  then  came 
that  word  of  God  to  my  heart,  with  much  sweet 
refreshment,  "  The  blessing  of  them  that  are 
ready  to  perish  is  come  upon  me  ;  yea,  I  caused 
the  widow's  heart  to  sing  for  joy."* 

275.  At  this,  therefore,  I  rejoiced ;  yea,  the 
tears  of  those  whom  God  did  awaken  by  my 
preaching  would  be  both  solace  and  encou- 
ragement to  me :  I  thought  on  those  sayings, 
"  Who  is  he  that  maketh  me  glad,  but  the 
same  that  is  made  sorry  by  me?"t  And 
again,  "  Though  I  be  not  an  apostle  to  others, 
yet  doubtless  I  am  unto  you,  for  the  seal  of  my 
apostleship  are  ye  in  the  Lord."t  These  things, 
therefore,  were  as  another  argument  unto  me, 
that  God  had  called  me  to,  and  stood  by  me  in 
this  work. 

•  276.  In  my  preaching  of  the  word,  I  took 
special  notice  of  this  one  thing,  namely,  that 
the  Lord  did  lead  me  to  begin  where  his  word 
begins  with  sinners  ;  that  is,  to  condemn  all 
flesh,  and  to  open  and  allege,  that  the  curse  of 
God  by  the  law  doth  belong  to,  and  lay  hold 
on,  all  men  as  they  come  into  the  world,  be- 
cause of  sin.     Now  this  part  of  my  work  I  ful- 

*  Job  xxix.  13.  t  2  Cor.  ii.  2. 

i  1  Cor.  ix.  2. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  135 

filled  with  great  sense  :*  for  the  terrors  of  the 
law,  and  guilt  for  my  transgressions,  lay  heavy 
on  my  conscience  :  I  preached  what  I  felt,  what 
1  smartingly  did  feel,  even  that  under  wliich 
my  poor  soul  did  groan  and  tremble  to  astonish- 
ment. 

277.  Indeed,  I  have  been  as  one  sent  to  them 
from  the  dead  ;  I  went  myself  in  chains,  to 
preach  to  them  in  chains,  and  carried  that  fire 
in  my  own  conscience,  that  I  persuaded  them 
to  be  aware  of  I  can  truly  say,  and  that  with- 
out dissembling,  that  when  I  have  been  to  preach, 
I  have  gone  full  of  guilt  and  terror  even  to  the 
pulpit-door ;  and  there  it  hath  been  taken  off", 
and  I  liave  been  at  liberty  in  my  mind  until  I 
have  done  my  work  ;  and  then  immediately, 
even  before  1  could  get  down  the  pulpit-stairs, 
I  have  been  as  bad  as  I  was  before  :  yet  God 
carried  me  on,  but  surely  with  a  strong  hand, 
for  neither  guilt  nor  hell  could  take  me  off*  my 
work. 

278.  Thus  I  went  on  for  the  space  of  two 
years,  crying  out  against  men's  sins,  and  their 
fearful  state  because  of  them.  After  which,  the 
Lord  came  in  upon  my  own  soul,  with  some 
sure  peace  and  comfort  through  Christ :  for  he 
did  give  me  many  sweet  discoveries  of  his  blessed 
grace  through  him.  Wherefore  now  I  altered 
in  my  preaching  (for  still  I  preached  what  I 
saw  and  felt ;)  now  therefore  I  did  mucli  labour 
to  hold  with  Jesus  Christ  in  all  his  offices,  re- 
lations, and  benefits  unto  the  w^orld  :  and  did 

*  i.  e«  experimental  feeling. 


136  BUNYAN'S 

strive  also  to  discover,  to  condemn,  and  remove 
those  false  supports  and  props,  ,on  which  the 
world  doth  both  lean,  and  by  them  fall  and 
perish.  On  these  things  also  I  staid  as  long 
as  on  the  other. 

279.  After  this,  God  led  me  into  something 
of  the  mystery  of  the  union  of  Christ :  where- 
fore that  I  discovered  and  showed  to  them  also. 
And  when  I  had  travelled  tli rough  these  three 
chief  points  of  the  w^ord  of  God,  about  the  space 
of  five  years  or  more,  I  was  caught  in  my  pre- 
sent practice  and  cast  into  prison,  where  I  have 
lain  above  as  long  again  to  confirm  the  truth 
by  way  of  suflering,  as  I  was  before  in  testify- 
ing of  it  according  to  the  Scriptures,  in  a  way 
of  preaching. 

280.  When  I  have  been  preaching,  I  thank 
God  my  heart  hath  often,  all  the  time  of  this 
and  the  other  exercise,  with  great  earnestness 
cried  to  God  that  he  would  make  the  work  ef- 
fectual to  the  salvation  of  my  soul ;  still  being 
grieved  lest  the  enemy  should  take  the  word 
away  from  the  conscience,  and  so  it  should  be- 
come unfruitful :  wherefore  I  should  labour  to 
speak  the  word,  as  that  thereby,  if  it  were  possi- 
ble, the  sin  and  person  guilty  might  be  par- 
ticularized by  it. 

^1.  Also  when  I  have  done  the  exercise,  it 
hath  gone  to  my  heart,  to  think  the  word  should 
now  fall  as  rain  on  stony  places  ;  still  wishing 
from  my  heart,  "  Oh  !  that  they  who  have  heard 
me  speak  this  day  did  but  see  as  I  do,  what  sin, 
death,  hell,  and  the  curse  of  God  is  ;  and  also 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  137 

what  the  grace,  and  love,  and  mercy  of  God  is, 
through  Christ,  to  men  in  such  a  case  as  they 
are,  wlio  are  yet  estranged  hom  him  !"  And 
indeed,  I  did  often  say  in  my  lieart  before  the 
Lord,  "  That  if  to  be  hanged  up  presently  l)efore 
their  eyes  woukl  be  a  means  to  awaken  them, 
and  confirm  them  in  tire  truth,  I  gladly  should 
be  contented." 

282.  For  I  have  been  in  my  preaching,  (espe- 
cially when  I  have  been  engaged  in  the  doctrine 
of  life  by  Christ,  without  works,)  as  if  an  angel 
of  God  had  stood  by  at  my  back  to  encourage 
me.  Oh  !  it  hath  been  with  such  power  and 
heavenly  evidence  upon  my  own  soul,  while  I 
have  been  labouring  to  unfold  it,  to  demonstrate 
it,  and  to  fasten  it  upon  the  consciences  of  otliers, 
that  I  could  not  be  contented  with  saying,  "  I 
believe  and  am  sure ;"  methought  I  was  more 
than  sure  (if  it  be  lawful  so  to  express  myself) 
that  those  things  which  then  I  asserted  were 
true. 

283.  When  I  first  went  to  preach  the  word 
abroad,  the  doctors  and  priests  of  the  country 
did  open  wide  against  me  :  but  I  was  persuaded 
of  this,  '•  not  to  render  railing  for  railing  ;"  but 
*o  see  how  many  of  their  carnal  professors  I 
could  convince  of  their  miserable  state  by  the 
law.  and  of  the  want  and  worth  of  Christ:  for, 
thought  I,  "  This  shall  answer  for  me  in  time 
to  come,  when  they  shall  be  for  my  hire  before 
their  face.* 

284.  I  never  cared  to  meddle  with  things  that 

♦  See  Gen.  xxx.  o3. 

12* 


138  BUNYAN'S 

were  controverted  and  in  dispute  among  the 
saints  ;  especially  things  of  the  lowest  nature  : 
yet  it  pleased  me  much  to  contend  with  great 
earnestness  for  the  word  of  faith,  and  the  remis- 
sion of  sins  by  the  death  and  sufferings  of 
Jesus :  but,  I  say,  as  to  other  things,  I  would 
let  them  alone,  because  I  saw  they  engendered 
strife  ;  and  because,  that  they,  neither  in  doing, 
nor  in  leaving  undone,  did  commend  us  to  God 
to  be  his :  besides,  I  saw  my  work  before  me 
did  run  into  another  channel,  even  to  carry  an 
awakening  w^ord  :  to  that  therefore  I  did  stick 
and  adhere. 

285.  I  never  endeavoured  to.  nor  durst,  make 
use  of  other  men's  lines*  (though  I  do  not  con- 
demn all  that  do) ;  for  I  verily  thought,  and 
found  by  experience,  that  what  was  taught  me 
by  the  word  and  Spirit  of  Christ  could  be 
spoken,  maintained,  and  stood  to,  by  the 
soundest  and  best  established  conscience :  and 
though  I  will  not  now  speak  all  that  I  know  in 
this  matter,  yet  my  experience  hath  more  in- 
terest in  that  text  of  scripture,!  than  many 
amongst  men  are  aAvare. 

286.  If  any  of  those  who  were  awakened  by 
my  ministry  did  after  that  fall  back  (as  some- 
times too  many  did),  I  can  truly  say,  their  loss 
hath  been  more  to  me,  than  if  my  own  chil- 
dren,   begotten  of  my   own   body,    had    been 

*  See  Rom.  xv.  18,  &c. 

+  Galatians,  chap.  i.  ver.  11,  12.— "  But  I  certify  you,  breth- 
ren, that  the  Go.spcl  which  was  preached  of  me  is  not  of  man: 
for  I  neither  received  it  of  man,  neither  was  I  taught  it,  but 
by  the  revelation  of  Jesus  Christ." 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  139 

going  to  their  grave  : — I  think  verily,  I  may 
speak  it  without  any  offence  to  the  Lord,  no- 
thing has  gone  so  near  me  as  that :  unless  it 
waslhe  fear  of  the  loss  of  the  salvation  of  my 
own  soul.  I  have  counted  as  if  I  had  goodly 
buildinsrs  and  lordships  in  those  places  where 
my  children  were  born  ;  my  heart  hath  been  so 
wrapped  up  in  the  glory  of  this  excellent  work, 
that  1  counted  myself  more  blessed  and  hon- 
oured of  God  by  this,  than  if  he  had  made  me 
the  emperor  of  "the  Christian  world,  or  the  lord 
of  all  the  glory  of  the  earth  without  it !  O 
these  words  !  "'''  He  that  converteth  a  sinner 
from  the  error  of  his  way,  doth  save  a  soul  from 
death."*  "  The  fruit  oY  the  righteous  is  a  tree 
of  life;  and  he  that  winneth  souls  is  wise."! 
"  They  that  be  wise  shall  shine  as  the  bright- 
ness of  the  firmament;  and  they  that  turn 
many  to  righteousness,  as  the  stars  for  ever  and 
even"t  "  For  what  is  our  hope,  our  joy,  or 
crown  of  rejoicing?  Are  not  even  ye  in  the 
presence  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ  at  his  com- 
ing? For  ye  are  our  glory  and  joy."§  These, 
I  say,  with  many  others  of  a  like  nature,  have 
been  great  refreshments  to  me. 

287.  I  have  observed,  that  where  I  have  had 
a  work  to  do  for  God,  I  have  had  first,  as  it 
were,  the  going  of  God  upon  my  spirit,  to  desire 
I  misrht  preach  there:  I  have  also  observed, 
that  such  and  such  souls  in  particular  have  been 
strongly  set  upon  my  heart,  and  I  stirred  up  to 

*  James  v.  20.  t  Prov.  xi.  30. 

i  Dan.  xii.  3.  §  1  Thcss.  ii.  19,  20. 


140  BUNYAN'S 

wish  for  their  salvation  ;  and  that  these  veiy 
souls  have,  after  this,  been  given  in  as  the  fruits 
of  my  ministry.  I  have  observed,  that  a  word 
cast  in  by-the-by,  hath  done  more  execution  in 
a  sermon,  than  all  that  was  spoken  besides  : 
sometimes  also,  when  I  have  thought  I  did  no 
good,  then  1  did  the  most  of  all :  and  at  other 
limes,  when  I  thought  I  should  catch  them,  I 
have  fished  for  nothing. 

288.  I  have  also  observed,  that  where  there 
has  been  a  work  to  do  upon  sinners,  there  the 
devil  hath  begun  to  roar  in  the  hearts  and  by 
the  mouths  of  his  servants ;  yea,  oftentimes, 
when  the  wicked  world  hath  raged  most,  there 
have  been  souls  awakened  by  the  word:  I 
could  instance  particulars,  but  I  forbear. 

289.  My  great  desire  in  my  fulfilling  my  min- 
istry was  to  get  into  the  darkest  places  of  the 
country,  even  amongst  those  people  that  were 
farthest  off  of  profession ;  yet  not  because  I 
could  not  endure  the  light  (for  I  feared  not  to 
show  my  gospel  to  any),  but  because  I  found 
my  spirit  did  lean  most  after  awakening  and 
converting  work ;  and  the  word  that  I  carried 
did  lean  itself  most  that  way  also :  "  Yea,  so 
have  I  strived  to  preach  the  gospel,  not  where 
Christ  was  named,  lest  I  should  build  upon 
another  man's  foundation."* 

290.  In  my  preaching,  I  have  really  been  in 
pain,  and  have,  as  it  were,  travailed  to  bring 
forth  children  to  God  ;  neither  could  I  be  satis- 
fied unless  some  fruits  did  appear  in  my  work. 

*  Rom.  XV.  20. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  141 

li*  I  were  fruitless,  it  mattered  not  who  com- 
mended me  ;  but  if  I  were  fruitful,  I  cared  not 
who  did  condemn.  I  have  thought  of  that : 
^'Lo!  children  are  an  heritage  of  tlie  Lord: 
and  the  fruit  of  the  womb  is  his  reward.  As 
arrows  in  the  hand  of  a  mighty  man  ;  so  are 
children  of  the  youth.  Happy  is  the  man  that 
hath  filled  his  quiver  full  of  them  :  they  shall 
not  be  ashamed,  but  they  shall  speak  with  the 
enemies  in  the  gate."* 

291.  It  pleased  me  notliing  to  see  people 
drink  in  my  opinions,  if  they  seemed  ignorant 
of  Jesus  Christ,  and  the  worth  of  their  own  sal- 
vation :  sound  conviction  for  sin,  especially  un- 
belief, and  a  heart  set  on  fire  to  be  saved  by 
Christ,  with  strong  breathings  after  a  truly 
sanctified  soul,  that  it  was  that  delighted  me  ; 
those  were  the  souls  I  counted  blessed. 

292.  But  in  this  work,  as  in  all  other,  I  had 
my  temptations  attending  me,  and  that  of  divers 
kinds  ;  as  sometimes,  I  should  be  assaulted  with 
great  discouragement  therein,  fearing  that  I 
should  not  be  able  to  speak  a  word  at  all  to  edi- 
fication ;  nay,  that  I  should  not  be  able  to  speak 
sense  to  the  people  ;  at  which  times  I  should 
have  such  a  strange  faintness  and  strength- 
lessness  seize  upon  my  body,  that  my  legs 
have  scarce  been  able  to  carry  me  to  the  place 
of  exercise. 

293.  Sometimes  again,  when  I  have  been 
preaching,  I  have  been  violently  assaulted  with 
thoughts  of  blasphemy,  and  strongly  tempted  to 

*  Psalm  cxivii.  3.  4,  5. 


142  BUNYAN'S 

speak  the  words  with  my  mouth  before  the  con- 
gregation. I  have  also  at  sometimes,  even 
when  I  have  begun  to  speak  the  word  with 
much  clearness,  evidence,  and  liberty  of  speech, 
yet  been,  before  the  ending  of  that  opportunity, 
so  blinded  and  so  estranged  from  the  things  I 
have  been  speaking,  and  have  been  also  so 
straitened  in  my  speech  as  to  utterance  before 
the  people,  that  I  have  been  as  if  I  had  not 
known,  or  remembered  what  I  have  been  about : 
or  as  if  my  head  had  been  in  a  bag  all  the  time 
of  my  exercise. 

294.  Again,  when  as  sometimes  I  have  been 
about  to  preach  upon  some  smart  and  searching 
portion  of  the  word,  I  have  found  the  tempter 
suggest,  "  What !  will  you  preach  this  !  This 
condemns  yourself;  of  this  your  own  soul  is 
guilty  :  wherefore  preach  not  of  this  at  all :  or 
if  you  do,  yet  so  mince  it,  as  to  make  way  for 
3'our  own  escape ;  lest,  instead  of  awakening 
others,  you  lay  that  guilt  upon  your  own  soul^ 
that  you  will  never  get  from  under." 

295.  But  I  thank  the  Lord,  I  have  been  kept 
from  consenting  to  these  so  horrid  suggestions, 
and  have  rather,  as  Samson,  bowed  myself  with 
all  my  might,  to  condemn  sin  and  transgres- 
sion wherever  I  found  it ;  yea,  though  therein 
also  I  did  bring  guilt  upon  my  own  conscience: 
''  Let  me  die  (thought  I)  with  the  Philistines,' 
rather  than  deal  corruptly  with  the  blessed 
word  of  God.  Thou  that  teachest  another, 
teachest  not  thou  thyself?     It  is  far  better  that 

*  Judges  xvi.  29,  30. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  143 

Oiou  dost  judge  thyself,  even  by  preacning 
plainly  unto  others,  than  thou,  to  save  thyself, 
imprison  the  trutli  in  unrig:hteousness."  Blessed 
be  God  for  help  in  this  also. 

29G.  I  have  also,  while  found  in  this  blessed 
work  of  Christ,  been  often  tempted  to  pride  and 
liftings-up  of  heart ;  and  though  1  dare  not  say 
1  have  not  been  afiected  with  this,  yet  truly  the 
Lord,  of  his  precious  mercy,  hath  so  carried  it 
towards  me,  that  for  the  most  part  I  have  had 
but  small  joy  to  give  w^ay  to  such  a  thing  :  for 
it  hath  been  my  every  day's  portion  to  be  let 
into  the  evil  of  my  own  heart,  and  still  made  to 
see  such  a  multitude  of  corruptions  and  infirmi- 
ties therein,  that  it  hath  caused  hanging  down 
of  the  head  under  all  my  gifts  and  attainments; 
I  have  felt  this  thorn  in  the  flesh,*  the  very 
mercy  of  God  to  me. 

297.  I  have  also  had,  together  with  this, 
some  notable  place  or  other  of  the  word  pre- 
sented before  me  ;  which  word  hath  contained 
in  it  some  sharp  and  piercing  sentence  concern- 
ing the  perishing  of  the  soul,  notwithstanding 
gifts  and  parts :  as  for  instance,  that  hath  been 
of  great  use  to  me,  "  Though  I  speak  with  the 
tongues  of  men  and  angels,  and  have  not 
charity,  I  am  become  as  sounding  brass,  and  a 
tinkling  cymbal.''t 

298.  A  tinkling  cymbal  is  an  instrument  of 
music,  with  which  a  skilful  player  can  make 
such  melodious  and  heart-inflaming  music,  that 
all  who  hear  him  play,  can  scarcel}'  hold  from 

♦  2  Cor.  xii.  7.  t  1  Cor.  xiii.  1,2. 


144  BUNYAN'S 

dancing- :  and  yet  behold,  the  cymbal  hath  no! 
life,  neither  comes  the  music  from  it,  but  be- 
cause of  the  art  of  him  that  plays  therewith  : 
so  then  the  instrument  at  last  may  come  to 
nought  and  perish,  though  in  times  past  such 
music  hath  been  made  upon  it. 

299.  Just  thus  I  saw  it  was,  and  will  be,  with 
them  that  h  ive  gifts,  but  want  saving  grace  : 
they  are,  in  the  hand  of  Christ,  as  the  cymbal 
in  the  hand  of  David ;  and  as  David  could 
with  the  cymbal  make  that  mirth  in  the  service 
of  God,  as  to  elevate  the  hearts  of  the  Avorship- 
pers ;  so  Christ  can  use  these  gifted  men,  as 
with  them  to  effect  the  souls  of  his  people  in  his 
church  ;  yet,  when  he  hath  done  all,  hang- 
them  by,  as  lifeless,  though  sounding  cymbals, 

300o  This  consideration  therefore,  together 
with  some  others,  were,  for  the  most  part,  as  a 
maul  on  the  head  of  pride,  and  desire  of  vain- 
glory. "  What !  (thought  I)  shall  I  be  proud  be- 
cause I  am  a  sounding  brass  ?  Is  it  so  much 
to  be  a  fiddle  ?  Hath  not  the  least  creature 
that  hath  life  more  of  God  in  it  than  these  ?" 
Besides,  I  knew  it  was  love  should  never  die  ; 
but  these  must  cease  and  vanish  :  so  I  con- 
cluded, a  little  grace,  a  little  love,  a  little  of  the 
true  fear  of  God,  is  better  than  all  the  gifts  : 
yea,  and  I  am  fully  convinced  of  it,  that  it  is 
possible  for  souk  that  can  scarce  give  a  man  an 
answer,  but  with  great  confusion  as  to  method ; 
I  say,  it  is  as  possible  for  them  to  have  a  thou- 
sand times  more  grace  (and  so  to  be  more  in 
the  love  and  favour  of  the  Lord)  than  some 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  145 

who,  by  the  virtue  of  the  gift  of  knowledge, 
can  dehver  themselves  like  angels. 

301.  Thus  therefore  1  came  to  perceive,  that 
though  gifts  in  themselves  were  good,  to  the 
thing  for  which  they  are  designed,  to  wit,  the 
edification  of  others,  yet  empty,  and  without 
power  to  save  the  soul  of  him  that  hath  them, 
if  they  be  alone.  Neither  are  they,  as  so,  any 
sign  of  a  man's  state  to  be  happy,  being  only 
a  dispensation  of  God  to  some,  of  whose  improve- 
ment, or  non-improvement,  they  must,  when  a 
little  love  more  is  over,  give  an  account  to  Him 
that  is  ready  to  judge  the  quick  and  the  dead. 

302.  This  showed  me  too,  that  gifts,  being 
alone,  were  dangerous,  not  in  themselves,  but 
because  of  those  evils  that  attend  them  that 
have  them,  to  wit,  pride,  desire  of  vain-glory, 
self-conceit,  vfec. ;  all  which  were  easily  blown 
up  at  the  applause  and  commendation  of  every 
unadvised  Christian,  to  the  endangering  of  a 
poor  creature  to  fall  into  the  condemnation  of 
the  devil. 

303.  I  saw  therefore  that  he  that  hath  gifts 
had  need  to  be  let  into  a  sight  of  the  nature 
of  them ;  to  w^t,  that  they  come  short  of  ma- 
king of  him  to  be  in  a  truly  saved  condition, 
lest  he  rest  in  them,  and  so  fall  short  of  the 
grace  of  God. 

304.  He  hath  cause  also  to  walk  humbly 
with  God,  and  be  little  in  his  own  eyes,  and  to 
remember  withal  that  his  gifts  are  not  his  own, 
but  the  church's  ;  and  that  by  them  he  is  made 
a  servant  to  the  church,  and  he  must  give  at 

13 


146  BUNYAN'S 

last  an  account  of  his  stewardsliip  unto  tl;e 
Lord  Jesus  ;  and  to  give  a  good  account  will  be 
a  blessed  thing. 

305.  Let  all  men,  therefore,  prize  a  little,  with 
the  fear  of  the  Lord  (gifts  indeed  are  desirable  :) 
but  yet  great  grace  and  small  gifts  are  better 
than  great  gifts  and  no  grace.  It  doth  not  say, 
the  Lord  gives  gifts  and  glory,  but,  the  Lord 
gives  grace  and  glory  ;  and  blessed  is  such  an 
one  to  whom  the  Lord  gives  grace,  true  grace, 
for  that  is  a  certain  forerunner  of  glory. 

306.  But  wdien  Satan  perceived  that  his  thus 
tempting  and  assaulting  of  me  would  not  an- 
swer his  design,  to  wit,  to  overthrow  the  min- 
istry, and  make  it  ineffectual  as  to  the  ends 
thereof;  then  he  tried  another  w^ay,  which  was, 
to  stir  up  the  minds  of  the  ignorant  and  malicious 
to  load  me  w  ith  slanders  and  reproaches.  Now 
therefore  I  may  sa}^,  that  what  the  devil  could 
devise,  and  his  instruments  invent,  w^as  whirled 
up  and  down  the  country  against  me,  thinking, 
as  I  said,  that  by  that  means  they  should  make 
my  ministry  to  be  abandoned. 

307.  It  began  therefore  to  be  rumoured  up 
and  down  among  the  people  that  I  was  a  witch, 
a  Jesuit,  a  highwayman,  and  the  like. 

'308.  To  all  which  I  shall  only  say,  God 
knows  that  I  am  innocent.  But  as  for  mine 
accusers,  let  them  provide  themselves  to  meet 
me  before  the  tribunal  of  the  Son  of  God,  there 
to  answer  for  all  these  things  (with  all  the  rest 
of  their  iniquities,)  unless  God  shall  give  them 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  147 

repentance  for  them ;  for  the  which  I  pray  with 
all  my  lieart. 

309.  But  that  which  was  reported  with  the 
boldest  confidence  was,  that  1  had  my  misses, 
my  whores,  my  bastards  ;  yea,  two  wives  at 
once,  and  the  like  !  Now  these  slanders  (with 
the  others)  I  glory  in,  because  but  slanders, 
foohsh  or  knavish  lies  and  falsehood,  cast  upon 
me  by  the  devil  and  his  seed ;  and,  should  I 
not  be  dealt  with  thus  wickedly  by  the  world, 
I  should  want  one  sign  of  a  saint  and  a  child 
of  God.  "  Blessed  are  ye  (said  the  Lord  Jesus) 
when  men  shall  revile  you  and  persecute  you, 
and  shall  say  all  manner  of  evil  of  you  falsely 
for  my  sake  :  rejoice  and  be  exceeding  glad,  for 
great  is  your  reward  in  heaven,  for  so  perse- 
cuted they  the  prophets  which  were  before  you."* 

310.  These  things,  therefore,  upon  mine  own 
account,  trouble  me  not,  no,  though  they  were 
twenty  times  more  than  they  are.  I  have  a 
good  conscience ;  and  whereas  they  speak  evil 
of  me  as  an  evil-doer,  they  shall  be  ashamed 
that  falsely  accuse  my  good  conversation  in 
Christ. 

311.  So  then,  what  shall  I  say  to  those  who 
have  thus  bespattered  me?  Shall  I  tlireaten  them? 
Shall  I  chide  them?  Shall  I  flatter  them? 
Shall  I  entreat  them  to  hold  their  tongues?  No, 
not  I.  AVere  it  not  for  that  these  things  make 
them  ripe  for  damnation  that  are  the  authors 
and  abettors,  I  would  say  unto  them,  "  Report 
it ;"  because  it  will  increase  my  glory. 

♦  Matt.  V.  11,  12, 


148  BUNYAN'S 

312.  Therefore  I  bind  these  lies  and  slanders 
to  me  as  an  ornament :  it  belongs  to  my  chris- 
tian profession  to  be  vihfied,  slandered,  re- 
proached, and  reviled  ;  and  since  all  this  is 
nothing  else,  as  my  God  and  my  conscience  do 
bear  me  witness,  I  rejoice  in  reproaches  for 
Christ's  sake. 

313.  I  also  call  all  these  fools  and  knaves 
that  have  thus  made  it  any  thing  of  their  busi- 
ness to  affirm  any  of  these  things  afore-named 
of  me,  namely,  that  I  have  been  naught  with 
other  women,  or  the  like  ;  when  they  have  used 
the  utmost  of  their  endeavours,  and  made  the 
fullest  inquiry  that  they  can,  to  prove  against 
me  truly,  that  there  is  any  woman  in  heaven, 
or  earth,  or  hell,  that  can  say  I  have  at  any 
time,  in  any  place,  by  day  or  night,  so  much 
as  attempted  to  be  naught  with  them.  And 
speak  I  thus  to  beg  mine  enemies  into  a  good 
esteem  of  me  ?  No,  not  I ;  I  will  in  this  beg 
belief  of  no  man  :  believe  or  disbelieve  me  in 
this,  all  is  a-case  to  me. 

314.  My  foes  have  missed  their  mark  in  this 
their  shooting  at  me  :  I  am  not  the  man  :  1 
wish  that  they  theniselves  be  guiltless.  If  all 
tlie  fornicators  and  adulterers  in  England  were 
Iianged  up  by  the  neck  till  they  be  dead,  John 
Bunyan,  the  object  of  their  envy,  would  be  still 
alive  and  well.  I  know  not  whether  there  be 
such  a  thing  as  a  woman  breathing  imdei 
the  copes  of  the  heavens,  but  by  their  apparel, 
their  children,  or  by  common  fame,  except  m} 
wife. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  149 

315.  And  in  this  I  admire  the  wisdom  of 
God,  tliat  lie  made  me  shy  of  women  from  my 
first  conversion  until  now.  These  know,  and 
can  also  hear  me  witness,  with  whom  I  have 
been  most  intimately  concerned,  that  it  is  a  rare 
thing  to  see  me  carry  it  pleasantly  towards  a 
woman  :  the  common  salutation  of  women  I 
abhor,  it  is  odious  to  me  in  whomsoever  I  see 
it.  Their  company  alone  I  cannot  away  with. 
I  seldom  so  much  as  touch  a  woman's  hand  ; 
for  I  think  these  things  are  not  so  becoming 
me.  When  I  have  seen  good  men  salute  those 
women  that  they  have  visited,  or  that  have 
visited  them,  I  have  at  times  made  my  objec- 
tion against  it ;  and  when  they  have  answered 
that  it  was  but  a  piece  of  civility,  I  have  told 
them  it  is  not  a  comely  sight.  Some  indeed  r 
have  urged  the  holy  kiss  :  but  then  I  have  ^ 
asked  why  they  made  balks  ?  why  they  did 
salute  the  most  handsome,  and  let  the  ill- 
favoured  go  ?  Thus,  how  laudable  soever  such 
things  have  been  in  the  eyes  of  others,  they 
have  been  unseemly  in  my  sight. 

316.  And  now  for  a  wind-up  in  this  matter, 
I  call  not  only  men,  but  angels,  to  prove  me 
guilty  of  having  carnally  to  do  with  any  woman 
except  my  wife  ;  nor  am  I  afraid  to  do  it  a 
second  time,  knowing  that  I  cannot  olfend  the 
Lord  in  such  a  case,  to  call  God  for  a  record 
upon  my  soul,  that  in  these  things  I  am  inno- 
cent. Not  that  I  have  been  thus  kept  because 
of  any  goodness  in  me  more  than  any  other, 
but  God  has  been  merciful  to  me,  and  has  kept 

13* 


150  BUNYAIV'S 

me  :  to  whom  I  pray,  that  he  will  keep  me  still, 
not  only  from  this,  but  every  evil  way  and  work, 
and  preserve  me  to  his  heavenly  kingdom. 
Amen. 

317.  Now  as  Satan  laboured  by  reproaches 
and  slanders  to  make  me  vile  among  my  coun- 
trymen, that,  if  possible,  my  preaching  may  be 
made  of  none  effect :  so  thereby  was  added 
hereto  a  long  and  tedious  imprisonment,  that 
thereby  I  might  be  frightened  from  my  service 
for  Christ,  and  the  world  terrified,  and  made 
afraid  to  hear  me  preach,  of  which  I  shall  in 
the  next  place  give  you  a  brief  account. 


BRIEF   ACCOUNT 

OF   THE 

AUTHOR'S   IMPRISONMENT. 

318.  Having  made  profession  of  the  gloriou§ 
gospel  of  Christ  a  long  time,  and  preached  the 
same  about  five  years,  I  was  apprehended  at  a 
meeting  of  good  people  in  tlie  country  ;  among 
whom,  had  they  let  me  alone,  I  should  have 
preached  that  day  ;  but  they  took  me  away 
from  amongst  them,  and  had  me  before  a  jus- 
tice ;  whoj  after  I  had  offered  security  for  my 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  151 

appearing  the  next  sessions,  yet  committed  me, 
because  my  sureties  would  not  consent  to  be 
bound  that  I  should  preach  no  more  to  the 
people. 

319.  At  the  sessions  after  I  was  indicted  for 
an  upholder  and  maintaiuer  of  unlawful  assem- 
bhes  and  conventicles,  and  for  not  conforming 
to  the  national  worship  of  the  Church  of  Eng- 
land :  and  after  some  conference  there  willi  the 
justices,  they,  taking  my  plain  dealing  with 
them  for  a  confession,  as  they  termed  it,  of  the 
indictment,  did  sentence  me  to  a  perpetual  ban- 
ishment, because  I  refused  to  conform.  So  be- 
ing again  delivered  up  to  the  gaoler's  hands,  I 
was  had  home  to  prison,  and  there  have  lain 
now  complete  twelve  years,  waiting  to  see  what 
God  would  suffer  these  men  to  do  with  me. 

320.  In  which  condition  I  have  continued 
with  much  content,  through  grace;  but  have 
met  with  many  turnings  and  goings  upon  my 
heart,  both  from  the  Lord,  Satan,  and  my  own 
corruption  :  by  all  which  (glory  be  to  Jesus 
Christ  !)  I  have  also  received,  among  many 
thins^s.  much  conviction,  instruction,  and  under- 
standing ;  of  which  at  large  I  shall  not  here 
discourse,  only  give  you  a  hint  or  two,  a  word 
that  may  stir  up  the  godly  to  bless  God,  and  to 
pray  for  me  ;  and  also  to  take  encouragement, 
should  the  case  be  their  own,  not  to  fear  what 
man  can  do  unto  them. 

321.  I  never  had  in  all  njy  life  so  great  an 
inlet  into  the  word  of  God  as  now  :  those  scrip- 
tures that  I  saw  nothing  in  before,  were  Tn^e 


152  BUNYAN'S 

in  this  place  and  state  to  shine  upon  me :  Jesus 
Christ  also  was  never  more  real  and  apparent 
than  now  ;  here  I  have  seen  and  felt  him  in- 
deed: oh  !  that  word,  "We  have  not  preached 
unto  you  cunningly  devised  fables  ;"*  and  that, 
"  God  raised  Christ  from  the  dead,  and  gave 
him  glory,  that  our  faith  and  hope  might  be  in 
God,"t  were  blessed  words  unto  me  in  this  im- 
prisoned condition. 

322.  These  three  or  four  scriptures  also  have 
been  great  refreshments  in  this  condition  to 
me ;  John  xiv.  1,  2,  3,  4  ;  John  xvi.  33 ;  Col. 
iii.  3,  4  ;  Heb.  xii.  22,  23,  24.  So  that  some- 
times when  I  have  been  in  the  savour  of  them, 
I  have  been  able  to  laugh  at  destruction,  and  to 
fear  neither  the  horse  nor  his  rider.l  I  have 
had  sweet  sights  of  the  forgiveness  of  my  sins 
in  this  place,  and  of  my  being  with  Jesus  in 
another  world.  Oh  !  the  Mount  Sion,  the  hea- 
venly Jerusalem,  the  innumerable  company  of 
angels,  and  God  the  judge  of  all,  and  the  spirits 
of  just  men  made  perfect,  and  Jesus,  have  been 
sweet  unto  me  in  this  place  !  I  have  seen  that 
here,  that  I  am  persuaded  I  shall  never,  while 
in  this  world,  be  able  to  express  :  I  have  seen  a 
truth  in  this  scripture,  "  Whom  not  having  seen, 
ye  love  :  in  whom,  though  now  you  see  him 
not,  yet,  beheving,  ye  rejoice  with  joy  unspeak- 
able, and  full  of  glory. "§ 

323.  I  never  knew  what  it  was  for  God  to 
stand  by  me  at  all  turns,  and  at  every  offer  of 

*  2  Pet.  i.  16.  t  1  Pet.  i.  2. 

t  See  Exod.  xv.  1.  §  1  Pet.  i.  8. 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  153 

Satan  to  afllict  me,  as  I  have  found  him  since  I 
came  in  hither :  for  look,  how  fears  have  pre- 
sented themselves,  so  have  supports  and  encou- 
ragements :  yea,  when  I  have  started,  even,  as 
it  were,  at  nothing  else  but  my  shadow,  yet 
God,  as  being  very  tender  of  me,  hath  not  suf- 
fered me  to  be  molested,  but  would,  with  one 
scripture  or  another,  strengthen  me  against  all : 
insomuch  tliat  I  have  often  said,  "  Were  it  law- 
ful, 1  could  pray  for  greater  trouble,  for  the 
greater  comfort's  sake."* 

324.  Before  I  came  to  prison,  I  saw  what  was 
coming,  and  had  especially  two  considerations 
warm  upon  my  heart :  the  first  was,  how  to  be 
able  to  encounter  death,  should  that  be  here  my 
portion.  For  the  first  of  these,  that  scripture! 
was  great  information  to  me,  namely,  to  pray 
to  God  to  be  "  strengthened  with  all  might,  ac- 
cording to  his  glorious  power,  unto  all  patience 
and  long-suffering  with  joyfulness."  I  could 
seldom  go  to  prayer  before  I  was  imprisoned, 
but  for  not  so  little  as  a  year  together,  this  sen- 
tence, or  sweet  petition,  would  as  it  were,  thrust 
itself  into  my  mind,  and  persuade  me,  that  if 
ever  I  would  go  through  long-suffering  I  must 
have  patience,  especially  if  1  would  endure  it 
joyfully. 

325.  As  to  the  second  consideration,  that 
saying  was  of  great  use  to  me,  "  But  we  had 
the  sentence  of  death  in  ourselves,  that  we 
might  not  trust  in  ourselves,  but  in  God,  which 
raisetli  the  dead."     By  this  scripture  I  was  made 

*  Eccles.  vii.  14  j  2  Cor.  i.  5.  t  Colos.  i.  11. 


154  BUNYAN'S 

to  see,  tC^  that  if  ever  I  would  suffer  rightly,  I 
must  first  pass  a  sentence  of  death  upon  every 
thing  that  can  properly  be  called  a  thing  of  this 
life ;  even  to  reckon  myself,  my  wife,  my  chil- 
dren, my  health,  my  enjoyments,  and  all,  as 
dead  to  me,  and  myself  as  dead  to  them. 

326.  The  second  was,  to  live  upon  God  that 
is  invisible  ;  as  Paul  said  in  another  place,*  the 
way  not  to  faint  is,  "  to  look  not  at  the  things 
which  are  seen,  but  at  the  things  which  are  not 
seen ;  for  the  things  which  are  seen  are  tem- 
poral, but  the  things  which  are  not  seen  are 
eternal."  And  thus  I  reasoned  with  myself, 
"  If  I  provide  only  for  a  prison,  then  the  whip 
comes  at  unawares,  and  so  doth  also  the  pillory. 
Again  :  if  I  only  provide  for  these,  then  I  am 
not  fit  for  banishment.  Further :  if  I  conclude 
that  banishment  is  the  worst,  then  if  death 
comes,  I  am  surprised.  So  that  I  see  the  best 
way  to  go  through  sufferings  is  to  trust  in  God 
through  Christ,  as  touching  the  world  to  come; 
and  as  touching  this  world,  "to  count  the  grave 
my  house,  to  make  my  bed  in  darkness  ;  and 
to  say  to  corruption.  Thou  art  my  father  ;  and 
to  the  worm.  Thou  art  my  mother  and  sister  :"t 
that  is,  to  famiharize  these  things  to  me. 

327.  But  notwithstanding  these  helps,  I  found 
myself  a  man  encompassed  with  infirmities;  the 
parting  with  my  wife  and  poor  children  hath 
often  been  to  me  in  this  place  as  the  pulling  the 
flesh  from  the  bones  ;  and  that  not  only  because 
I  am  somewhat  too  fond  of  these  great  mercies, 

*  2  Cor.  iv.  18.  t  See  Job  xvu.  13, 14. 


GRACE  ABOUiNDING.  155 

but  also  because  I  sliould  have  ofteu  brought  to 
my  mind  tlie  many  liardships,  miseries,  and 
wants,  that  niy  poor  family  was  like  to  meet 
with,  should  I  be  taken  from  them ;  especially 
my  poor  blind  child,  who  lay  nearer  my  heart 
than  all  beside :  oh  !  the  thoughts  of  the  hard- 
ship 1  thought  my  poor  bhnd  one  might  go 
under,  would  break  my  heart  to  pieces. 

328.  "  Poor  child  !  (thought  I)  what  sorrow 
art  thou  like  to  have  for  thy  portion  in  this 
world  !  Tljou  must  be  beaten,  must  beg,  suffer 
hunger,  cold,  nakedness,  and  a  thousand  ca- 
lamities, though  I  cannot  now  endure  the  wind 
should  blow  upon  thee."  But  yet  recalling  my- 
self, thought  I,  "  I  must  venture  you  all  with 
God,  though  it  goeth  to  the  quick  to  leave  you." 
Oh !  I  saw  in  this  condition  I  was  as  a  man 
who  was  pulling  down  his  house  upon  the  head 
of  his  wife  and  children  ;  ''  yet  (thought  I)  I 
must  do  it,  I  must  do  it."  And  now  I  thought 
on  those  two  milch-kine  that  were  to  carry  the 
ark  of  God  into  another  country,  and  to  leave 
their  calves  behind  them."* 

329.  But  that  which  helped  me  in  this 
temptation  was  divers  considerations,  of  which 
three  in  special  here  I  will  name.  The  first 
was  the  consideration  of  those  two  scriptures  ; 
'•  Leave  thy  fatherless  children,  I  will  preserve 
them  alive  ;  and  let  thy  widows  trust  in  me  ;'"t 
and  again,  "  The  Lord  said.  Verily  it  shall  go 
well  with  thy  remnant ;  verily,  I  will  cause  the 

*  See  1  Sam.  vi.  10.  t  Jer.  xlix.  11. 


156  BUNYAN'S 

enemy  to  entreat  thee  well  in  the  time  of  evil," 

330.  I  had  also  this  consideration,  that  if  I 
should  venture  all  for  God,  I  engaged  God  to 
take  care  of  my  concernments  ;  but  if  I  forsook 
him  in  his  ways  for  fear  of  any  trouble  that 
should  come  to  me  or  mine,  then  I  should  not 
only  falsify  my  profession,  but  should  count  also 
that  my  concernments  were  not  so  sure,  if  left 
at  God's  feet,  whilst  I  stood  to  and  for  his  name, 
as  they  would  be  if  they  were  under  my  own 
care,  though  with  the  denial  of  the  way  of  God. 
This  was  a  smarting  consideration,  and  as 
spurs  into  my  flesh.  That  scripture  also 
greatly  helped  it  to  fasten  the  more  on  me, 
where  Christ  prays  against  Judas,  that  God 
would  disappoint  him  in  his  selfish  thoughts, 
which  moved  him  to  sell  his  Master.  Pray 
read  it  soberly .t 

331.  I  had  also  another  consideration,  and 
that  was  the  dread  of  the  torments  of  hell, 
which  I  was  sure  they  must  partake  of,  that  for 
fear  of  the  cross,  do  shrink  from  their  profession 
of  Christ,  his  words,  and  laws,  before  the  sons 
of  men ;  I  thought  also  of  the  glory  that  He 
had  prepared  for  those  that  in  faith,  and  love, 
and  patience,  stood  to  his  ways  before  them. — 
These  things.  I  say,  have  helped  me,  when  the 
thoughts  of  the  miser}'  that  both  myself  and 
mine  might,  for  the  sake  of  my  profession,  be 
exposed  to,  have  lain  pinching  on  my  mind. 

332.  When  I  have  indeed  conceited  that  I 

*  Jer.  XV.  11.         t  Sec  the  109th  Psalm,  ver.  6,  7.  8,  &c. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  Off 

niisfht  be  banished  for  my  profession,  then  I 
have  thought  of  that  scripture  ;*  '•  They  were 
stoned,  they  were  sawn  asunder,  were  tempted, 
were  slain  with  the  sword ;  they  wandered 
about  in  sheep-skins  and  goat-skins,  being  des- 
titute, afflicted,  tormented  ;  of  whom  the  world 
was  not  worthy  ;"  for  all  they  thought  they 
were  too  bad  too  dwell  and  abide  amongst  them. 
I  have  also  thought  of  that  saying,  "  The 
Holy  Ghost  witnesseth  in  every  city,  that  bonds 
and  afflictions  abide  me."t  I  have  verily 
thought  that  my  soul  and  it  have  sometimes 
reasoned  about  the  sore  and  sad  estate  of  a 
banished  and  exiled  condition,  how  they  were 
exposed  to  hunger,  to  cold,  to  perils,  to  naked- 
ness, to  enemies,  and  a  thousand  calamities ; 
and  at  last,  it  may  be  to  die  in  a  ditch  like  a  poor 
and  desolate  sheep.  But  I  thank  God  hitherto 
I  have  not  been  moved  by  these  most  delicate 
reasonings,  but  have  rather  by  them  more  ap- 
proved my  heart  to  God. 

333.  I  will  tell  you  a  pretty  business :  I  was 
once,  above  all  the  rest,  in  a  very  sad  and  low 
condition  for  niany  weeks,  at  which  time  also 
£  being  but  a  young  prisoner,  and  not  acquaint- 
ed with  the  laws,  I  had  this  lying  much  upon 
my  spirits,  "  That  my  imprisonment  might  end 
at  the  gaflows  for  auglit  that  I  could  tell."  Now 
therefore  Satan  laid  hard  at  me,  to  beat  me  out 
of  heart,  by  suggesting  thus  unto  me  :  '  But 
how  if,  when  you  come  indeed  to  die,  you 
should  be  in  this  condition  ;  that  is,  as  not  to 
♦  Heb.  xi.  37,  38.  t  Acts  xx.  23. 

14 


J  58  BUNYAN'S 

favour  the  things  of  God,  nor  to  have  any  evi- 
dence upon  your  soul  for  a  better  state  hereaf- 
ter ?'  (for  indeed  at  this  time  all  the  things  of 
God  were  hid  from  my  soul.) 

334.  Wherefore^  when  I  first  began  to  think 
of  this,  it  was  a  great  trouble  to  me ;  for  J 
thought  with  myself,  that  in  the  condition  I  now 
was,  I  was  not  fit  to  die.  neither  indeed  did  I 
think  I  could,  if  I  could  be  called  to  it ;  besides, 
I  thought  with  myself,  if  I  should  make  a 
scrambling  shift  to  clamber  up  the  ladder,  yet 
I  should,  either  with  quaking,  or  other  symp- 
toms of  fainting,  give  occasion  to  the  enemy  to 
reproach  the  way  of  God  and  his  people  for  their 
timorousness.  This  therefore  lay  with  great 
trouble  upon  me,  for  methought  I  was  ashamed 
to  die  with  a  pale  face  and  tottering  knees  in 
such  a  case  as  this. 

335.  Wherefore  I  prayed  to  God  that  he 
would  comfort  me,  and  give  me  strength  to  do 
and  suffer  what  he  should  call  me  to :  yet  no 
comfort  appeared,  but  all  continued  hid  :  I  was 
also  at  this  time  so  really  possessed  with  the 
thought  of  death,  tbat  oft  I  was  as  if  I  was  on 
the  ladder  with  a  rope  about  my  neck  ;  only 
this  was  some  encouragement  to  me,  I  thought 
I  might  now  have  an  opportunity  to  speak  my 
last  words  unto  a  multitude,  which  I  thought 
w^ould  come  to  see  me  die  ;  and,  thought  I,  "  If 
it  must  be  so,  if  God  will  but  convert  one  soul 
by  my  last  words,  I  shall  not  count  my  life 
thrown  away  nor  lost." 

336.  But  yet  all  the  things  of  God  were  kept 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  159 

out  of  my  sis^ht,  and  still  the  tempter  followed 
me  with — "  But  whither  must  you  go  when  you 
die?  what  will  become  of  you ?  where  will  you 
be  found  in  another  world  /  what  evidence  have 
you  for  heaven  and  glory,  and  an  inheritance 
among  them  that  are  sanctified  V  Thus  was  I 
tossed  for  many  weeks  and  knew  not  what  to 
do;  at  last  this  consideration  fell  with  weight 
upon  me,  "  That  it  was  for  the  word  and  way 
of  God  that  I  was  in  this  condition  ;  wherefore 
I  was  engaged  not  to  flinch  an  hair's  breadth 
from  it." 

337.  I  thought  also  that  God  might  choose' 
whether  he  would  give  me  comfort  now,  or  at 
the  hour  of  death;  but  I  might  not  therefore 
choose  whether  I  would  hold  my  profession  or 
no ;  I  was  bound,  but  he  was  free ;  yea,  'twas 
my  duty  to  stand  to  his  word,  whether  he  would 
ever  look  upon  me  or  save  me  at  the  last ; 
\vherefore  thought  I,  "  Save  the  point  being  thus, 
I  am  for  going  on  and  venturing  my  eternal 
state  with  Christ,  whether  I  l^tve  comfort  here 
or  no  ;  if  God  doth  not  come  in  (thought  L)  I 
will  leap  off  the  ladder  even  blindfolded  into 
eternity  ;  sink  or  swim,  come  heaven,  come  hell, 
Lord  Jesus,  if  thou  wilt  catch  me,  do  ;  if  not,  I 
will  venture  all  for  thy  name." 

338.  I  was  no  sooner  fixed  with  this  resolu- 
tion, but  this  word  dropped  upon  me,  "Doth  Job 
serve  God  for  nought  7"*  as  if  the  accuser  had 
said,  "  Lord,  Job  is  no  upright  man,  he  serves 
the  for  by-respects  ;  hast   thou   not   made   an 

*  Job  i.  9. 


160  BUNYAN'S 

hedge  about  him  (and  so  forth  ;)  but  put  forth 
now  thine  hand  and  touch  ah  that  he  hath,  and 
he  will  curse  thee  to  thy  face." — ''How  now  ! 
(thought  I)  is  this  the  sign  of  an  upright  soul, 
to  desire  to  serve  God  when  all  is  taken  from 
liim  ?  Is  he  a  godly  man  that  will  serve  God 
for  nothing,  rather  than  give  out  ?  Blessed  be 
God,  then,  I  hope  I  have  an  upright  heart ;  for 
I  am  resolved  (God  giving  me  strength)  never 
to  deny  my  profession,  though  I  had  nothing  at 
all  for  my  pains."  And  as  I  was  thus  consider- 
ing, that  scripture  was  set  before  me,  Psalm  44 
ver.  12,  &c. 

339.  Now  was  my  heart  full  of  comfort,  for  I 
hoped  it  was  sincere :  I  would  not  have  been 
without  this  tiial  for  much  ;  I  am  comforted 
every  time  I  think  of  it,  and  I  hope  I  shall  bless 
God  for  ever,  for  the  teaching  I  have  had  by  it. 
Many  more  of  the  dealings  of  God  towards  me 
I  might  relate ;  but  these  out  of  the  spoils  won 
in  battle  have  I  dedicated  to  maintain  the  house 
of  God.* 


CONCLUSION. 

1.  OF  all  the  temptations  that  ever  I  met 
with  in  my  life;  to  question  the  being  of  God, 
and  truth  of  his  gospel,  is  the  worst,  and  the 

*  See  1  Chron.  xxvi.  26. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  161 

wor?t  to  be  borne ;  when  this  temptation  comes 
it  takes  away  my  girdle  from  me.  and  removeth 
the  foundation  from  under  me.  Oh  !  I  have 
often  thought  of  that  word,  '  Have  your  loins 
girt  about  you  with  truth  :*  and  of  that,  '  When 
the  foundations  are  destroyed,  what  can  the 
righteous  do  ?'t 

II.  Sometimes,  when,  after  sin  committed,  I 
have  looked  for  sore  chastisement  from  the  hand 
of  God  ;  the  very  next  that  I  have  had  from 
him  hath  been  the  discovery  of  his  grace. 
Sometimes,  when  I  have  been  comforted,  I  have 
called  myself  a  fool  for  my  so  sinking  under 
trouble  ;  and  then  again,  when  I  have  been  cast 
down,  I  thought  I  was  not  wise  to  give  such 
way  to  comfort :  with  such  strength  and  weight 
have  both  these  been  upon  me. 

III.  I  have  wondered  much  at  this  one  thing, 
that  though  God  doth  visit  my  soul  with  never 
so  blessed  a  discovery  of  himself,  yet  I  have 
found  again  that  such  hours  have  attended  me 
afterwards;  that  I  have  been  in  my  spirit  so 
filled  with  darkness,  that  I  could  not  so  much 
as  once  conceive  what  that  God  and  what  that 
comfort  was  Avith  which  I  have  been  refreshed. 

IV.  I  have  sometimes  seen  more  in  a  line  of 
the  Bible  than  I  could  well  tell  how  to  stand 
under  ;  and  yet  at  another  time  the  whole  Bi- 
ble hath  been  to  me  as  a  dry  stick  ;  or  rather, 
my  heart  hath  been  so  dead  and  dry  unto  it, 
that  I  could  not  conceive  tbe  least  dram  of  re- 
freshment though  1  liave  looked  it  all  over. 

*  Eph.  ^i.  11.  t  Psalm  xi.  3. 

13* 


162  BUNYAN'S 

V.  Of  all  fears,  they  are  best  that  are  made 
by  the  blood  of  Christ ;  and  of  all  joy,  that  is 
the  sweetest  that  is  mixed  with  mourning  over 
Christ,  tj^  Oh  !  it  is  a  goodly  thing  to  be  on 
our  knees,  with  Christ  in  our  arms,  before  God  ! 
I  hope  I  know  something  of  these  things. 

VI.  I  find  to  this  day  seven  abominations  in 
my  heart.  1.  Inclining  to  disbehef.  2.  Sud- 
denly to  forget  the  love  and  mercy  that  Christ 
manifesteth.  3.  A  leaning  to  the  works  of  the' 
Law.  4.  Wanderings  and  coldness  in  prayer. 
5.  To  forget  to  watch  for  that  I  pray  for.  6.  Apt 
to  murmur  because  I  have  no  more,  and  yet 
ready  to  abuse  what  I  have.  7.  I  can  do  none 
of  those  things  which  God  commands  me,  but 
my  corruption  will  thrust  in  themselves : — 
"  When  I  would  do  good,  evil  is  present  with 
me."* 

VII.  These  things  I  continually  see  and  feel, 
and  am  afflicted  and  oppressed  with ;  yet  the 
wisdom  of  God  doth  order  them  for  my  good. 
1.  They  make  me  abhor  myself.  2.  They 
keep  me  from  trusting  my  heart.  3.  They 
convince  me  of  the  insufficiency  of  all  inherent 
righteousness.  4.  They  show  me  the  necessity 
of  flying  to  Jesus.  5.  They  press  me  to  pray 
unto  God.  6.  They  show  me  the  need  I  have 
to  watch  and  be  sober.  7.  And  provoke  me  to 
pray  unto  God,  through  Christ,  to  help  me,  and 
carry  me  through  this  world. 

*  Rom.  vii.  21. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  IW 


A  CONTINUATION 


MR.  BUNYAN'S  LIFE  ; 


Beginning  where  he  left  off,  and  concluding  with  the  time 
and  mariner  of  his  death  and  burial ;  together  with  his  true 
character,  &c. 


Reader, 
The  painful  and  industrious  author  of  this 
book  has  ah-eady  given  you  a  faithful  and  very 
moving  relation  of  the  beginning  and  middle 
of  the  days  of  his  pilgrimage  on  earth  ;  and 
since  there  yet  remains  somewhat  worthy  of 
notice  and  regard  wliich  occurred  in  the  last 
scene  of  his  life,  the  which,  for  want  of  time,  or 
for  fear  some  over-censorious  people  should  im- 
pute it  to  him  as  an  earnest  coveting  of  praise 
from  men,  he  has  not  left  behind  him  in  wtI- 
ting :  wherefore,  as  a  true  friend,  and  long  ac- 
<iuaintance  of  Mr.  Bunyan's,  that  his  good  end 
may  be  known,  as  weU  as  his  evil  begiiming,  I 
have  taken  upon  me,  from  my  knowledge,  and 
the  best  account  given  by  other  of  his  friends, 
to  piece  this  to  .the  thread  (too  soon  broke  off), 
and  so  lengthen  it  out  to  his  entering  upon 
eternity. 


164  BUNYAN'S 

He  has  told  5^011  at  large  of  his  birth  and  edu- 
cation ;  the  evil  habits  and  corruptions  of  his 
youth  ;  the  temptations  he  struggled  and  con- 
flicted so  frequently  with ;  the  mercies,  comforts, 
and  deliverances  he  found  ;  how  he  came  to 
take  upon  him  the  preaching  of  the  gospel ;  the 
slanders,  reproaches,  and  imprisonments  that 
attended  him  :  and  the  progress  he  notwith- 
standing made  (by  the  assistance  of  God's 
grace),  no  doubt  to  the  saving  of  many  souls. 
Therefore  take  these  things,  as  he  himself  hath 
methodically  laid  them  down  in  the  words  of 
verity  ;  and  so  I  pass  on  to  what  remains. 

After  his  being  freed  from  his  twelve  years* 
imprisonment  and  upwards,  for  n  on -conformity, 
wherein  he  had  time  to  furnish  the  world  with 
sundry  good  books,  <fec.,  and  by  his  patience,  to 
move  Dr.  Barlow,  the  then  bishop  of  Lincoln, 
and  other  churchmen  to  pity  his  hard  and  un- 
reasonable sufferings,  so  far  as  to  stand  very 
much  his  friends,  in  procuring  his  enlargement, 
or  there  perhaps  he  had  died,  by  the  noisome- 
ness  and  ill  usage  of  the  place  ;  being  now,  I 
say,  again  at  liberty,  and  having,  through 
mercy,  shaken  off  his  bodily  fetters,  (for  those 
upon  his  soul  were  broken  before  by  the  abound- 
ing grace  that  filled  his  heart.)  he  went  to  visit 
those  that  had  been  a  comfort  to  him  in  his 
tribulation,  with  a  christian-like  acknowledg- 
ment of  their  kindness  and  enlargement  of 
charity;  giving encouragement«by  his  example, 
if  it  happened  to  be  their  hard  haps  to  fall  into 
affliction  or  trouble,  then  to  suffer  patiently  for 


GRACE   ABOUNDING.  165 

the  sake  of  a  good  conscience,  and  for  the  love 
'of  God  in  Jesns  Christ  toward  tlieir  sonls ;  and 
by  many  cordial  persuasions  supported  some, 
whose  spirits  began  to  sink  low,  through  the 
fear  of  danger  that  threatened  their  worldly 
concernment ;  so  tliat  the  people  found  a  won- 
derful consolation  in  Ins  discourse  and  admo- 
nitions. 

As  often  as  opportunity  would  admit,  he  ga- 
thered them  together  (though  the  law  was  then 
in  force  against  meetings)  in  convenient  places, 
and  fed  them  with  the  "  sincere  milk  of  the 
word,"  that  they  might  grow  up  in  grace 
thereby.  To  such  as  were  any  where  taken 
and  imprisoned  upon  these  accounts,  he  made 
it  another  part  of  his  business  to  extend  his 
charity,  and  gather  relief  for  such  of  them  as 
wanted. 

He  took  great  care  to  visit  the  sick,  and 
strengthen  them  against  the  suggestions  of  the 
tempter,  which  at  some  times  are  very  preva- 
lent ;  so  that  they  had  cause  for  ever  to  bless 
God,  who  had  put  it  into  his  heart,  at  such  a 
time,  to  rescue  thejii  from  the  power  of  the  roar- 
ing lion,  who  sought  to  devour  them.  Nor  did 
he  spare  any  pains  or  labour  in  travel,  though 
to  the  remote  counties,  where  he  knew  or  ima- 
gined any  people  might  stand  in  need  of  his  as- 
sistance ;  insomuch  that  some,  by  these  visita- 
tions that  he  had  made,  which  were  two  or 
three  every  year,  some  (though  in  jeering  man- 
ner, no  doubt)  gave  him  the  epithet  of  bishop 
Bunyan  ;  whilst  others  envied  him  for  his  so 


166  BUNYAN'S 

earnestly  labouring  in  Christ's  vineyard:  yef 
the  seed  of  the  word  he  all  this  while  sowed  in 
the  hearts  of  his  congregation,  watered  with  the 
grace  of  God,  brought  forth  in  abundance,  in 
bringing  in  disciples  to  the  Church  of  Christ. 

Another  part  of  his  time  he  spent  in  reconcil- 
ing differences,  by  which  he  hindered  many 
mischiefs,  and  saved  some  families  from  ruin  ; 
and  in  such  fallings-out  he  was  uneasy  till  he 
found  a  means  to  labour  a  reconciliation,  and 
become  a  peace-maker,  on  whom  a  blessing  is 
promised  in  holy  writ :  and  indeed  in  doing 
this  good  office,  he  may  be  said  to  sum  up  his 
days,  it  being  the  last  undertaking  of  his  life,  as 
will  appear  in  the  close  of  this  paper. 

When,  in  the  late  reign,*  liberty  of  conscience 
was  unexpectedly  given  and  indulged  to  dissen- 
ters of  all  persuasions,  his  piercing  wit  penetra- 
ted the  veil,  and  found  that  it  was  not  for  the 
dissenters'  sakes  they  were  so  suddenly  freed 
from  the  prosecutions  that  had  long  lain  heavy 
upon  them,  and  set,  in  a  manner,  on  an  equal 
foot  with  the  church  of  England,  which  the  pa- 
pists were  undermining,  and  about  to  subvert: 
he  foresaw  all  the  advantages  that  could  re- 
dound to  the  dissenters  would  have  been  no 
more  than  what  Polyphemus,  the  monstrous 
giant  of  Sicily,  would  have  allowed  Ulysses,  viz. 
that  he  would  eat  his  men  first,  and  do  him  the 
favour  of  being  eaten  last ;  for  although  Mr. 
Bunyan,  following  the  examples  of  others,  did 
lay  hold  of  this  liberty,  as  an  acceptable  thing 

*  The  reign  of  James  II. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  167 

in  itself,  knowing  God  is  the  only  Lord  of  con- 
science, and  that  it  is  s^ood  at  all  times  to  do  ac- 
cordinfT-  to  the  dictates  of  a  good  conscience,  and 
that  tlie  preaciiing  tlieglad  tidings  of  the  gospel 
is  beantifid  in  the  preacher;  yet  in  all  this  he 
moved  with  caution  and  a  holy  fear,  earnestly 
praying  for  the  averting  the  impending  judg- 
ments, which  he  saw,  like  a  black  tempest, 
hanging  over  our  heads  for  our  sins,  and  ready 
to  break  in  upon  us,  and  that  the  Ninevites' 
remedy  was  now  highly  necessary.  Hereupon 
he  gathered  his  congregation  at  Bedford,  where 
he  mostly  lived,  and  had  lived  and  spent  the 
greatest  part  of  his  life  ;  and  there  being  no 
convenient  place  to  be  had  for  the  entertain- 
ment of  so  great  a  confluence  of  people  as  fol- 
lowed him  upon  the  account  of  his  teaching,  he 
consulted  with  them  for  the  building  of  a  meet- 
ing-house, to  which  they  made  their  voluntary 
contributions  with  all  cheerfulness  and  alacrity  ; 
and  the  first  time  he  appeared  there  to  edify,  the 
place  was  so  thronged,  that  many  were  con- 
strained to  stay  without,  though  the  house  was 
very  spacious  ;  every  one  striving  to  partake  of 
his  instructions  that  were  of  his  persuasion,  and 
show  their  good-v/ill  towards  him,  by  being 
present  at  the  opening  of  the  place :  and  here 
he  lived  in  much  peace  and  quiet  of  mind,  con- 
tenting himself  with  that  little  God  had  bestowed 
upon  him,  and  sequestering  himself  from  all 
secular  employments,  to  follow  that  of  his  call 
to  the  ministry  :  for,  as  God  said  to  Moses,  "  He 
that  made  the  lips  and  heart,  can  give  eloquence 


168  BUNYAN'S 

and  wisdoni;"  without   extraordinary   acquire- 
ments in  an  university. 

During  these  things  there  were  regulators 
sent  into  all  cities  and  towns  corporate  to  new- 
model  the  government  in  the  magistracy,  &c. 
by  turning  out  some,  and  putting  in  others. 
Against  this  Mr.  Bunyan  expressed  his  zeal 
with  some  weariness,  as  foreseeing  the  bad  con- 
sequence that  would  attend  it,  and  laboured 
with  his  congregation  to  prevent  their  being  im- 
posed on  in  this  kind  ;  and  when  a  great  man 
in  those  days,  coming  to  Bedford  upon  some 
such  errand,  sent  for  him,  as  it  is  supposed,  to 
give  him  a  place  of  public  trust,  he  would  by  no 
means  come  to  him,  but  sent,  his  excuse. 

When  he  was  at  leisure  from  writing  and 
teaching,  he  often  came  up  to  London,  and 
there  Avent  among  the  congregations  of  the  non- 
conformists, and  used  his  talent  to  the  great 
good-liking  of  the  hearers  ;  and  even  some  to 
whom  he  had  been  misrepresented  upon  the  ac- 
count of  his  education,  were  convinced  of  his 
worth  and  knowledge  in  sacred  things,  as  per- 
ceiving him  to  be  a  man  of  sound  judgment,  w 
dehvering  himself  plainly  and  powerfully ;  in-  m 
somuch  that  many  who  came  spectators  for 
novelty,  rather  than  to  be  edified  and  improved, 
went  away  well  satisfied  with  what  they  heard, 
and  wondered  as  the  Jews  did  at  the  apostles, 
viz.  whence  this  man  should  have  these  things ; 
perhaps  not  considering  that  God  more  imme- 
diately assists  those  that  make  it  their  business 


I 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  169 

industriously  and  cheerfully  to  labour  in  his 
vineyard. 

Thus  he  spent  his  latter  years  in  imitation  of 
his  great  Lord  and  Master,  the  ever-blessed 
Jesus ;  he  went  about  doing  good  :  so  that  the 
most  prying  critic,  or  even  malice  herself,  is  de- 
fied to  find,  even  upon  the  narrowest  search  or 
conversation,  any  sully  or  stain  upon  his  repu- 
tation with  which  he  may  be  justly  charged  : 
and  this  we  note,  as  a  challenge  to  those  that 
have  the  least  regard  for  him,  or  them  of  his 
persuasion,  and  have  one  way  or  other  appeared 
in  the  front  of  those  that  oppressed  hijn  ;  and 
for  the  turning  whose  hearts,  in  obedience  to 
the  commission  and  commandment  given  him 
of  God  ;  he  frequenth^  prayed,  and  sometimes 
sought  a  blessing  for  them,  even  with  tears ; 
the  efiects  of  which  they  may,  perad venture, 
though  undeservedly,  have  found  in  their  per- 
sons, friends,  relations,  or  estates  ;  for  God  will 
hear  the  prayer  of  the  faithful,  and  answer 
them,  even  for  them  that  vex  them  :  as  it  hap- 
pened in  the  case  of  Job's  praying  for  the  three 
persons  that  had  been  fxiievous  in  their  reproaches 
against  him,  even  in  the  day  of  his  sorrow. 

But  yet  let  me  come  a  little  nearer  to  particu- 
lars, and  periods  of  time,  for  the  better  refresh- 
ing the  memories  of  those  that  knew  his  labour 
and  sufferings,  and  for  the  satisfaction  of  all 
that  shall  read  this  book. 

After  he  was  sensil)ly  convicted  of  the  wicked 
state  of  his  life,  and  converted,  he  was  baptized 
into  the  congregation,  and  admitted  a  member 
15 


170  BUNYAN'S 

thereof,  viz.  in  the  year  1655,  and  became 
speed ity  a  very  zealous  professor  :  but  upon  the 
return  of  King  Charles  to  the  crown  in  1660, 
he  was,  on  the  12th  of  November,  taken,  as  he 
was  edifying  some  good  people  that  were  got 
together  to  hear  the  word,  and  confined  in  Bed- 
ford gaol  for  the  space  of  six  years  ;  till,  the  act 
of  Indulgence  to  Dissenters  being  allowed,  he 
obtained  his  freedom,  by  the  intercession  of 
some  in  trust  and  power,  that  took  pity  on  his 
sufferings  :  but  witliin  six  years  afterwards  he 
was  again  taken  up,  viz.  in  the  year  1666,  and 
was  then  confined  for  six  years  more,  when  the 
gaoler  took  such  pity  of  his  rigorous  sufferings, 
that  he  did  as  tlie  Egyptian  gaoler  did  to  Joseph, 
put  all  the  care  and  trust  in  his  hand.  When 
he  was  taken  this  last  time,  he  was  preaching 
on  these  words,  viz.  "  Dost  thou  believe  the  Son 
of  God?''  And  this  imprisonment  continued 
six  years  ;  and  when  this  was  over,  another 
short  affliction,  which  was  an  imprisonment  of 
half  a  year,  fell  to  his  share.  During  these 
confinements,  he  wrote  these  following  books, 
viz.  "  Of  Prayer  by  the  Spirit ;"  "  The  Holy 
City's  Resurrection  ;"  '•  Grace  abounding ;"  "  Pil- 
grim's Progress,"  the  first  part. 

In  the  last  year  of  his  twelve  year's  imprison- 
ment, the  pastor  of  the  congregation  at  Bedford 
died  ;  and  he  was  chosen  to  that  care  of  souls, 
on  the  12th  of  December,  1671.  And  in  this 
his  charge,  he  often  had  disputes  with  scholars 
that  came  to  oppose  him,  as  supposing  him  an 
ignorant  person  ;  and  though  he  argued  plainly. 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  171 

and  by  Scripture  without  phrases  and  logical 
expressions,  yet  he  nonplused  one  who  came  to 
oppose  him  in  his  congregation,  by  demanding, 
whether  or  no  we  had  the  true  copies  of  the 
original  scriptures  ?  and  another,  when  lie  was 
preaching,  accused  him  of  uncharitableness,  for 
saying,  it  was  very  hard  for  most  to  l)e  saved  ; 
saying,  by  that  he  went  about  to  exclude  most 
of  his  congregation  :  but  he  confuted  him,  and 
put  him  to  silence  with  the  parable  of  the  stony 
ground,  and  other  texts  out  of  the  13th  chapter 
of  St.  Matthew,  in  our  Saviour's  sermon  out  of 
a  ship  ;  all  his  methods  being  to  keep  close  to 
the  Scriptures,  and  what  he  found  not  war- 
ranted there,  himself  would  not  warrant  nor 
determine,  unless  in  such  cases  as  were  plain, 
wherein  no  doubts  or  scruples  did  arise. 

But  not  to  make  any  farther  mention  of  this 
kind,  it  is  well  known  that  this  person  managed 
all  his  affairs  with  such  exactness,  as  if  he  had 
made  it  his  study,  above  ail  other  things,  not  to 
give  occasion  of  offence,  but  rather  sulfer  many 
inconveniences  to  avoid  it ;  being  never  heard 
to  reproach  or  revile  any,  what  injury  soever  he 
received,  but  rather  to  rebuke  those  that  did  : 
and  as  it  was  in  his  conversation,  so  it  is  mani- 
fested in  those  books  he  has  caused  to  be  pub- 
lished to  the  world  ;  where,  like  the  archangel 
disputing  with  Satan  about  the  body  of  iMoses, 
as  we  find  it  in  the  epistle  of  St.  Jude,  he 
"  brings  no  railing  accusation,"  but  leaves  the 
rebukers  (those  that  persecuted  him)  to  the 
Lord. 


172  BUNYAN'S 

In  his  family,  he  kept  up  a  very  strict  dis- 
cipline in  prayer  and  exhortations  ;  being  in 
this  like  Joshua,  as  that  good  man  expresses 
it,*  viz.  "Whatsoever  others  did;  as  for  me  and 
my  house,  we  will  serve  the  Lord  :"  and  indeed 
a  blessing  waited  on  his  labours  and  endea- 
vours :  so  that  his  wife,  as  the  Psalmist  says,t 
was  hke  a  pleasant  vine  upon  the  walls  of  his 
house,  and  his  children  like  olive-plants  round 
his  table  :  for  so  shall  it  be  with  the  man  that 
fears  the  Lord  !"  And  though  by  reason  of  the 
many  losses  he  sustained  by  imprisonment  and 
spoil,  of  his  chargeable  sickness,  &c.  his  earthly 
treasure  swelled  not  to  excess  ;  he  always  had 
sufficient  to  live  decently  and  creditably,  and 
with  that  he  had  the  greatest  of  all  treasures, 
which  is,  content ;  for,  as  the  wise  man  says, 
"  That  is  a  continual  feast." 

But  where  content  dwells,  even  a  poor  cottage 
is  a  kingly  palace  :  and  this  happiness  he  had 
all  his  life  long  ;  not  so  much  minding  this 
world,  as  knowing  he  was  here  "  as  a  pilgrim 
and  stranger,  and  had  no  tarrying  city,  but 
looked  for  one  made  with  hands  eternal  in  the 
highest  heavens."  But  at  length,  worn  out 
with  sufferings,  age,  and  often  teaching,  the 
day  of  his  dissolution  drew  near,  and  death, 
that  unlocks  the  prison  of  the  soul,  to  enlarge 
it  for  a  more  glorious  mansion,  put  a  stop  to  his 
acting  his  part  on  the  stage  of  mortality  :  Hea- 
ven, hke  earthly  princes,  when  it  threatens  war, 
being  always  so  kind  as  to  call  home  its  am- 

*  Josh,  xxiv,  15.  t  Psalm  cxxviii.  8. 


\ 


GRACE  ABOUNDING.  173 

bassadois  before  it  be  denounced  :  and  even  the 
last  act  or  undertaking  of  liis,  was  a  labour  of 
love  and  charity  ;  for  it  so  fallin*]^  out  that  a 
young  gentleman,  a  neighbour  of  Mr.  Bunyan's, 
happening  into  the  displeasure  of  his  father,  and 
being  niucli  troubled  in  mind  on  that  account, 
and  also  for  that  he  heard  his  father  purposed 
to  disinherit  him,  or  otherwise  deprive  him  of 
what  he  had  to  leave  ;  lie  pitched  u[)on  Mr. 
Bunyau  as  a  fit  man  to  make  way  for  his  sub- 
mission, and  prepare  his  father's  mind  to  receive 
him ;  and  he,  as  willing  to  any  good  office,  as 
it  could  be  requested,  as  readily  undertook  it; 
and  so.  ridinsf  to  Readins^  in  Berkshire,  he  there 
used  such  pressing  arguments  and  reasons 
against  anger  and  passion,  as  also  for  love  and 
reconciliation,  that  the  father  was  mollified,  and 
his  bowels  yearned  towards  his  returning  son. 

But  Mr.  Bunyan,  after  he  had  disposed  all 
things  to  the  best  for  acConnnodation,  returning 
to  London,  and  being  overtaken  with  excessive 
rains,  coming  to  his  lodging  extremely  wet,  fell 
sick  of  a  violent  fever,  which  he  bore  with 
much  constancy  and  patience,  and  expressed 
himself  as  if  he  desired  nothing  more  than  to 
be  dissolved,  and  be  with  Christ ;  in  that  case, 
esteeming  death  as  gain,  and  life  only  a  tedious 
delaying  felicity  expected  ;  and  finding  his  vital 
strength  decay,  having  settled  his  mind  and 
aflfairs,  as  well  as  the  shortness  of  time  and  the 
violence  of  his  disease  would  permit,  with  a 
constant  and  Christian  patience,  he  resigned 
his  soul  into  the  hands  of  his  most  merciful 
Redeemer,  following  his  Pilgrim  from  the  City 
15* 


174  BUNYAN'S 

of  Destruction  to  the  New  Jerusalem  ;  his  bet- 
ter part  having  been  all  along  there,  in  holy 
contemplation,  pantings  and  breathings  after 
the  hidden  manna  and  water  of  life  ;  as  by 
many  holy  and  humble  consolations,  expressed 
in  his  letters  to  several  persons  in  prison  and 
out  of  prison,  too  many  to  be  inserted  at  pre- 
sent.— He  died  at  the  house  of  one  Mr.  Strad- 
dock,  a  grocer,  at  the  Star  on  Snow-hill,  in  the 
parish  of  St.  Sepulchre,  London,  on  the  12th 
of  August,  1688,  and  in  the  sixtieth  year  of  his 
age,  after  ten  days'  sickness  ;  and  was  buried 
in  the  new  burying  place,  near  the  Artillery- 
ground,  where  he  sleeps  till  the  morning  of  the 
resurrection,  in  hopes  of  a  glorious  rising  to  an 
incorruptible  immortality  of  joy  and  happiness, 
where  no  more  trouble  and  sorrow  shall  afflict 
him,  but  all  tears  be  wiped  away  :  when  the 
just  shall  be  incorporated  as  members  of  Christ 
their  head,  and  reign  with  him  as  kings  and 
priests  for  ever. 


GR.\CE  ABOUNDING.  175 


BRIEF    CHARACTER 


MR.    JOHN    BUNYAN. 

He  appeared  in  countenance  to  be  of  a  stern 
and  rough  temper  ;  but  in  his  conversation  mild 
and  affable,  not  given  to  loquacity  or  much  dis- 
course in  company,  unless  some  urgent  occasion 
required  it :  observing  never  to  boast  of  himself 
or  his  parts,  but  rather  seem  low  in  his  own 
eyes,  and  submit  himself  to  the  judgment  of 
others  ;  abhorring  lying  and  swearing,  being 
just  in  all  that  lay  in  his  power  to  his  word  ; 
not  seeming  to  revenge  injuries,  loving  to  recon- 
cile diiferences,  and  make  friendship  with  all : 
he  had  a  sharp  quick  eye,  accompanied  with 
an  excellent  discerning  of  persons,  being  of  good 
judgment  and  c[uick  wit.  As  for  his  person, 
he  was  tall  of  stature,  strong  boned,  though  not 
corpulent,  somewhat  of  a  ruddy  face,  with 
sparkling  eyes,  wearing  his  hair  on  his  upper 
lip,  after  the  old  British  fashion  ;  his  hair  red- 
dish, but,  in  his  latter  days,  time  liad  sprinkled 
it  with  gray  ;  his  nose  well  set,  but  not  declin- 
ing or  bending;  and  his  mouth  moderately 
large ;  his  forehead  somewhat  high,  and  his 
habit  always  plain  and  modest. — And  thus  we 
have  impartially  described  the  internal  and  ex- 


175  BUNl'AN'S  GRACE  ABOUNDING 

ternal  parts  of  a  person,  whose  death  has  been 
much  regretted :  a  person  who  had  tried  the 
smiles  and  frowns  of  time  ;  not  puffed  up  in 
prosperity,  nor  shaken  in  adversity  ;  always 
holding-  the  golden  mean. 

In  !iiin  at  once  did  three  great  worthies  shine, 
Historian,  poet,  and  a  choice  divine. 
Then  let  him  rest  in  undisturbed  dust, 
tTntil  the  resurrection  of  the  just. 


POSTSCRIPT. 

In  this  his  pilgrimage,  God  blessed  him  with 
four  children  ;  one  of  which,  named  Mary,  was 
bhnd,  and  died  some  years  before  :  his  other 
children  were  Thomas,  Joseph,  and  Sarah  ;  and 
his  wife  Elizabeth,  having  lived  to  see  him 
overcome  his  labour  and  sorrow,  and  pass  from 
this  life  to  receive  the  reward  of  his  works,  long 
survived  him  not ;  for  in  1692  she  died,  to  fol- 
low her  faithful  pilgrim  from  this  world  to  the 
other,  v.hither  he  was  gone  before  her  ;  whilst 
his  works,  which  consist  of  sixty  books,  remain 
for  the  edifying  of  the  reader,  and  praise  of  the 
author. — Farewell. 


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